Fan Girl, Fan Girl!

I have a recent review for the show Stand Up, a japanese drama comedy. Click here to read the full review.

Have recently watched "Stand Up", a 2003 japanese comedy drama that showed the life of five friends (four boys and a girl), and their adventures and struggles with teenhood. It's somehow a japanese version of American Pie. The four boys (named Shou-chan, Kouji, Udayan, and Kenken) were dead-set on having their first fuck that summer. They felt pressured as they felt that they were the last four virgin, 17-year-olds in their high school, at the same time they were struggling to get out of control from their parents who tried to shield them from having this first experience.

On the other hand, Chie, the only lady in the group visited the four boys in her old hometown, and with this, she witnessed the situation that the four boys were dealing with.

Chie also had her own monsters to conquer. She had to deal with standing up and finding her own ground, no matter what. It was with her friendship with the four boys that she began to find that grounding.

I really find the show cute. It's one feel-good flick that will laugh your hearts out! If you're looking for something stress relieving to watch at the end of a toxic and rough day, this show is one which I highly recommend!






In this photo:

from L-R: Kazunari Ninomiya, Hiroki Narimiya, Anne Suzuki, Shun Oguri, and Tomohisa Yamashita

Just some thoughts this Sunday

Last Friday, A friend told me that in order to be good (with the craft you're honing) you need to experience pain. Pain will teach you to be powerful, or if not, more bare and distinct in describing or putting out your emotions.

This made me realize that I haven't had enough pain. Or if not, I haven't learned to transform this pain into something powerful or more worthy.

So there. In the next few days, I'm going to try to use this pain, or be more quick in pointing out my pain and, hopefully, learn to use it to develop my craft...

***

Ok. So enough with that.

I have developed this obsession with Hiroshi Tamaki, the "Chiaki Senpai" from Nodame Cantabile.







This has brought out the fan girl in me. The last time I had been one was during the Meteor Garden craze, when I drooled over Jerry Yan and the rest of its cast.

I don't need to say anything more...but waaaaah....I really adore this guy:D

choose your battles

When I was younger, my parents used to say that difficulties, both big and small need to be conquered. We should learn to adjust with whatever hardship come our way. "Hardships are a test of character. Kayo din ang mahihirapan kung hindi kayo marunong humarap sa paghihirap!" I would often hear my father tell us.

During our early days in school, we were taught the same philosopies. It goes somewhere in the line of learning how to sacrifice, hardwork, and being strong in the face of trials.

As time went by, and I grew older, I turned to self-help books for advice and guidance. What stuck in my mind (and became my ideology) was that advice that tells that one simply has to ride the rollercoaster of life. Sometimes you're up, down, or running round and round.

In short, you need to learn to live with it.

But then, in the course of living, I have learned that not all battles are worth withstanding. There are times when you need to think if things are worth fighting for, and if giving it up would mean a sign of weakness.

And for these, I have learned this thought: you need to choose your own battles.

It;s not ok to feel like a martyr just letting all those troubles hit you in the face. It doesn't make you a great person.Being such, you're the one who'll just end up devastated and ugly.

Admit that there are times when you need to give up, since you just might be looking at the wrong direction. what's at your back may offer something better.

This doesn't mean you're taking the unlikely road. It may mean that there is something better.

Just this year, I was caught in a crossroad. I have questioned myself: "what is the path I'd like to take? Am I really doing the right thing?" Questions almost crushed my ground and center.

Then I decided to give something up. Doing so, I questioned myself more. "Was I that weak? Did I easily give in to my emotions. Have I crushed my family's expectations of me."

I decided to move on. I decided to go with the flow, and doing so, I found joy and peace in the things I were doing on that time. They range from simple pet projects, to household chores, to catching up with what I most love doing.

And then, an opportunity came along, and it was an opportunity that made me more content and at peace. I began to worry less, breathing became easy, and I began to enjoy each moment.

I have discovered the truth to that adage. It also meant that as i let go, I followed my heart, trusted my instincts.:)

Me, me, me

So it had been a time since I've written. So many thing hav happened. I might have been an epic fail..or just maybe saved myself from a blackhole that will cost me my whole energy, aura, and self-worth. Somebody said it's how you look at things. Is the glass half-empty or half-full? Some have criticized that I didn't know how to endure...that I give up easily. Another said that I'm not able to make things happen because I haven't can developed the proper attitude.

People can say anything they want. They can judge me for my decisions, and I know that I don't have control over them. But no matter how different or negative they judge me, it's up to me if I'll let myself get affected..If I will let their judgements get the best of me.

With all of the things that have happened, I have realized and learned one thing--I cannot please everyone. I cannot be controlled by the expectations that others think or want of me. I know that at the age of 24, the situation seemed so high school...but I guess, I have a different phase.

So now, I am learning to live according to how I see my own self. I'm the one in charge, and I am the sole person who knows my capabilities, and my limitations. And if people don't understand that, then I guess it's not my problem anymore. I am learning to stand up for myself, and believe in what I can do and stand for my decisions.

Things might be hard, but these self-learnings need to continue.

Happy Easter

"Fresh start, new beginnings" this is one of the messages relayed by Father Jerry Orbos during this early morning easter vigil. These were the very words that somehow strike me, and at that moment made me think positively about the coming day. Sure, I'm undergoing one of those yet again sad, anxious, and lowest moments, but then, I am reminded that there is still another great day ahead.

"One good day coming up" says a coffee commercial. And again, as Fr. Jerry said, "it's just an overnight thing"

For easy optimists and to those who aren't much into argumenting, or dissecting the very truth of things, believing at these small adages uplifts their soul. Simply, they are able to take in these "foods for the soul". And I guess I am one of them. In a way, I take this as one of my assets. Though others find me really gullible or "mababaw", I think, cheering up at these positive thoughts makes you enjoy the simplicity of things. It makes you appreciate the early morning sunshine, the smile of encountered strangers while you're out jogging on an early morning or afternoon, or the crackling laughter of your parents and siblings. These things give an optimist a certain security, that eventhough "the sky is falling", tomorrow or the coming moments will bring you something memorable or positive.

As I have said, the past days for me had been a blur of gray clouds. I have been avoiding conversing, meeting, or asking the help of some friends, since it makes me think I'm being helpless. But now, I realized that brushing them away won't do me ANY good, that my isolation will just make me more aloof and indifferent. And I do not want to grow like that. Sure, I exude an air of mystery, but still, I don't want to brush people away. I miss simply sharing a laugh or two with them, I miss the simple text conversations--of petty problems or concerns, and joking about them.

Right now, I would like to thank a certain friend for visiting me during this another low moment in my life. It makes me realize that I still matter to some people, or even if I grow jaded, something or someone will appear to make you realize that you are saved from being sad and solitary, or even left behind.

This made me realize I still need people, and that it doesn't harm to ask for their help or their presence, most especially at times when you just want someone to be there.

I thank the Lord for this new day, and for the renewed realization. I'm still experiencing some bouts of loneliness, but I do hope it will go away. the process might be slow, but I do hope the necessary people are available, so that I can once again move on, and so that I can get my optimism and air of sunshine back.

Anyway, Happy Easter everyone! As Jesus has risen from death, let this be a reminder that out of the depths of loneliness and despair, the sunshine will still come out and bring back our joy!

bahala ka na...goodluck na lang!

Ayoko na, pagod nako. ngayon ko na nasasabi ito. Bakit nga ba ngayon lang? Kung kailan ang dami dami nang nagsuko at nagsabing "I give up!" kung kailan ang dami nang nagsabing "wala na tong patutunguhan, hopeless na to!"

Ngayon nagmumuni muni ako. Either dati akong densed at ngayon lang nagkaka feelings, o dahil masipag at masaya pa ako dati, o dahil sadya lang talaga akong bayani?

Pwede rin kasing feeling ko dati may pag-asa pa. Na masosolusyunan din ito. Out of ten years na sinusubukan niyang maging maayos, ngayon, sa panahong andito ako maaayos sha.

Aba, nagpapakabayani nga ako.

Pero iba ako sa mga totoong bayani. Dahil ako sumusuko na rin. Dahil ako, hindi magpapakamatay para dito. Sorry, kahit papaano mahal ko pa ag sarili ko.

At ngayon, goodluck na lang talaga. Hindi ko na gusto ang "idealisms" nyo, at mali ang mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan at hinahangaan mo.

Hindi ko alam kung kailan mo ito marerealize or kung marerealize mo to in time.

Bahala ka na. Basta ako, aalis na ako!

post workshop rants

Here's the moment that I blog again. Here's the time that I try to make sense (though really, when I read any of my entry, " nothing seems to make sense!) It's just made of all blah feelings, "i dunno" statements or some random, again, "blah" things.

I envy those people who are quick to point out their feelings, or quick to know and say what they feel. Me? I suck at that area. I'm a girl full of cliche...I try to be nice. I try to be optimistic, when in truth, I just feel sad, and I just don't want my posts to be full of crap rants that's why I make rather cliche ones, or those which contain lotsa motherhood statements.

I try to find my voice. I try to reveal my own pesona, but then again, I'm hesitant.

Reasons?

1. My own persona is a melancholic, whining one. I have nothing to write but my own angst and all...and maybe I haven't been writing frequently becaause I'm afraid for these rants to come out. And;

2. I'm afraid to look into my psyche because I find myself vague.

***

I just would like to tell somebody how I feel, but then, it feels disapointing when you try to rely on a friend just to release those emotions and then that person tells or reminds you that you are just "whining".

Really, it makes me feel sad, and alone (ok, OA) that whenever I try to talk about my feelings, one would just say that I'm whining.

LIKE DUDE! I don't whine in public (only in my blog and journals, and to my bestfriend Cze do I do that!) regularly. There are just times, and those times that I try to tell it out, I'm not even saying that "I'm in the pit of it!". I just want to simply talk it out.(I hope that makes myself clear. Well, to that person atleast. And I don't know if you (yes, you, insensitive, densed person!) ARE even reading this, or if you even know this exists!) Ok, I rest my case.

***

I'm on a quest to find my voice. And I do hope in the process, it's not a ranting one. I hope to be intelligent, I hope to be objective. Most importantly, I hope to be clear, and also in command (of the language, that is). SO MOTE IT BE!

Manipulator alert!

Defend yourselves from these manipulators! Read along!

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want...including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
2. Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
5. Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation. Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?

reposted from:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/5-behaviors-of-manipulative-people-549848/

Sponge Bob

I have realized that when people around me feel jovial and carefree, I'm the one who mellows down. And at times that these people are down (this includes my family, friends, and loved ones), I'm the one who tells them to have the courage. These are the times I give them pep talk and tell them some wise words and other foods for thought. During the times they feel down, i'm the one they talk to. Like a sponge, I'm the one with whom they pour their sadness, negativities into.

It's not that I'm complaining or ranting about. It's just one of the realizations that come to me now. Now that I have to pacify people, look after them, and make them feel "whole" again (ha! such cheesy choice of words)

But then, this also made me realize when to be or not to be a sponge.Hindi ko pwedeng pagsabayin ang pagiging negative ko, at ang pagsalo ko ng negative energies. This spells trouble...and of course, self-destruction.

Anyway, becoming a sponge brings something positive too. I feel grateful that people around me trust me with their feelings, thinkings and all. This makes me feel that I'm doing a great job as a friend.

But then, I have to watch out for those constant ramblers. The ones who constantly, and frequently rant, each and every God-given day.

Hmm...I feel bad that I have to think of a particular person who's just like this..but then, I can't help it. I'm just human, after all:(

Anyway, negative people, and the negative energies they emit...I think I really need to become more immuned and more patient in dealing with them.

I'll be needing my very own zen fountain in the days to come:)