life as a show part 2

Here's a list of incidents which show how one can be so stupid as to pass up the chance to get to know a person...somebody you really like:

Incident1:
Last Sunday, Joey and I decided to have lunch at BK. Just then, by some higher power, or i dunno, universal force or something, we saw my crush (the one who's been occupying my thoughts, and hell, the one I've been fussing and retaliating about for some time now)eating at the same fast food joint. Joey immediately noticed how I seemed to turn pale, sweaty, and blushing. I can't contain it. He was laughing because of my really transparent expression. He was telling me to gain control and just relax, as if everything wasso abrupt, and nonchalant. (still I can't do it)

Joey said "O ano, tabihan natin sha?"

I was like "no, that won't happen!", add to that, i was doing this realy goofy expression of making "iling" which made Joey really laugh. He said I looked like an energizer bunny from an old commercial!

When Joey and I were at our own table, sabi niya, "that was supposed to be a sign. Binibigyan ka na ng universe ng pagkakataon, pero wala kang ginagawa! (yung audience mo, inis na sayo!)

That got me into some thinking.

Yes, another passed up chance.

Incident 2:
The other day, at another fast food joint, Joey, me and Rox were eating breakfast, when another crush went at the same place to eat.

YES< JOey said it was supposed to be another chance.

Again, I chickened out on conversing with the guy.

Incident 3:
My crush and I are officemates. We see each other most of the time, but we were both shy on taking some time to talk, or have a friendly chat. We just usually look at each other, slap high fives, and make asaran.

Those were supposed to be moments to get to know a person. Still we didn't do that.

Asar na asar na si JOey. He was like, "Girl, I want some action!"



I told Joey that the guy tried to make ammends. He said "peace na kami"

Joey was like, "It's so not a good sign! Ibig sabihin hindi ka niya papansinin uli.":-(

Darn. It's over. All was over even before it started.

close call

I originally posted this on my multiply blog, hoping na mas malaki ang audience. Anyway, read on:

I was there, minutes before it happened. If I decided to stay for just a minute or two, I would have been included in the rubble, could have been included, if not with the clueless people peacefully wandering and doing shopping, then with those people who died at the glorietta 2 bombing.

It was a fine afternoon. I had a 1:30 job interview in pasong tamo, but I arrived early in the Makati area, so I decided to stop by the glorietta mall. I decided to use the spare time to buy some refreshments, visit a baby shop (to look for a nice present for my soon-to-be-inaanak), try to find a present for Maricris, since I remembered that me and my friends haven't given her a gift yet for her birthday, as well as find a simpler route going to Mantrade (where the interview took place)without taking the suffocating and crowded mrt ride.

I entered through the g4 entrance, walked through the activity area and wandered the place going through g1, where I decided to take my exit.

I checked my clock. It was 1:15, and realized I need to hurry for the interview. I walked outside. Passed through another building/shop that I didn't recognize. I was busy finding where the jeep terminal was. I even passed by a row of bars, which, in the early noon hours were almost deserted. Some where still closed for the day. I didn't know where I was, so I decided to walk still. It was a useless walk, I realized because I saw another entrance going to the glorietta mall, where at that moment, there where a group of students in Scholastican uniforms.

I looked at them,even remembered my high school days. I even asked myself what they were doing on a lunch time at the mall, and thought maybe they were out on a field trip.

I walked further, still trying to find the road and the jeepneys. I even asked a manong guard for directions, who appeared to be clueless as well about directions. I crossed the road, going to a hotel establishment, nearing edsa, to check if I can find a taxi/bus terminal so I can finally go to my scheduled interview. I found out I won't be able to get a ride there, since traffic rules are strict in the area. Cabs won't take me to the place ( I don't know why, maybe its because it's just near, at lugi sila sa fair) and pointed me to the the other side of the mall where there is another taxi bay area. I was tired and sweating already, so I decided to just take another mrt ride going to magallanes (though it is just the next station after ayala). I walked outside the establishment, which I realized was sm, crossed to another establishment, which was its department store. I checked my clock, it was 1:28 (I knew then I was going to be late for the interview, comforted myself and said that they're not that strict with interview schedules). I walked and realized that I was nearing the ayala station.

It was 1:30. I told myself, late na talaga ako. What with the long line on the ticketing area, then, I have to wait for the bus to arrive. But I told myself to relax and not feel pressured at all.

****

I made it to the interview, hopefully, people there are not a sucker for time adherence.

I had my interview at 2pm. Thought of my other plans, of what Joey was saying if I'm ready to quit my high-paying job for a lesser one, I thought of pursuing my writing career, thought of Cze's advice for me.

My mind was preoccupied during my ride going home. I decided to take the bus instead of the train (I was ready for the traffic jam from magallanes going to ortigas)

I checked my phone to look at the time, and for my messages. It was 3pm.

I checked my messages, two new ones from abbey and cris, forwarding the same message:

guys, may sumabog na bomba in glorietta 2 ngaun lng. Wag muna kau pupunta dun ok...ingatz! watch kau news!

I felt shocked and immediately messaged them back.

Shit! andun lang ako kanina, 1:30 pm ako umalis!

Then, I remembered the traffic when I passed by, looking at the sm establishment from my seat at the bus, looking out the window.

Kaya pala ang tagal namin sa may sm.

Then, it all came--The paranoia, the what-ifs. If I decided to stop by for some mintues still, I knew, I would have heard the explosion, the panicking people, I would have experienced the commotion, or worse, could have been included in the rubble.

Minutes before it happened, I knew I was in some glorietta wing, finding my way around.

Then, it hit me hard. Mahal pa ko ni Lord.

I felt guilty. I was going through some serious frustrations that time. I haven't been going to mass for the past months, doubted His love for me and his power ('thought He cared less about me, I was near to blaming him for my unacchieved goals and for my lack of resources)

Then, he saved me. Still, he protected me. I knew I wasn't worthy being saved. Sa dami ng doubts sa isip ko about His graces for me

I told this story through text messages to my aunt/ninang who was such a religious. She said:

You're angels protected you. Dami sugatan, patay. Glorietta 2 ang exact spot, park square. Naka cordon entire area.

I really felt guilty but blessed at the same time.

When I arrived in the Ortigas area after the long bus ride, I decided to say my prayers at the EDSA chapel. When I arrived there, they were having a mass.

I stayed to hear mass. It was my first mass after a hiatus, and I heard and prayed fervently.

It was a close call.

A close call to danger, and a close call from God, a whisper, calling out to me, reminding that He is always at my side anytime, not abandoning me at all.

life as a show

Joey and I came up with a thought: "If our own lives are a show, what will it be? Will people love it, or will it be a one big flap?" (A thought that came up after one of our endless talks on TV shows, movies, entertainment and other rah-rahs, and after Joey's TV marathon on LOST)

Joey's life: It begins with him on the present times, working in a good company that pays good. He is a hard worker, although he knows how to have fun, He is satisfied with the condition of his life right now. Then, zoom in, a close up to his eye (just like what happens on the show LOST when one of the character's past life is revealed) shows him working in a fast food chain cooking burgers and packing them. He considers himself a master of that activity. However, he appears rugged, exhausted and completely unsatisfied.

Audience saw his life as a twist and turn, coupled with a certain comic antic due to his stupidity on things and the humor he creates on himself. His audience have a share of good laugh.

Joey's image of my life:

ang title ng episode mo ngayon ay 'Most Wanted'

how did that happen? Well, for the past days, they (some friends) were trying to pair me with an officemate who seem to be making pa-cute.

Aside from that, I have told Joey a story about one of my friends who told me that somebody has a crush on me. I told the friend not to give me a hint about who he is for it might make me uncomfortable in front of him. Just then another friend when we were joking around and chatting told me that he has a crush on me. That gave me a hint. Since friend 1 and friend 2 were also close friends.

However, Joey said, my show's a flap?

Why?

Because I'm really passive and dense about the whole situation. I just talk about it. Talk about what may happen, but I won't act on it or try to make steps to fulfill that things.

"It's so boring. Kung baga, inis na inis na yung audience mo kasi walang development! Gaya nung kay ---*bleep bleep*--, nagpapacute na nga sayo pero wala kang ginagawa. HIndi mo inapproach."

Darn me, I'm so stupid!

Enough of me.

*****

Each of us have our own show. We try to view our lives, and see what kind it is through reactions and observations of people around us. At times, we react to certain situation, then at other times we won't. We try to make something worthwhile about our lives. SOme achieve things, while some get frustrated for not achieving their goals. At times we lose our focus on things we really want, because we tend to focus on some other things that are not so important to us.

At times, we miss those opportunities of the things that come our way. We fail to see that "the universe", or "destiny" or "higher being" respond to what we need, but we 'chicken out' and lose courage to face the ordeals that come along with achieving our goals.

And then we again hope that life gives us another chance to face an opportunity, or the key to our goals, or simply to what we want. And we continue to hope.

ANd yes, our audiences are waiting for the highlight of our stories, because it's what makes one story great. The plot begins with an introduction of the environment, of the characters involved, until you meet some certain little activities that pile up to show the crisis, the problem of one story, until it reaches the climax, or how the characters responds to the main crisis he/she is involved with.

You may encounter, boohs or blahs from your imaginary audience, but it's your choice as well if you want them to feel satisfied, or happy at the turn-out of events. As I've said, it's your call.

At the end of your show, it's you who will feel if your story's a flap, or you make it to the emmys and win an award!-)