Here's a list of incidents which show how one can be so stupid as to pass up the chance to get to know a person...somebody you really like:
Incident1:
Last Sunday, Joey and I decided to have lunch at BK. Just then, by some higher power, or i dunno, universal force or something, we saw my crush (the one who's been occupying my thoughts, and hell, the one I've been fussing and retaliating about for some time now)eating at the same fast food joint. Joey immediately noticed how I seemed to turn pale, sweaty, and blushing. I can't contain it. He was laughing because of my really transparent expression. He was telling me to gain control and just relax, as if everything wasso abrupt, and nonchalant. (still I can't do it)
Joey said "O ano, tabihan natin sha?"
I was like "no, that won't happen!", add to that, i was doing this realy goofy expression of making "iling" which made Joey really laugh. He said I looked like an energizer bunny from an old commercial!
When Joey and I were at our own table, sabi niya, "that was supposed to be a sign. Binibigyan ka na ng universe ng pagkakataon, pero wala kang ginagawa! (yung audience mo, inis na sayo!)
That got me into some thinking.
Yes, another passed up chance.
Incident 2:
The other day, at another fast food joint, Joey, me and Rox were eating breakfast, when another crush went at the same place to eat.
YES< JOey said it was supposed to be another chance.
Again, I chickened out on conversing with the guy.
Incident 3:
My crush and I are officemates. We see each other most of the time, but we were both shy on taking some time to talk, or have a friendly chat. We just usually look at each other, slap high fives, and make asaran.
Those were supposed to be moments to get to know a person. Still we didn't do that.
Asar na asar na si JOey. He was like, "Girl, I want some action!"
I told Joey that the guy tried to make ammends. He said "peace na kami"
Joey was like, "It's so not a good sign! Ibig sabihin hindi ka niya papansinin uli.":-(
Darn. It's over. All was over even before it started.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
close call
I originally posted this on my multiply blog, hoping na mas malaki ang audience. Anyway, read on:
I was there, minutes before it happened. If I decided to stay for just a minute or two, I would have been included in the rubble, could have been included, if not with the clueless people peacefully wandering and doing shopping, then with those people who died at the glorietta 2 bombing.
It was a fine afternoon. I had a 1:30 job interview in pasong tamo, but I arrived early in the Makati area, so I decided to stop by the glorietta mall. I decided to use the spare time to buy some refreshments, visit a baby shop (to look for a nice present for my soon-to-be-inaanak), try to find a present for Maricris, since I remembered that me and my friends haven't given her a gift yet for her birthday, as well as find a simpler route going to Mantrade (where the interview took place)without taking the suffocating and crowded mrt ride.
I entered through the g4 entrance, walked through the activity area and wandered the place going through g1, where I decided to take my exit.
I checked my clock. It was 1:15, and realized I need to hurry for the interview. I walked outside. Passed through another building/shop that I didn't recognize. I was busy finding where the jeep terminal was. I even passed by a row of bars, which, in the early noon hours were almost deserted. Some where still closed for the day. I didn't know where I was, so I decided to walk still. It was a useless walk, I realized because I saw another entrance going to the glorietta mall, where at that moment, there where a group of students in Scholastican uniforms.
I looked at them,even remembered my high school days. I even asked myself what they were doing on a lunch time at the mall, and thought maybe they were out on a field trip.
I walked further, still trying to find the road and the jeepneys. I even asked a manong guard for directions, who appeared to be clueless as well about directions. I crossed the road, going to a hotel establishment, nearing edsa, to check if I can find a taxi/bus terminal so I can finally go to my scheduled interview. I found out I won't be able to get a ride there, since traffic rules are strict in the area. Cabs won't take me to the place ( I don't know why, maybe its because it's just near, at lugi sila sa fair) and pointed me to the the other side of the mall where there is another taxi bay area. I was tired and sweating already, so I decided to just take another mrt ride going to magallanes (though it is just the next station after ayala). I walked outside the establishment, which I realized was sm, crossed to another establishment, which was its department store. I checked my clock, it was 1:28 (I knew then I was going to be late for the interview, comforted myself and said that they're not that strict with interview schedules). I walked and realized that I was nearing the ayala station.
It was 1:30. I told myself, late na talaga ako. What with the long line on the ticketing area, then, I have to wait for the bus to arrive. But I told myself to relax and not feel pressured at all.
****
I made it to the interview, hopefully, people there are not a sucker for time adherence.
I had my interview at 2pm. Thought of my other plans, of what Joey was saying if I'm ready to quit my high-paying job for a lesser one, I thought of pursuing my writing career, thought of Cze's advice for me.
My mind was preoccupied during my ride going home. I decided to take the bus instead of the train (I was ready for the traffic jam from magallanes going to ortigas)
I checked my phone to look at the time, and for my messages. It was 3pm.
I checked my messages, two new ones from abbey and cris, forwarding the same message:
guys, may sumabog na bomba in glorietta 2 ngaun lng. Wag muna kau pupunta dun ok...ingatz! watch kau news!
I felt shocked and immediately messaged them back.
Shit! andun lang ako kanina, 1:30 pm ako umalis!
Then, I remembered the traffic when I passed by, looking at the sm establishment from my seat at the bus, looking out the window.
Kaya pala ang tagal namin sa may sm.
Then, it all came--The paranoia, the what-ifs. If I decided to stop by for some mintues still, I knew, I would have heard the explosion, the panicking people, I would have experienced the commotion, or worse, could have been included in the rubble.
Minutes before it happened, I knew I was in some glorietta wing, finding my way around.
Then, it hit me hard. Mahal pa ko ni Lord.
I felt guilty. I was going through some serious frustrations that time. I haven't been going to mass for the past months, doubted His love for me and his power ('thought He cared less about me, I was near to blaming him for my unacchieved goals and for my lack of resources)
Then, he saved me. Still, he protected me. I knew I wasn't worthy being saved. Sa dami ng doubts sa isip ko about His graces for me
I told this story through text messages to my aunt/ninang who was such a religious. She said:
You're angels protected you. Dami sugatan, patay. Glorietta 2 ang exact spot, park square. Naka cordon entire area.
I really felt guilty but blessed at the same time.
When I arrived in the Ortigas area after the long bus ride, I decided to say my prayers at the EDSA chapel. When I arrived there, they were having a mass.
I stayed to hear mass. It was my first mass after a hiatus, and I heard and prayed fervently.
It was a close call.
A close call to danger, and a close call from God, a whisper, calling out to me, reminding that He is always at my side anytime, not abandoning me at all.
life as a show
Joey and I came up with a thought: "If our own lives are a show, what will it be? Will people love it, or will it be a one big flap?" (A thought that came up after one of our endless talks on TV shows, movies, entertainment and other rah-rahs, and after Joey's TV marathon on LOST)
Joey's life: It begins with him on the present times, working in a good company that pays good. He is a hard worker, although he knows how to have fun, He is satisfied with the condition of his life right now. Then, zoom in, a close up to his eye (just like what happens on the show LOST when one of the character's past life is revealed) shows him working in a fast food chain cooking burgers and packing them. He considers himself a master of that activity. However, he appears rugged, exhausted and completely unsatisfied.
Audience saw his life as a twist and turn, coupled with a certain comic antic due to his stupidity on things and the humor he creates on himself. His audience have a share of good laugh.
Joey's image of my life:
ang title ng episode mo ngayon ay 'Most Wanted'
how did that happen? Well, for the past days, they (some friends) were trying to pair me with an officemate who seem to be making pa-cute.
Aside from that, I have told Joey a story about one of my friends who told me that somebody has a crush on me. I told the friend not to give me a hint about who he is for it might make me uncomfortable in front of him. Just then another friend when we were joking around and chatting told me that he has a crush on me. That gave me a hint. Since friend 1 and friend 2 were also close friends.
However, Joey said, my show's a flap?
Why?
Because I'm really passive and dense about the whole situation. I just talk about it. Talk about what may happen, but I won't act on it or try to make steps to fulfill that things.
"It's so boring. Kung baga, inis na inis na yung audience mo kasi walang development! Gaya nung kay ---*bleep bleep*--, nagpapacute na nga sayo pero wala kang ginagawa. HIndi mo inapproach."
Darn me, I'm so stupid!
Enough of me.
*****
Each of us have our own show. We try to view our lives, and see what kind it is through reactions and observations of people around us. At times, we react to certain situation, then at other times we won't. We try to make something worthwhile about our lives. SOme achieve things, while some get frustrated for not achieving their goals. At times we lose our focus on things we really want, because we tend to focus on some other things that are not so important to us.
At times, we miss those opportunities of the things that come our way. We fail to see that "the universe", or "destiny" or "higher being" respond to what we need, but we 'chicken out' and lose courage to face the ordeals that come along with achieving our goals.
And then we again hope that life gives us another chance to face an opportunity, or the key to our goals, or simply to what we want. And we continue to hope.
ANd yes, our audiences are waiting for the highlight of our stories, because it's what makes one story great. The plot begins with an introduction of the environment, of the characters involved, until you meet some certain little activities that pile up to show the crisis, the problem of one story, until it reaches the climax, or how the characters responds to the main crisis he/she is involved with.
You may encounter, boohs or blahs from your imaginary audience, but it's your choice as well if you want them to feel satisfied, or happy at the turn-out of events. As I've said, it's your call.
At the end of your show, it's you who will feel if your story's a flap, or you make it to the emmys and win an award!-)
Joey's life: It begins with him on the present times, working in a good company that pays good. He is a hard worker, although he knows how to have fun, He is satisfied with the condition of his life right now. Then, zoom in, a close up to his eye (just like what happens on the show LOST when one of the character's past life is revealed) shows him working in a fast food chain cooking burgers and packing them. He considers himself a master of that activity. However, he appears rugged, exhausted and completely unsatisfied.
Audience saw his life as a twist and turn, coupled with a certain comic antic due to his stupidity on things and the humor he creates on himself. His audience have a share of good laugh.
Joey's image of my life:
ang title ng episode mo ngayon ay 'Most Wanted'
how did that happen? Well, for the past days, they (some friends) were trying to pair me with an officemate who seem to be making pa-cute.
Aside from that, I have told Joey a story about one of my friends who told me that somebody has a crush on me. I told the friend not to give me a hint about who he is for it might make me uncomfortable in front of him. Just then another friend when we were joking around and chatting told me that he has a crush on me. That gave me a hint. Since friend 1 and friend 2 were also close friends.
However, Joey said, my show's a flap?
Why?
Because I'm really passive and dense about the whole situation. I just talk about it. Talk about what may happen, but I won't act on it or try to make steps to fulfill that things.
"It's so boring. Kung baga, inis na inis na yung audience mo kasi walang development! Gaya nung kay ---*bleep bleep*--, nagpapacute na nga sayo pero wala kang ginagawa. HIndi mo inapproach."
Darn me, I'm so stupid!
Enough of me.
*****
Each of us have our own show. We try to view our lives, and see what kind it is through reactions and observations of people around us. At times, we react to certain situation, then at other times we won't. We try to make something worthwhile about our lives. SOme achieve things, while some get frustrated for not achieving their goals. At times we lose our focus on things we really want, because we tend to focus on some other things that are not so important to us.
At times, we miss those opportunities of the things that come our way. We fail to see that "the universe", or "destiny" or "higher being" respond to what we need, but we 'chicken out' and lose courage to face the ordeals that come along with achieving our goals.
And then we again hope that life gives us another chance to face an opportunity, or the key to our goals, or simply to what we want. And we continue to hope.
ANd yes, our audiences are waiting for the highlight of our stories, because it's what makes one story great. The plot begins with an introduction of the environment, of the characters involved, until you meet some certain little activities that pile up to show the crisis, the problem of one story, until it reaches the climax, or how the characters responds to the main crisis he/she is involved with.
You may encounter, boohs or blahs from your imaginary audience, but it's your choice as well if you want them to feel satisfied, or happy at the turn-out of events. As I've said, it's your call.
At the end of your show, it's you who will feel if your story's a flap, or you make it to the emmys and win an award!-)
Friday, September 28, 2007
seeing myself
Just watched Reality Bites which starred Wynona Ryder and Ethan Hawke. The story depicted the life of a group of young people, who, after graduating from college, tried to make their own life by themselves. "People who try to create their lives, without looking up to somebdoy, without idols" as Lelaine (played by Ryder) told Michale (played by Ben Stiller)
Lelaine graduated at the top of her class in the University, and after graduating landed a job in a morning show in a media company. At the same time, she tried to make a documentary out of her friends and herself to show life after graduating, rying to capture the drama of young people struggling to live independently.
She tried very hard to show her own work to her boss, so that they can broadcast it. However, she failed to impress the boss who has been giving her the hard time.
She created a major booboo at work. She wrote obsene spiels at the cue cards for the show's host. This fired her from the job.
After that. she had difficulty getting a work related to her field. She lie lowed for a time--and living the life that Tony, her guy bestfriend , has been living--THE BUM"S LIFE
During this time, she realized the simplicity of things. She realized she has been ideal most of her life, trying hard to stick to the plan she has laid for her life.
At one time, she said, "things are not going on as planned"
*****
Tony Dyres, on the other hand (played by Ethan Hawke) has been contented with his life--having meager jobs, getting used to being sacked from the place he worked, and simply lived as if "money is just a green strip of paper which he seizes, and gets blown by the wind out of his hand easily"
He doesn't have a plan with his life. All he has for himself are his books that he read, and the guitar he plays.
This matter is always a point of argument between Lelaine and Tony.
*****
Michael Grates is the total opposite of Tony. He lead a busy life, used to the hectic schedule and works in a media company that produces a somehow reality show entitiled "In your Face TV".
He became Lelaine's boyfriend, and Tony's center of hate, jealousy and distaste to become Lelaine's love interest.
****
As all ordinary romance story, there is the involvenemt of a love triangle between Tony, Lelaine and Michael.
****
Lelaine has to deal with having the "planned life" she can create along with Michael, or the unsecure, "go-with-the-flow" lifestyle of Tony.
She chose Tony's life, and she has learned to live the life of simplicity.
****
ANother story that made me realize to slow down and just take life as it is. It has made me remember my all-time motto: "Ayos lang, agos lang"
and that, it's too early for me to feel pressured about my future and the life I'm planning to live.
Lelaine graduated at the top of her class in the University, and after graduating landed a job in a morning show in a media company. At the same time, she tried to make a documentary out of her friends and herself to show life after graduating, rying to capture the drama of young people struggling to live independently.
She tried very hard to show her own work to her boss, so that they can broadcast it. However, she failed to impress the boss who has been giving her the hard time.
She created a major booboo at work. She wrote obsene spiels at the cue cards for the show's host. This fired her from the job.
After that. she had difficulty getting a work related to her field. She lie lowed for a time--and living the life that Tony, her guy bestfriend , has been living--THE BUM"S LIFE
During this time, she realized the simplicity of things. She realized she has been ideal most of her life, trying hard to stick to the plan she has laid for her life.
At one time, she said, "things are not going on as planned"
*****
Tony Dyres, on the other hand (played by Ethan Hawke) has been contented with his life--having meager jobs, getting used to being sacked from the place he worked, and simply lived as if "money is just a green strip of paper which he seizes, and gets blown by the wind out of his hand easily"
He doesn't have a plan with his life. All he has for himself are his books that he read, and the guitar he plays.
This matter is always a point of argument between Lelaine and Tony.
*****
Michael Grates is the total opposite of Tony. He lead a busy life, used to the hectic schedule and works in a media company that produces a somehow reality show entitiled "In your Face TV".
He became Lelaine's boyfriend, and Tony's center of hate, jealousy and distaste to become Lelaine's love interest.
****
As all ordinary romance story, there is the involvenemt of a love triangle between Tony, Lelaine and Michael.
****
Lelaine has to deal with having the "planned life" she can create along with Michael, or the unsecure, "go-with-the-flow" lifestyle of Tony.
She chose Tony's life, and she has learned to live the life of simplicity.
****
ANother story that made me realize to slow down and just take life as it is. It has made me remember my all-time motto: "Ayos lang, agos lang"
and that, it's too early for me to feel pressured about my future and the life I'm planning to live.
loving the bum life
I haven't been going to work for the past three days. Why? I'm burned out...totally. I don't find meaning anymore in what I do. I do not take pride, even feel happy about coming to work and guess what, talk to people over the phone, most especially americans who just get irate on you, when in the first place I don't have anything to do with them and that I'm just doing my job.
I'm a journalism graduate, and right now, best thing that I want to do is to get, even a low-paying job and write. In the first place, that's what I have thoughtI'll be doing when I graduate.
I just had a job interview yesterday for a small magazine publication, and somehow, I impressed the h.r.
I still have another job interview, either on tuesday or wednesday, with the editorial assistant herself, whose position I will be fiiling in, if ever I get the job.
The h.r person offered me the position of editorial assistant.
It's one of the things I'm looking forward to because, it's going to be my first step in the writing career.
I'll be needing that for my CV someday, when I apply for a better company-publication or broadcast.
I just wish I get the job.
****
As I've said, I've been at home for three days straight. Just getting rest, and making up stories of me not feeling well to my supervisor. (ooopps...sorry)
I feel bad that I have to make up some lies of me being sick, but really, it won't be helpful if I drag myself to work when I'm not really in the zone for work...
Pushing myself to do that would mean pushing mysel to insanity, anger management, and guess what...more angst.
Right now, I'm here, figuring out a way to let both ends meet if I end the high paying job.
****
I'm thinking of developing a business with my money left. I'm thinking, it can somehow help me with my finances...well, mostly for the family once I decide to finally quit the job.
****
If ever I get the writing stint, I'll be havinga meager salary of 7k-10k a month, a lot less than what I've been getting from the call center.
My mom told me, "OK lang naman, the question is, kaya mo bang mabuhay sa gannong salary?"
My answer. (HOnest answer, actually) "OO naman, kaya ko...ang iniisip ko kayo!"
I already told one of my sisters that I would like to quit the call center job, and she went on ranting with me: "wala na naman tayong kakainin!"
It somehow, kind of pissed me off. Because in the first place, I am trying to help the family, but don't go on with me and depend as if it's my sole responsibility to keep you living!
I mean, where's the gratitude?
Anyway, just some rants.
****
By tomorrow morning, or rather, later in the eveing, I need to go to work early so that I won't have troubles of coming to work for my 4am shift tomorrow. I'll be sleeping in he office lounge.
And, tomorrow, I need to face the world once again.
I'm a journalism graduate, and right now, best thing that I want to do is to get, even a low-paying job and write. In the first place, that's what I have thoughtI'll be doing when I graduate.
I just had a job interview yesterday for a small magazine publication, and somehow, I impressed the h.r.
I still have another job interview, either on tuesday or wednesday, with the editorial assistant herself, whose position I will be fiiling in, if ever I get the job.
The h.r person offered me the position of editorial assistant.
It's one of the things I'm looking forward to because, it's going to be my first step in the writing career.
I'll be needing that for my CV someday, when I apply for a better company-publication or broadcast.
I just wish I get the job.
****
As I've said, I've been at home for three days straight. Just getting rest, and making up stories of me not feeling well to my supervisor. (ooopps...sorry)
I feel bad that I have to make up some lies of me being sick, but really, it won't be helpful if I drag myself to work when I'm not really in the zone for work...
Pushing myself to do that would mean pushing mysel to insanity, anger management, and guess what...more angst.
Right now, I'm here, figuring out a way to let both ends meet if I end the high paying job.
****
I'm thinking of developing a business with my money left. I'm thinking, it can somehow help me with my finances...well, mostly for the family once I decide to finally quit the job.
****
If ever I get the writing stint, I'll be havinga meager salary of 7k-10k a month, a lot less than what I've been getting from the call center.
My mom told me, "OK lang naman, the question is, kaya mo bang mabuhay sa gannong salary?"
My answer. (HOnest answer, actually) "OO naman, kaya ko...ang iniisip ko kayo!"
I already told one of my sisters that I would like to quit the call center job, and she went on ranting with me: "wala na naman tayong kakainin!"
It somehow, kind of pissed me off. Because in the first place, I am trying to help the family, but don't go on with me and depend as if it's my sole responsibility to keep you living!
I mean, where's the gratitude?
Anyway, just some rants.
****
By tomorrow morning, or rather, later in the eveing, I need to go to work early so that I won't have troubles of coming to work for my 4am shift tomorrow. I'll be sleeping in he office lounge.
And, tomorrow, I need to face the world once again.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
pinoy, ikaw ba to
This day is a blood-rising encounter with pinoy and how rude they can become!
Red tape, red tape...bureaucratic red tape! Clerks at the SSS office don't have an inch of a knowledge on how they can assist their members. Once you get there, it's already hard enduring long lines just to apply for a document you need, but WORSE is how clerks and government employees can treat you! This morning, I went to their office for like the fourth time this year to make a follow up, submitting needed documents on how I can apply for an SSS id. Now, I know for some, it's just an easy application wherein you have to wait for your turn to get assisted, submit documents, the employee checks if you have a current employment, or if you have been making contributions, and that's it, you breeze through on your way to taking your digital id picture.
But I have a different, temper-rising experience. After my graveyard shoft at the office today, I went to SSS early to apply for my ID. I went there at 7am, thiinking that by being early, I would be able to avoid the long line, and the possible hustle and bustle of people coming in and out of the office, take into consideration the late morning traffic. So there, I went, readied my documents: 2 ids, E-1 sss form that state my initial application for an SSS no. from last year, my birth certificate (one original and one photocopy) just so when clerks ask me to submit one right away, I already have them ready.
As expected, the clerk asked me that I have lacking documents, specifically my birth cert. and that my SSS application is on temporary status.
I told them that I have already submitted onelast year when I applied for a number. The clerk told me that it's not stated in their documents, and that if I really did submit, there should have been a check mark at the staement of requirements at the back of thepink SS no. form.
Me, since I was preventing myself from saying bad things, I simply exhaled, took in the realit of situation that this is how the government system works, and said, "tssk, tssk, tssk, grabe ang proseso ninyo dito"
I was hoping that it would make the clerk feel taken aback.
Guess what?, She did not.
My possible reason-well, they've been getting complaints from members almost all day, all the time, and getting one remark from one member who's been her first time to encounter government application processes (as she has been just a rookie in the employment/corporate/labor world), won't get to them.
In short, they have been used to it, manhid na sila!
and to just shout out my rant:SOBRANG MANHID NILA SAGAD TO THE BONES!
Unluckily, who can escape Philippine Bureaucratic Red tape?, I guess no one does.
I just wish they get a dose of their own medicine.
Or maybe not, they're used to the everyday hardships, pakapalan na lang ng mukha.
Well, this is the Philippines, and welcome to their world!!!!
****
For me, they should be able to assist their members, even the guards at the fron of the building before you enter the so-called floor of MAC (Membership Assistance Center)
How ironic, you cannot even feel an ounce of assistance coming from them!
Anyway, they should tell where you should line up, what documents you need, and what happens when you don't have the needed accounts, and not simply tell a member to go home and get the document she needs before she gets assisted.
I mean, what if the applicant lives in Bulacan, or Fairview even, and the person has to endure the traffic, morning heat/global warming, and pollution just to go to the office.
How inconsiderate.
Shame, shame, shame.
*****
Another encounter, I went home, feeling sleepy and tired from work and from going to the SSS office. I was about to buy 25-peso load from the sar-sari store in our neighborhood. I was calling out to the tindera, maybe I called her twice, and the tindera didn't respond right away.
Suddenly, I heard her ranting, "sandali lang, sandali lang, wag ka mashadong nagmamadali!"
(again, I felt my blood shooting out of me)
I told her with a pissed off face, "Ang gusto ko lang po sabihin, may kailangan lang dinkasi ako. Hindi ako nagmamadali!"
I should have told her, "teka, customer ako dito a. Sino ba dapat ang masusunod?"
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to tell her this in front of her face. I kept mum because I didn't want to cause a scene, or even shut her up with all the vulgar words I can find in my own vocabulary of cuss words.
I was still giving her a bit of respect.
but one of these times, God forbid me, but I will shout at her, or remark something that will make her realize that she needs to respect her customers. She needs to give us, customers respect, as a form of graitude for patronizing/buying her goods.
It's like, nagtitinda ka na nga lang, ikaw pa ang may balak magyabang!.
I mean no offense meant, to the sellers all over the country, I respect them for being hardworker (well, that is for some who value their work well). But there exist in our country who feel as if people owe them for being there. The work they do has gotten into their heads already and feel as if they are the one needed.
****
Not only do these people cause high-blood, bad temper, or even ruin your mood, but it feels sad too, because it is your kapwa-filipino who do these things to you.
In my form of work, it's hard already creating a head-to-head verbal, argumentative battle with irate, pissed off and depressed americans ranting about their debts, then you get the same amount of negative treatment from people of your same nationality.
And you receive the same effect. it pisses you off, it makes you want to scream, say cuss words and just wish that the person who offended you or stressed you ot will just receive their karma or dose of their own medicine in time.
There's no escaping the disrespect and rudeness, kano man o kapwa pinoy.
Red tape, red tape...bureaucratic red tape! Clerks at the SSS office don't have an inch of a knowledge on how they can assist their members. Once you get there, it's already hard enduring long lines just to apply for a document you need, but WORSE is how clerks and government employees can treat you! This morning, I went to their office for like the fourth time this year to make a follow up, submitting needed documents on how I can apply for an SSS id. Now, I know for some, it's just an easy application wherein you have to wait for your turn to get assisted, submit documents, the employee checks if you have a current employment, or if you have been making contributions, and that's it, you breeze through on your way to taking your digital id picture.
But I have a different, temper-rising experience. After my graveyard shoft at the office today, I went to SSS early to apply for my ID. I went there at 7am, thiinking that by being early, I would be able to avoid the long line, and the possible hustle and bustle of people coming in and out of the office, take into consideration the late morning traffic. So there, I went, readied my documents: 2 ids, E-1 sss form that state my initial application for an SSS no. from last year, my birth certificate (one original and one photocopy) just so when clerks ask me to submit one right away, I already have them ready.
As expected, the clerk asked me that I have lacking documents, specifically my birth cert. and that my SSS application is on temporary status.
I told them that I have already submitted onelast year when I applied for a number. The clerk told me that it's not stated in their documents, and that if I really did submit, there should have been a check mark at the staement of requirements at the back of thepink SS no. form.
Me, since I was preventing myself from saying bad things, I simply exhaled, took in the realit of situation that this is how the government system works, and said, "tssk, tssk, tssk, grabe ang proseso ninyo dito"
I was hoping that it would make the clerk feel taken aback.
Guess what?, She did not.
My possible reason-well, they've been getting complaints from members almost all day, all the time, and getting one remark from one member who's been her first time to encounter government application processes (as she has been just a rookie in the employment/corporate/labor world), won't get to them.
In short, they have been used to it, manhid na sila!
and to just shout out my rant:SOBRANG MANHID NILA SAGAD TO THE BONES!
Unluckily, who can escape Philippine Bureaucratic Red tape?, I guess no one does.
I just wish they get a dose of their own medicine.
Or maybe not, they're used to the everyday hardships, pakapalan na lang ng mukha.
Well, this is the Philippines, and welcome to their world!!!!
****
For me, they should be able to assist their members, even the guards at the fron of the building before you enter the so-called floor of MAC (Membership Assistance Center)
How ironic, you cannot even feel an ounce of assistance coming from them!
Anyway, they should tell where you should line up, what documents you need, and what happens when you don't have the needed accounts, and not simply tell a member to go home and get the document she needs before she gets assisted.
I mean, what if the applicant lives in Bulacan, or Fairview even, and the person has to endure the traffic, morning heat/global warming, and pollution just to go to the office.
How inconsiderate.
Shame, shame, shame.
*****
Another encounter, I went home, feeling sleepy and tired from work and from going to the SSS office. I was about to buy 25-peso load from the sar-sari store in our neighborhood. I was calling out to the tindera, maybe I called her twice, and the tindera didn't respond right away.
Suddenly, I heard her ranting, "sandali lang, sandali lang, wag ka mashadong nagmamadali!"
(again, I felt my blood shooting out of me)
I told her with a pissed off face, "Ang gusto ko lang po sabihin, may kailangan lang dinkasi ako. Hindi ako nagmamadali!"
I should have told her, "teka, customer ako dito a. Sino ba dapat ang masusunod?"
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to tell her this in front of her face. I kept mum because I didn't want to cause a scene, or even shut her up with all the vulgar words I can find in my own vocabulary of cuss words.
I was still giving her a bit of respect.
but one of these times, God forbid me, but I will shout at her, or remark something that will make her realize that she needs to respect her customers. She needs to give us, customers respect, as a form of graitude for patronizing/buying her goods.
It's like, nagtitinda ka na nga lang, ikaw pa ang may balak magyabang!.
I mean no offense meant, to the sellers all over the country, I respect them for being hardworker (well, that is for some who value their work well). But there exist in our country who feel as if people owe them for being there. The work they do has gotten into their heads already and feel as if they are the one needed.
****
Not only do these people cause high-blood, bad temper, or even ruin your mood, but it feels sad too, because it is your kapwa-filipino who do these things to you.
In my form of work, it's hard already creating a head-to-head verbal, argumentative battle with irate, pissed off and depressed americans ranting about their debts, then you get the same amount of negative treatment from people of your same nationality.
And you receive the same effect. it pisses you off, it makes you want to scream, say cuss words and just wish that the person who offended you or stressed you ot will just receive their karma or dose of their own medicine in time.
There's no escaping the disrespect and rudeness, kano man o kapwa pinoy.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
down with the flu
i am so down with the flu for three days now. Haven't realized that it will still hit me this bad, or rather, worse. I haven't been this too sick since...let me see, four years ago. Now, I realize that the reason for the sickness is none other than the big S......STRESS.
I've been sick since thursday night while I was in the office, trying very hard to hit quota. You see, I still needed 40,000 credits to do it, and eventually, make me eligible to get my bonus for the next month. Sadly, we had system/technical problems the whole shift. It gave me headache, thus too much pressure to hit my goals. Two hours before the shift ended, I decided to go straight to the clinic to rest. And besides, I didn't want to infect Abbey with my sickness, as it could be worse because she's pregnant.
My office buddies were already telling me that night that I was getting sick because of too much pressure I was giving to myself, and also because I went on a killer/double shift the previous day. (now, there's truth in what they say, THE KILLER SHIFT, it really kills your system!)
And because I hate it when people tell me, "I told you so", I asked them to just keep mum about it. I didn't want everyone to know that I've been "dying" to hit my goals, it'll just result to another bout of pangaral from my two boss.
I really wanted to hit quota, but then, there's still another month to work on it, but this time, I have to do it in a careful manner, and not risk my health just for it.
Now, I realize the truth that good health comes first above all.
****
When I was on my second year in college, I was sick for two weeks because I tried to finish a certain documentary for my then school org-TOMCAT. I was pressured to finish it for lots of reasons. First, because I was the Executive Producer for social docus, finishing a docu based on the set timetable is proof that I can make things work. Second, I needed to set an example for newbies on my team. Third, I wanted to prove something to my co-members/leaders of other teams. And fourth, I was afraid of getting shouted and get scolded in the face by our "Program/Traffic manager". (I can just remember what a terror she was back then)
Anyway, sadly, I wasn't able to finish it because two or three days to the end of our time timetable, I broke out. I was having the chills already. I was sent back home to Taytay by my mom who picked me up at the University.
That happened back in August as well,one or two weeks after my birthday.
I had my things from my then-apartment packed and sent home to Taytay. It appeared that living alone wasn't healthy for me.
****
Now, I reallize that it's stress that's getting in to me. It has always been my problem and main source of health breakdown. Thus, I have to take proper precautions. Careful not to overdo things. No matter how hard I try to do things perfectly, I guess I have limitations to think as well, and I can only be better as long as I don't give away my health on the line.
Now, I've really learned my lessons.
I've been sick since thursday night while I was in the office, trying very hard to hit quota. You see, I still needed 40,000 credits to do it, and eventually, make me eligible to get my bonus for the next month. Sadly, we had system/technical problems the whole shift. It gave me headache, thus too much pressure to hit my goals. Two hours before the shift ended, I decided to go straight to the clinic to rest. And besides, I didn't want to infect Abbey with my sickness, as it could be worse because she's pregnant.
My office buddies were already telling me that night that I was getting sick because of too much pressure I was giving to myself, and also because I went on a killer/double shift the previous day. (now, there's truth in what they say, THE KILLER SHIFT, it really kills your system!)
And because I hate it when people tell me, "I told you so", I asked them to just keep mum about it. I didn't want everyone to know that I've been "dying" to hit my goals, it'll just result to another bout of pangaral from my two boss.
I really wanted to hit quota, but then, there's still another month to work on it, but this time, I have to do it in a careful manner, and not risk my health just for it.
Now, I realize the truth that good health comes first above all.
****
When I was on my second year in college, I was sick for two weeks because I tried to finish a certain documentary for my then school org-TOMCAT. I was pressured to finish it for lots of reasons. First, because I was the Executive Producer for social docus, finishing a docu based on the set timetable is proof that I can make things work. Second, I needed to set an example for newbies on my team. Third, I wanted to prove something to my co-members/leaders of other teams. And fourth, I was afraid of getting shouted and get scolded in the face by our "Program/Traffic manager". (I can just remember what a terror she was back then)
Anyway, sadly, I wasn't able to finish it because two or three days to the end of our time timetable, I broke out. I was having the chills already. I was sent back home to Taytay by my mom who picked me up at the University.
That happened back in August as well,one or two weeks after my birthday.
I had my things from my then-apartment packed and sent home to Taytay. It appeared that living alone wasn't healthy for me.
****
Now, I reallize that it's stress that's getting in to me. It has always been my problem and main source of health breakdown. Thus, I have to take proper precautions. Careful not to overdo things. No matter how hard I try to do things perfectly, I guess I have limitations to think as well, and I can only be better as long as I don't give away my health on the line.
Now, I've really learned my lessons.
Monday, August 27, 2007
going gaga over wentworth!
I have a super huge crush on wentworth miller. Darn, even at all angles, he's really attractive!!!!darn, darn, darn!...It's so, "obsessing"...harhar!!!...
Me, my 11-year old sister, 18-year old sister, and also my mother were gushing while we were watching Prison Break Season 1, and we can't get enough of it. I say, we're really hooked on it. Well, not entirely because of our admiration on the said hunk but because of the story as well, but anyway, that's a part of another topic.
As of the moment, I'm surfing the net, checking on pictures of the guy, there was this fan site with whole lot of pictures, it's so overwhelming!!!!
So here, I'm posting some...
shocks, love the guy, really!!!!!
It was until now that I have developed this big crush on an actor!. I think this makes me a groupie, but wha the heck, it doesn't happen all the time, so I'm currently indulging on the feeling...sigh!
When will I find a real person as good looking as him...
Am in a dreamy state!
****
check out mariah's video "we belong together" he's there as well..
The guy looks so urban!, such a yuppie!
darn it!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
it's unfair!!!
Last Friday, I had the time to watch some friends go on an audition for a singing contest in the office. Ian, Cris, Chase and Tats joined, if not hoping to win, but to just have the expereince of actually joining a singing contest and see if they can face the crowd, singing.
Me and Joey even accompanied Cris on a practice at the videoke. She's got vocal powers, especially during videoke. Well, unlike me, wherein my voice gets trapped when singing...
Our main bet is Chase, what with her golden voice. She can hit the notes and she catches the crowd, or if not us, when she's singing. We have actually heard her sing at one of our team building wherein we had videoke. sobrang galing!
When it was her turn to sing, well, as expected, she captured the attention of the crowd, when she sang "Through the fire"...
We were in awe, I even felt my skin go goosebumps!
Joey and me told them, she'll get the part,. We were confident she'll be a finalist! As compared to others, she's one of the best, along with our other bets, Ayna, and the other person from our account.
Just then, this candidate, A guy with glasses, neat-looking who sort-of looked attractive, especially for the homos...or a bading-favorite at that, sang.
Joey, being gay, or rather, who has the woman-blood in her. looked at me and said, "gusto to ng mga bading, makukuha ito!"
I was like, "If he do get the part while Chase doesn't, well, I'm gonna throw my cell phone...heard me, JOey, m gonna throw my phone!"
I didn't even remember what the guy's performance was, he just looked attractive that's all, but singing-wise, Chase is better, way better than him!
When announcement for the finalists came...well, suprise who got the last part...none other than the guy in red shirt with the glasses!
We were like, "what the fuck!"
It shocked us. We even saw Chase's frustration.
The judgement was lame, pretty lame.
I mean, in the first place, the two judges were like, homos who let their "libido" rule over good judgement.
Joey was especially shocked. In a way, nahiya siya for the homo spciety. He told me, this is the reason why homos are considered negative for the society: they don't rule good judgement, they are full of biases.."libido kasi ang pinapairal nila e!" he said.
I can feel Joey's frustration for his kind.
Anyway, who have seen a singing contest, organized by 2 homos and judged by the same homos as well?
Bias!, bias, bias, bias!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
It's good that Chase was able to pick herself up and still manage to feel good. Hanga ako for her ability to feel and say: "Anyhow, this doesn't stop me from singing my heart out!"
Yes, Chase, don't let it stop you from doing the things you really love!
Because of what happened as well, Joey doesn't feel like going to the Family day at Trinoma, the gathering which is also the "Grand Finals" for the singing contest,, and another event organized by the 2 homos who male up the Employee Relations division of our company...
As for me, im starting to hate those 2 homos as well.
******
Cris, Ian and Tats did well for the contest as well. It was touching to see that even their boss was their to support them. (Nice:-))
I admire them for knowing their abilities, as well as the strength to sing in front if the crowd...a talent, which I have long ago abandoned and threw out the window!
I didn't know that Tats had the voice. One thing, he can join the pep squad, really good, loud and full voice!
Ian, well, he just didn't have a well-modulated voice, but, if only he sang with a guitar and accomoaniment, I know he can do it.
Cris on the other hand, lacks experience, she need to get used with singing in a crowd, that's all. She's afraid of hitting the high notes but I know, in time, and given more practice singing in front of the crowd, I know she can do it. As Sir Pep has told them, "you are all winners!"
Me and Joey even accompanied Cris on a practice at the videoke. She's got vocal powers, especially during videoke. Well, unlike me, wherein my voice gets trapped when singing...
Our main bet is Chase, what with her golden voice. She can hit the notes and she catches the crowd, or if not us, when she's singing. We have actually heard her sing at one of our team building wherein we had videoke. sobrang galing!
When it was her turn to sing, well, as expected, she captured the attention of the crowd, when she sang "Through the fire"...
We were in awe, I even felt my skin go goosebumps!
Joey and me told them, she'll get the part,. We were confident she'll be a finalist! As compared to others, she's one of the best, along with our other bets, Ayna, and the other person from our account.
Just then, this candidate, A guy with glasses, neat-looking who sort-of looked attractive, especially for the homos...or a bading-favorite at that, sang.
Joey, being gay, or rather, who has the woman-blood in her. looked at me and said, "gusto to ng mga bading, makukuha ito!"
I was like, "If he do get the part while Chase doesn't, well, I'm gonna throw my cell phone...heard me, JOey, m gonna throw my phone!"
I didn't even remember what the guy's performance was, he just looked attractive that's all, but singing-wise, Chase is better, way better than him!
When announcement for the finalists came...well, suprise who got the last part...none other than the guy in red shirt with the glasses!
We were like, "what the fuck!"
It shocked us. We even saw Chase's frustration.
The judgement was lame, pretty lame.
I mean, in the first place, the two judges were like, homos who let their "libido" rule over good judgement.
Joey was especially shocked. In a way, nahiya siya for the homo spciety. He told me, this is the reason why homos are considered negative for the society: they don't rule good judgement, they are full of biases.."libido kasi ang pinapairal nila e!" he said.
I can feel Joey's frustration for his kind.
Anyway, who have seen a singing contest, organized by 2 homos and judged by the same homos as well?
Bias!, bias, bias, bias!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
It's good that Chase was able to pick herself up and still manage to feel good. Hanga ako for her ability to feel and say: "Anyhow, this doesn't stop me from singing my heart out!"
Yes, Chase, don't let it stop you from doing the things you really love!
Because of what happened as well, Joey doesn't feel like going to the Family day at Trinoma, the gathering which is also the "Grand Finals" for the singing contest,, and another event organized by the 2 homos who male up the Employee Relations division of our company...
As for me, im starting to hate those 2 homos as well.
******
Cris, Ian and Tats did well for the contest as well. It was touching to see that even their boss was their to support them. (Nice:-))
I admire them for knowing their abilities, as well as the strength to sing in front if the crowd...a talent, which I have long ago abandoned and threw out the window!
I didn't know that Tats had the voice. One thing, he can join the pep squad, really good, loud and full voice!
Ian, well, he just didn't have a well-modulated voice, but, if only he sang with a guitar and accomoaniment, I know he can do it.
Cris on the other hand, lacks experience, she need to get used with singing in a crowd, that's all. She's afraid of hitting the high notes but I know, in time, and given more practice singing in front of the crowd, I know she can do it. As Sir Pep has told them, "you are all winners!"
back to posting
I just had a really hectic week...MOnday til Sunday, twas a workday for me. I just got past the hurdle of telling my boss that I have to change my rest days for this month. I got an alibi, saying that's why I can't come to work, its because I need to attend to my grandma who just arrive frm the states...(bad me, for telling a lie!)
Well, the truth was, I have to go to training for lakbay..:-(
anyway, i have the biggest hope that my boss' not reading this so anyway, here goes...
I don't know if I'll push through with being an outbound facilitator. the work IS demanding. Well, we have to watch out on kids. We are going to be trip facilitators. Not just tour guides, it's something adventurous because it involves hiking, camping, swimming and all those kinds of outdoor adventures. If you look at it, it's really fun, especially if you love adventura and all, but as I've said, it's not all-adventure and fun. As facilitators, aside from enjoyment for travelling, it asks you to multi-tasked: take care of kids, see their safety, educate them and let them experience the fun...
I don't know if I can do it, because...it's too tasky...plus, the safety of almost 50 or so students lie in my hand...they are my responsibility!!!
***sigh***, really big sigh!...
plus, another thing that's bothering me, if I have the time for other activities, why can't I find them to do the thing I love most-writing.
Well, I'm not going to go back with my rants on writing, but it just dawned on me, why can't I just devote my spare time on going part time for a writing job?
Well, here's my answer (and I just realized it just now)
I am not good on just sitting down and write. I have to do something else., before the writing inspiration or "gana" comes to me.
****
Waiting for inspiration is not actually a vaild reason, but then...
maybe I'm doing this because I want to do a lot of things. I don't want to be confined into doing just one thing, good at just one area.
Laida, one of my co-trainee at lakbay just told me that it's actually good that I'm doing a lot of things, andjust because I'm a journ grad doesn't mean I have to be confined in writing per se. It's actually part of me. As a writer, I have to be involved in a lot of stuff...see the background of different things. It makes you a jack of all trades, knowing and doing a lot of things, helps you to have a feel og what different things/activites make a person. In writing, it helps you to be credible, because in the first place, you understand the feeling of undergoing a lot of different things and situations....
Well, the truth was, I have to go to training for lakbay..:-(
anyway, i have the biggest hope that my boss' not reading this so anyway, here goes...
I don't know if I'll push through with being an outbound facilitator. the work IS demanding. Well, we have to watch out on kids. We are going to be trip facilitators. Not just tour guides, it's something adventurous because it involves hiking, camping, swimming and all those kinds of outdoor adventures. If you look at it, it's really fun, especially if you love adventura and all, but as I've said, it's not all-adventure and fun. As facilitators, aside from enjoyment for travelling, it asks you to multi-tasked: take care of kids, see their safety, educate them and let them experience the fun...
I don't know if I can do it, because...it's too tasky...plus, the safety of almost 50 or so students lie in my hand...they are my responsibility!!!
***sigh***, really big sigh!...
plus, another thing that's bothering me, if I have the time for other activities, why can't I find them to do the thing I love most-writing.
Well, I'm not going to go back with my rants on writing, but it just dawned on me, why can't I just devote my spare time on going part time for a writing job?
Well, here's my answer (and I just realized it just now)
I am not good on just sitting down and write. I have to do something else., before the writing inspiration or "gana" comes to me.
****
Waiting for inspiration is not actually a vaild reason, but then...
maybe I'm doing this because I want to do a lot of things. I don't want to be confined into doing just one thing, good at just one area.
Laida, one of my co-trainee at lakbay just told me that it's actually good that I'm doing a lot of things, andjust because I'm a journ grad doesn't mean I have to be confined in writing per se. It's actually part of me. As a writer, I have to be involved in a lot of stuff...see the background of different things. It makes you a jack of all trades, knowing and doing a lot of things, helps you to have a feel og what different things/activites make a person. In writing, it helps you to be credible, because in the first place, you understand the feeling of undergoing a lot of different things and situations....
Saturday, August 11, 2007
it's mah birthday!!!!
Am a year older now...say, I'm 17...nah, just kidding!!!
Anyway, luck is not on my side this day...how ironic...but I don't mind...it'll just ruin my day...so here it goes...
had problems with blogger uploading my pictures, so i have to do it over and over again...
okay, as i should have said earlier...
I just feel really grateful for everything that has been happening with mah life---friends, family, career!!! Tere gave me this gift, an angel-art work she made...really made an effort for that! I really thank her. Although I'm not really good at being mushy so, there, I just thanked her..thanked from the bottom of my insensitive, stone-heart! hehe...the other one, well it's not really a gift, but something mg boss gave me because I kept on asking him for that candy!!!hehe, it's sourheads...and its really maasim at first but when it styas in your mouth, it gets sweet...i told him, so pag inaantok ako, alam mo na kung ano ibibgay mo sakin para magising ako!...
I also thank those people who greeted me today, Tin's countdown to my birthday, my aunts who greeted over the phone and through text telling me it's just my debut...i told them...hinde a, younger than that, am 17! hahaha...To my cousin, who woke me up in the middle of my sweet-sounding sleep today just to greet me over the phone...and tell me to come over to their place. To my high school frieinds and choirmates who still remembered...
I felt really appreciated and all. I thought they have forgotten about me already!!!!
Anyway, there's this part of my supposed-to-be post a while ago that was about thanking my non-biological brother...
On lovelife, the thing I'm lacking now, hahaha!..As bro told me, it will come...
Well, I know it will...and im not really rushing...
Anyway, I thank my bro, kahit na most of the time nakakaasar siya and all...I'll miss him, because he is part of the team, and also because he is the bro I never had. We may not have moments of serious conversation, but I do know he's one of the persons I can turn to...especially financially..haha, just kidding!
So, anyway, here it is...the post I should have moments ago posted already...
Basta, I'm really happy!...o sha, I have to rush, still have to go to work!
I'll be celebrating my birthday in the office, I'll be bringing pansit malabon...I dunno kung mapapakain ko sila lahat!, goodluck to moi!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Twas a long, and tiring rainy day
I arrived at the office a quarter past 10. Still it was raining heavy. The Umbrella which I borrowed from my father, almost got disentangled again. It was a good thing that I was nearing the office building already when it happened.
I was growing tired already. Tired, but not succumbing to it, for nonetheless, though it had been a taxing day, I had fun, and again, I felt motivated to do things I want to do, or pursue some crafts I love.
The afternoon before that, I went to UP Hotel to attend an orientation for this certain group needing outbound educators. I found out about their ad one day, while I was busy reading the newspapers and thought if I should give it a try.
Outbound Education is one of the major programs specialized by the group Lakbay Kalikasan. They promote environmental awareness and appreciation through their series of educational trips to the outdoors, to let everyone see the beauty of nature. Unlike from the usual fieldtrips wherein children become only passive observers, Through Outbound education delves on hands-on dealing with environment. The group goes on hiking, camping, and even swimming, memorable activities that will forever remind anyone of the beauty that they have experienced (here is lakbay kalikasan's site on outbound education: http://www.lakbaykalikasan.com/)
Finding out about the group, and eventually hoping to become one of the facilitators for them is one of the things that I would really love to be part of. One of my interests is to travel, and hopefully, with this, I would be able to fulfill that interest. Not only that, I would be able to leanr as well about the environment, and really see the beauty of the surroundings we have. Not only that, I would be able to meet different kinds of people and interact with them.
Those were the things that make me feel whole. I love to be with people, meeting different kinds, different personalities, and also to have the adventure with traveling and going to different places. (I told this to Joey, that I was right, I cannot live without being surrounded with action, activities and people. Gusto ko lagi akong may nakikitang movement! I get bored If I do not, I feel everything is so dull! Joey agrees on this. Anyway, that's part of yet again another post..)
I would be having my first training session to be an outbound educator on Sunday. Hopefully, I don't have work. I should have, but we're having sked changes, so that's good!) And yes, I am so psyched with being a part of it!
Going to UP on a really stormy afternoon was an adventure in itself. FYI, I live in Taytay, and going to UP would take me two rides, one an fx going to katipunan, then a jeep to UP ikot...
traffic was bad, but what would occur as no-joke would be the flood you'll meet on the roads.
Anyway, I managed to get myself to UP. Along the way, I met two guys who were as well going to the event. They approached me and ask if I know the way to UP Hotel, as it is where the orientation will be held.
At the back of my mind, I was like, I don't know about the places here myself...Hindi po ako taga-UP. But my sister who does, created a sketch for me, so that's why I was confident I was going to find the place. And well, knowing myself, I always know how to find my way without really making a big fuss about it! Magaling yata ako sa hanapan at lakaran!!!hehehe...
"Alam ko po doon yun malapit sa UP film chaka bahay ng alumni" So,the three of us joined together in our quest to find the said place.
It sounded and looked funny to look for the place with two guys along. It was like, when I ask a question aloud to the jeepney driver and ask "Manong, saan po ba ang UP hotel?", People around wiill stare at us with mischievous thoughts in mind... No, hindi po kmi magth-threesome, and were not in for something obscene. So, I just kept my mouth shut the whole time, not really in a conversing mood with the guys, and silently asked the driver :"Manong san po ang UP Hotel?"
It looked like the driver didn't know about it as well, and instead pointed us to the direction of UP Hostel. When we went there, guess what, wrong place!
The two guys had contacts, or were recruits from a certain member of Lakbak Kalikasan as well, so he was able to ask what will be our route going there.
We as well asked a lady from the hostel if she knows the way going to the hotel. We even asked her, pwede lang po ba lakarin, and she said yes, but with the rain's downpour, it will be difficult!
Anyway, we took the advice of one of the guys' friends from Lakbay Kalikasan, so, we toot the jeep going to Bahay Kalinaw. One of the guys asked the driver, "Ma, pakibaba na lang kami sa Bahay Kalinaw!"
Along the way, the two guys were chatting, mostly talking about their life-stories, their wives, their jobs, etc. As I was not in the mood to be chums with them initally, I felt aloof and slightly distant from them, but I was careful not to be rude nor sarcastic...
i was staring out of the jeepney's window for most of the ride. We went past buildings, establishments, government and organization offiices, even shanties or dilapidated houses along the way. We also went past empty lot areas...
Then we realize, mahaba-habang lakaran pala to kung nagkataon!
At long last, we finally arrived at the meeting place. With us, looking really exhausted, and of course wet from travelling under the heavy rain!
Para tayong mga basang sisiw nito! I ranted silently..
Anyway, going to the orientation was worth it. As Clint, the team leader who resided the orientation said. "I see something from this group. I know most of you will really be up to the challenge of being an outbound educator. You just had your first hurdle, and that is coming to this place, met by the bad weather we had."
***********
Cris and Joey were psyched about the idea as well. joey wanted to teach kids, at arts specially. He wanted to join the group as well. Cris, abd well being herself, wanted to join any kind of activity offered to her...
Joey and I had to extend for work that evening, when I went to thw office, quota's going to be at 200, 000 already and doing that adhering to normal working hours will be next to impossible. Also, we had to perform well already, as we had been warned and given out of a memo for working under non-performance.
I told Joey, pag hindi ako gumalaw galaw, alam ko mabubuwal na ako! I was really feeling exhausted, physivally. I can feel my hands getting weak already, and I can't think well, anyhow, I managed to get a debtor paid that night. Sulit na rin, not bad for extending!
We told out TL that we'll go over time from 10pm only til 12am...I was entertaining the idea of staying until two, or until I hit quoat for the day, but I was so bummed out already, what with the whole day adventure I had, add to that I haven't had sleep yet for the whole day.
I felt guilty a little. because unlike the "seven-due" people, who never-endly negotiates and exhaust every power they had into working hard and getting payments over the phone, here we are, a pair of "regular-due" people, extending for work and not really exhausting efforts to work. Yes, we were there physically, but we don't stress out on getting payments or so...
Anyway, as Tin would say, Hindi naman kasi yan ang focus ninyo e. Well, true, we are there because we get paid high, we perform, but we don't kill ourselves just to hit quota. We are meant for some other things. Joey is an artist who focuses on his craft, on the way to become an illustrator.
Me, on the other hand, is an adventurist girl, trying to experience different things, different situations. Life for me is about trying out for the different interests you would like to experience...traveling, arts, writing, taking pictures, creating images, imparting knowledge and ideas...living life in the now, in the beauty of the present and of what life offers...
I was growing tired already. Tired, but not succumbing to it, for nonetheless, though it had been a taxing day, I had fun, and again, I felt motivated to do things I want to do, or pursue some crafts I love.
The afternoon before that, I went to UP Hotel to attend an orientation for this certain group needing outbound educators. I found out about their ad one day, while I was busy reading the newspapers and thought if I should give it a try.
Outbound Education is one of the major programs specialized by the group Lakbay Kalikasan. They promote environmental awareness and appreciation through their series of educational trips to the outdoors, to let everyone see the beauty of nature. Unlike from the usual fieldtrips wherein children become only passive observers, Through Outbound education delves on hands-on dealing with environment. The group goes on hiking, camping, and even swimming, memorable activities that will forever remind anyone of the beauty that they have experienced (here is lakbay kalikasan's site on outbound education: http://www.lakbaykalikasan.com/)
Finding out about the group, and eventually hoping to become one of the facilitators for them is one of the things that I would really love to be part of. One of my interests is to travel, and hopefully, with this, I would be able to fulfill that interest. Not only that, I would be able to leanr as well about the environment, and really see the beauty of the surroundings we have. Not only that, I would be able to meet different kinds of people and interact with them.
Those were the things that make me feel whole. I love to be with people, meeting different kinds, different personalities, and also to have the adventure with traveling and going to different places. (I told this to Joey, that I was right, I cannot live without being surrounded with action, activities and people. Gusto ko lagi akong may nakikitang movement! I get bored If I do not, I feel everything is so dull! Joey agrees on this. Anyway, that's part of yet again another post..)
I would be having my first training session to be an outbound educator on Sunday. Hopefully, I don't have work. I should have, but we're having sked changes, so that's good!) And yes, I am so psyched with being a part of it!
Going to UP on a really stormy afternoon was an adventure in itself. FYI, I live in Taytay, and going to UP would take me two rides, one an fx going to katipunan, then a jeep to UP ikot...
traffic was bad, but what would occur as no-joke would be the flood you'll meet on the roads.
Anyway, I managed to get myself to UP. Along the way, I met two guys who were as well going to the event. They approached me and ask if I know the way to UP Hotel, as it is where the orientation will be held.
At the back of my mind, I was like, I don't know about the places here myself...Hindi po ako taga-UP. But my sister who does, created a sketch for me, so that's why I was confident I was going to find the place. And well, knowing myself, I always know how to find my way without really making a big fuss about it! Magaling yata ako sa hanapan at lakaran!!!hehehe...
"Alam ko po doon yun malapit sa UP film chaka bahay ng alumni" So,the three of us joined together in our quest to find the said place.
It sounded and looked funny to look for the place with two guys along. It was like, when I ask a question aloud to the jeepney driver and ask "Manong, saan po ba ang UP hotel?", People around wiill stare at us with mischievous thoughts in mind... No, hindi po kmi magth-threesome, and were not in for something obscene. So, I just kept my mouth shut the whole time, not really in a conversing mood with the guys, and silently asked the driver :"Manong san po ang UP Hotel?"
It looked like the driver didn't know about it as well, and instead pointed us to the direction of UP Hostel. When we went there, guess what, wrong place!
The two guys had contacts, or were recruits from a certain member of Lakbak Kalikasan as well, so he was able to ask what will be our route going there.
We as well asked a lady from the hostel if she knows the way going to the hotel. We even asked her, pwede lang po ba lakarin, and she said yes, but with the rain's downpour, it will be difficult!
Anyway, we took the advice of one of the guys' friends from Lakbay Kalikasan, so, we toot the jeep going to Bahay Kalinaw. One of the guys asked the driver, "Ma, pakibaba na lang kami sa Bahay Kalinaw!"
Along the way, the two guys were chatting, mostly talking about their life-stories, their wives, their jobs, etc. As I was not in the mood to be chums with them initally, I felt aloof and slightly distant from them, but I was careful not to be rude nor sarcastic...
i was staring out of the jeepney's window for most of the ride. We went past buildings, establishments, government and organization offiices, even shanties or dilapidated houses along the way. We also went past empty lot areas...
Then we realize, mahaba-habang lakaran pala to kung nagkataon!
At long last, we finally arrived at the meeting place. With us, looking really exhausted, and of course wet from travelling under the heavy rain!
Para tayong mga basang sisiw nito! I ranted silently..
Anyway, going to the orientation was worth it. As Clint, the team leader who resided the orientation said. "I see something from this group. I know most of you will really be up to the challenge of being an outbound educator. You just had your first hurdle, and that is coming to this place, met by the bad weather we had."
***********
Cris and Joey were psyched about the idea as well. joey wanted to teach kids, at arts specially. He wanted to join the group as well. Cris, abd well being herself, wanted to join any kind of activity offered to her...
Joey and I had to extend for work that evening, when I went to thw office, quota's going to be at 200, 000 already and doing that adhering to normal working hours will be next to impossible. Also, we had to perform well already, as we had been warned and given out of a memo for working under non-performance.
I told Joey, pag hindi ako gumalaw galaw, alam ko mabubuwal na ako! I was really feeling exhausted, physivally. I can feel my hands getting weak already, and I can't think well, anyhow, I managed to get a debtor paid that night. Sulit na rin, not bad for extending!
We told out TL that we'll go over time from 10pm only til 12am...I was entertaining the idea of staying until two, or until I hit quoat for the day, but I was so bummed out already, what with the whole day adventure I had, add to that I haven't had sleep yet for the whole day.
I felt guilty a little. because unlike the "seven-due" people, who never-endly negotiates and exhaust every power they had into working hard and getting payments over the phone, here we are, a pair of "regular-due" people, extending for work and not really exhausting efforts to work. Yes, we were there physically, but we don't stress out on getting payments or so...
Anyway, as Tin would say, Hindi naman kasi yan ang focus ninyo e. Well, true, we are there because we get paid high, we perform, but we don't kill ourselves just to hit quota. We are meant for some other things. Joey is an artist who focuses on his craft, on the way to become an illustrator.
Me, on the other hand, is an adventurist girl, trying to experience different things, different situations. Life for me is about trying out for the different interests you would like to experience...traveling, arts, writing, taking pictures, creating images, imparting knowledge and ideas...living life in the now, in the beauty of the present and of what life offers...
Monday, August 6, 2007
inspired...
my fave blog site is that of the celebrit Ala Paredes. I consider her an artist...all around, for that matter. She can paint, write, take nice pictures, delve into photography..etc, etc, etc. No, I'm not a groupie. Natutuwa lang ako.
Obviously, I don't have readers for my blog, so, moments ago, I surfed the net to check on some other's blogs, look at their lay outs, and style of writing. of course, first one I checked was that of Ala's, (here's the link to her blog...sadly, I dunno how to edit links....I have a really long way to go pa with blogging!...http://ala-ism.pansitan.net)
I went to her previous entries, specificall, her first posts at her blog. Funny, it seemed her concerns back then...checking out on how other people do their blogs, html codes, etc. This is what I call one's dilemma to achieve greatness in blogging!, hehehe...
Also, one thing I noiced, wala pa siya halos mga readers non, just a few comment on her posts, and most of the time, wala pa nagc-comment.
It really is a struggle, the first few posts at blogging and making a career out of it. Well, there are people who make money out of it, minsan, nakikilala sila and nah-hire ng mga companies because of their blogs, but when you're a newbie...well, pagtatawanan ka ng mga tao sa manner of writing mo and all that, sa napaka generic na lay out mo...well, I guess it's just a phase. Somehow, in time, my blog will get better!
I'm not saying tha I can be like Ala, but really, idol ko sha, in terms of how she created her blog. Napaka narrative niya magsulat, post lang ng mga pictures which she finds nice...basta...it's really basic, but it's really readable. Hindi sha trying hard na blog...everything seemed natural...
journal lang.
In time, gaganda rin ang blog ko!, hmmph!
Obviously, I don't have readers for my blog, so, moments ago, I surfed the net to check on some other's blogs, look at their lay outs, and style of writing. of course, first one I checked was that of Ala's, (here's the link to her blog...sadly, I dunno how to edit links....I have a really long way to go pa with blogging!...http://ala-ism.pansitan.net)
I went to her previous entries, specificall, her first posts at her blog. Funny, it seemed her concerns back then...checking out on how other people do their blogs, html codes, etc. This is what I call one's dilemma to achieve greatness in blogging!, hehehe...
Also, one thing I noiced, wala pa siya halos mga readers non, just a few comment on her posts, and most of the time, wala pa nagc-comment.
It really is a struggle, the first few posts at blogging and making a career out of it. Well, there are people who make money out of it, minsan, nakikilala sila and nah-hire ng mga companies because of their blogs, but when you're a newbie...well, pagtatawanan ka ng mga tao sa manner of writing mo and all that, sa napaka generic na lay out mo...well, I guess it's just a phase. Somehow, in time, my blog will get better!
I'm not saying tha I can be like Ala, but really, idol ko sha, in terms of how she created her blog. Napaka narrative niya magsulat, post lang ng mga pictures which she finds nice...basta...it's really basic, but it's really readable. Hindi sha trying hard na blog...everything seemed natural...
journal lang.
In time, gaganda rin ang blog ko!, hmmph!
Friday, August 3, 2007
it's STILL LIFE after all
Last Tuesday, I had the opportunity to watch Still Life at Cine Adarna, with my "artist-in-struggle" friend, Joey. We had already planned on watching the movie a month ago, because it's going to be our birth-month, and watching the film would be one of our gifts for ourselves. At first, I thought, we won't be able to watch the movie, because Joey had a sudden attack of "tamaditis" in coming to work that day. Anyway, I asked if he camn go watch the film, an dhe said yes, and so we decided on going to UP.
It was a rainy afternoon. We didn't have our umbrellas with us, and so we had to go, at suungin ang lakas ng ulan, just to watch it. I am not familiar with the grounds in UP (although, I have been at Cine Adarna once last year when I watched Tulad ng Dati, last year's winning entry for Cinemalaya, as well), so we had to find our way.
Anyway, we made it to the movie house, or rather at Cine Adarna...and we watched Still Life.
The film was about this artist, struggling to find meaning, once more in the craft he is pursuing. It starts with a cameo role from John LLoyd Cruz who was interviewing the artist, named James Flores as he was making a profile on an artist. (I think, what he really wants to do is ask for background on what's going on in the mind of an artist, because he is to portray that role for a certain movie) the actor asks, "paano ka ba nagpipinta?" In a non-chalant way, the artist, James threw the question back at him "ikaw paano ka ba umaarte?" John LLoyd just smiled and wasn't able to answer the question.
We are talking here of two abilities, which cannot be justified nor explained in basic, describable terms. Ability--it happens to anyone, anyone who would like to pursue something and be good in it. There are different strategies in doing so, and it's up to a person on how he will find a way through things.
Finding ways
James is a celebrated artist. He has held exhibits of his works already. However, he felt that something is missing. He can't seem to find something that will once again, motivate him and inspire to create. He is good at creating still-life paintings--pictures of different objects that is a representation of a person/people he meets in daily life. There was a painting of stiletto shoe of a woman-with its heel seemed broken--a representation of her mother...a messed-up dinner table, goblets of wine turned over, spilling it's wine contents, unfinished plate of food--a representation of an anniversary celebration gone wrong.
News from his doctor came to him, telling him he is suffering from a certain health problem, that's been causing muscle spasms in the body that makes him numb, sort-of a slow paralysis that can eat his system as time goes by. The dilemma? How is he going to pursue further that one craft he is good at now that his body is taking it away from him? It's bad that he seems unfulfilled already at what he is doing, and the paralysis has just made things worse.
James goes on a hiatus, with the goal of finally making his last piece, before retiring from the craft, before the disorder hit his system full time. He wen to an isolated place somewhere, which has beautiful greeneries, a nice view of the ocean, and other nice sceneries made by nature. Here he meets Emma, a barrio lass with a mission.
Emma rides on a bus going somewhere. Along with her is a baby's rattle or toy. It signifies her longing, for a child she wants to see again. She kisses it and says (as if the toy represents for her child) "isang araw, babalik ako para sayo...pangako yan" (not the exact line from the movie but the same point, anyway)
Emma is brought to the same place, same house where James has gone on an isolation. And here they meet each other. At first, there was a clash of each other's personalities, however, in time, and after sharing each other's stories, they seem to gron fond of each other.
Here you can see the contrast between each other's concerns. James' dilemmas are "art-like", on those things that deal with creating things with meaning, with representation, something on the creative level...the "creative craft". Emma, has disclosed to James about her life--she was a responsible person, and dreams of someday being successful and leave the barrio for something bigger. But things didn't go the way she wants it to be. She got pregnant, and being so, she feels guilty for bringing a child into this world. All because of a woman who made mistakes in her life! She wanted to abort her baby.
However, a kind doctor made Emma look at things in a different perspective. For a time, her baby became her reason for living. Her son became her inspiration and move on with life. But she decided to put the baby into adoption, to the kind doctor, who, for some time, has been having difficulty if having her own child.
This seemed a difficult decision for Emma, but she has to because she wants to give the baby a beautiful future, something that the doctor, along with his doctor-husband can provide.
And the toy-rattle--it was the representation of her baby which she promised to take care, and somday, to goback for him.
Back to James and Emma's adventures. Emma made JAmes look at life in a more positive way. In a conversation, James stressed out, "wala ng point!" But Emma was patient enough to tell her that as long as one lives, everything has a point. With her jolly and simple disposition--of looking at hings in a simple way, appreciating small endeavors that happen in one's life--the happiness of looking at the sea, the sky, the surroundings, and the people you meet along the way, are reason enough to feel life, and feel alive.
"ang dami ko pang gustong gawin, hindi ko pa nagagawa!"
James has finally realized the last painting he wants to draw, however, at the time that he was ready to do it, the paralysis hit him. He has been feeling the spasms and numbness more often, that it has made it difficult for him to draw. This depresses James. But Emma is at her side to help him.
James was about to cut his wrist with a blade (a labatiba, or so, for a barber, or a huge shaving blade, that is), when Emma sees him. "Ito ba ang gusto mong gawin, ito ba? Mas higit ka pa diyan, James" She cries at him.
THe time had come for Emma to leave. Emma tells her not to attempt at suicide ever again. James just smiled. Emma asks if she will still see him, and again, James answers with a silence, and hands her a box. "Andiyan and inspiration ko ha! Itago mo iyang mabuti. Kapag nagkita tayo, puwede mo siyang isauli sa akin!" He tells her.
On the bus, Emma meets an accident, she was rushed into the hospital, and was met by her friend doctor, her husband, with her son, cradled in the doctor's arms...
On the other hand, James is alone at the big house in the isolated place where he was staying. A cruciating spasm hits him, his whole body went numb, suddenly, there was darkness.
The next scene shows James at the hospital, her mother/doctor by her side, telling her. "James, ano bang ginagawa mo, anuman ang problema mo, we can work this out! We can help you!"
James mumbles something and asks, "nasaan si Emma?"
Her mother doctor seemed at a loss. "sinong Emma?"
Mer mother recounted that he was seen by the house's caretaker, drowning in his own blood, a cut on his wrist. He just made a fatal act on himself-a suicide attempt.
It occured to him that it was all just a dream--a dream that made him realize to find meaning in whatever he was doing. There is no need to end his life, and wallow on what he will lose. It's a matter of accepting the fate/destiny laid before him by life, and try to make something out of it. Losing something should not stop us from doing the things we want to achieve. It's about looking for another way, another strategy for us to do it. It's about finding perspective.
James was able to make his last piece, the picture of a woman, Emma, looking behind her back, on her background is the sea with an abandoned lighthouse in the horizon.
James now teaches young kids at painting. At this endeavor, he is able to impart his knowkedge, his skill on his craft, that is considered his life's works-the meaning of his existence-to create art!
The movie reminds me of Mitch Albom's novel, "For One More Day". It as well recounts of how a person's life was saved by a mother who promised her kid to help him in times of trouble. The movie seemed to be an overlapping of time, from a mother who went in her child's dream to fulfill her promise that someday, she will be back to save her child. The dream was a point of communication for both mother and son.
Great filming from Katzki Flores, the director who was able to show art. She presented scenes of objects, which at one point, can make you ask yourself, shot nga ba iyon, o drawing. She was able to bring art in the scene--the picture of a blade in the sink, of the lighthouse in the middle of the sea.
Flores, incorporated Cynthia Alexander's Song in the film, "Comfor in your Strangeness". It has been an effective musical score. Because of the film, the song can now be used as background music, for visual artists/painters who are inspired in doing their craft, with background music. In a way, it helps call out to your muse!
see the film's trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6Mnp3dOToU
It was a rainy afternoon. We didn't have our umbrellas with us, and so we had to go, at suungin ang lakas ng ulan, just to watch it. I am not familiar with the grounds in UP (although, I have been at Cine Adarna once last year when I watched Tulad ng Dati, last year's winning entry for Cinemalaya, as well), so we had to find our way.
Anyway, we made it to the movie house, or rather at Cine Adarna...and we watched Still Life.
The film was about this artist, struggling to find meaning, once more in the craft he is pursuing. It starts with a cameo role from John LLoyd Cruz who was interviewing the artist, named James Flores as he was making a profile on an artist. (I think, what he really wants to do is ask for background on what's going on in the mind of an artist, because he is to portray that role for a certain movie) the actor asks, "paano ka ba nagpipinta?" In a non-chalant way, the artist, James threw the question back at him "ikaw paano ka ba umaarte?" John LLoyd just smiled and wasn't able to answer the question.
We are talking here of two abilities, which cannot be justified nor explained in basic, describable terms. Ability--it happens to anyone, anyone who would like to pursue something and be good in it. There are different strategies in doing so, and it's up to a person on how he will find a way through things.
Finding ways
James is a celebrated artist. He has held exhibits of his works already. However, he felt that something is missing. He can't seem to find something that will once again, motivate him and inspire to create. He is good at creating still-life paintings--pictures of different objects that is a representation of a person/people he meets in daily life. There was a painting of stiletto shoe of a woman-with its heel seemed broken--a representation of her mother...a messed-up dinner table, goblets of wine turned over, spilling it's wine contents, unfinished plate of food--a representation of an anniversary celebration gone wrong.
News from his doctor came to him, telling him he is suffering from a certain health problem, that's been causing muscle spasms in the body that makes him numb, sort-of a slow paralysis that can eat his system as time goes by. The dilemma? How is he going to pursue further that one craft he is good at now that his body is taking it away from him? It's bad that he seems unfulfilled already at what he is doing, and the paralysis has just made things worse.
James goes on a hiatus, with the goal of finally making his last piece, before retiring from the craft, before the disorder hit his system full time. He wen to an isolated place somewhere, which has beautiful greeneries, a nice view of the ocean, and other nice sceneries made by nature. Here he meets Emma, a barrio lass with a mission.
Emma rides on a bus going somewhere. Along with her is a baby's rattle or toy. It signifies her longing, for a child she wants to see again. She kisses it and says (as if the toy represents for her child) "isang araw, babalik ako para sayo...pangako yan" (not the exact line from the movie but the same point, anyway)
Emma is brought to the same place, same house where James has gone on an isolation. And here they meet each other. At first, there was a clash of each other's personalities, however, in time, and after sharing each other's stories, they seem to gron fond of each other.
Here you can see the contrast between each other's concerns. James' dilemmas are "art-like", on those things that deal with creating things with meaning, with representation, something on the creative level...the "creative craft". Emma, has disclosed to James about her life--she was a responsible person, and dreams of someday being successful and leave the barrio for something bigger. But things didn't go the way she wants it to be. She got pregnant, and being so, she feels guilty for bringing a child into this world. All because of a woman who made mistakes in her life! She wanted to abort her baby.
However, a kind doctor made Emma look at things in a different perspective. For a time, her baby became her reason for living. Her son became her inspiration and move on with life. But she decided to put the baby into adoption, to the kind doctor, who, for some time, has been having difficulty if having her own child.
This seemed a difficult decision for Emma, but she has to because she wants to give the baby a beautiful future, something that the doctor, along with his doctor-husband can provide.
And the toy-rattle--it was the representation of her baby which she promised to take care, and somday, to goback for him.
Back to James and Emma's adventures. Emma made JAmes look at life in a more positive way. In a conversation, James stressed out, "wala ng point!" But Emma was patient enough to tell her that as long as one lives, everything has a point. With her jolly and simple disposition--of looking at hings in a simple way, appreciating small endeavors that happen in one's life--the happiness of looking at the sea, the sky, the surroundings, and the people you meet along the way, are reason enough to feel life, and feel alive.
"ang dami ko pang gustong gawin, hindi ko pa nagagawa!"
James has finally realized the last painting he wants to draw, however, at the time that he was ready to do it, the paralysis hit him. He has been feeling the spasms and numbness more often, that it has made it difficult for him to draw. This depresses James. But Emma is at her side to help him.
James was about to cut his wrist with a blade (a labatiba, or so, for a barber, or a huge shaving blade, that is), when Emma sees him. "Ito ba ang gusto mong gawin, ito ba? Mas higit ka pa diyan, James" She cries at him.
THe time had come for Emma to leave. Emma tells her not to attempt at suicide ever again. James just smiled. Emma asks if she will still see him, and again, James answers with a silence, and hands her a box. "Andiyan and inspiration ko ha! Itago mo iyang mabuti. Kapag nagkita tayo, puwede mo siyang isauli sa akin!" He tells her.
On the bus, Emma meets an accident, she was rushed into the hospital, and was met by her friend doctor, her husband, with her son, cradled in the doctor's arms...
On the other hand, James is alone at the big house in the isolated place where he was staying. A cruciating spasm hits him, his whole body went numb, suddenly, there was darkness.
The next scene shows James at the hospital, her mother/doctor by her side, telling her. "James, ano bang ginagawa mo, anuman ang problema mo, we can work this out! We can help you!"
James mumbles something and asks, "nasaan si Emma?"
Her mother doctor seemed at a loss. "sinong Emma?"
Mer mother recounted that he was seen by the house's caretaker, drowning in his own blood, a cut on his wrist. He just made a fatal act on himself-a suicide attempt.
It occured to him that it was all just a dream--a dream that made him realize to find meaning in whatever he was doing. There is no need to end his life, and wallow on what he will lose. It's a matter of accepting the fate/destiny laid before him by life, and try to make something out of it. Losing something should not stop us from doing the things we want to achieve. It's about looking for another way, another strategy for us to do it. It's about finding perspective.
James was able to make his last piece, the picture of a woman, Emma, looking behind her back, on her background is the sea with an abandoned lighthouse in the horizon.
James now teaches young kids at painting. At this endeavor, he is able to impart his knowkedge, his skill on his craft, that is considered his life's works-the meaning of his existence-to create art!
The movie reminds me of Mitch Albom's novel, "For One More Day". It as well recounts of how a person's life was saved by a mother who promised her kid to help him in times of trouble. The movie seemed to be an overlapping of time, from a mother who went in her child's dream to fulfill her promise that someday, she will be back to save her child. The dream was a point of communication for both mother and son.
Great filming from Katzki Flores, the director who was able to show art. She presented scenes of objects, which at one point, can make you ask yourself, shot nga ba iyon, o drawing. She was able to bring art in the scene--the picture of a blade in the sink, of the lighthouse in the middle of the sea.
Flores, incorporated Cynthia Alexander's Song in the film, "Comfor in your Strangeness". It has been an effective musical score. Because of the film, the song can now be used as background music, for visual artists/painters who are inspired in doing their craft, with background music. In a way, it helps call out to your muse!
see the film's trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6Mnp3dOToU
Friday, July 27, 2007
war of philosophies
Just recently, me, joey, tere and tin were having a bout of debate. The question, would you rather be a risktaker or stay on the sidelines?
My side:
I would rather be a risktaker. I want to know how things are done, and I want to expereince them myself, so that I'll really know my stand/judgement regarding a certain situation. I don't want to judge a thing/matter based on hearsays from others. Curiosity will itch me to try a thing. Its like, to get a feel if water in a pool is cold, I just don't like to ask, "is it cold?", and when a person says "yes", I won't hesitate not to dip my feet in the said cold water and have a feel of it. Or when you ask if it's too deep for you, then when a person says it is, I won't go out, dive in the water to know if it's really deep.
Would it be stupidity if you jump into the water and have a feel if it's really cold, or if it is deep? I'd say, it's getting to know firsthand if it's really what the person described it to be. I need to try. I just can't go on and believe. I need to have my own stand. What if it's not deep? What If I can do it. We have different capabilities, different opinions, and just mere knowing another person's stand on thing will not convince to accept it the way he/she sees it.
Joey's stand: At the first stance, when people tell me about something and they have described how it is, and it doesn't appeal to me, I would much rather not attempt to do it myself. kasi, sinabi niya nang ganun, susundin ko pa. You've already known the consequences, then why attempt to do it? It is conformity, but atleast you are safe
My stand: We all know life's an adventure, it would be plain boring if you just adhere to what other people say, and accept, without you not knowing what the consequences are. For all we know, that one thing can have an adverse/negative effect, but for you, it's just okay, it seems nothing.
Ok...to explain things in simple matter, can anybody give me concrete examples, please?
My side:
I would rather be a risktaker. I want to know how things are done, and I want to expereince them myself, so that I'll really know my stand/judgement regarding a certain situation. I don't want to judge a thing/matter based on hearsays from others. Curiosity will itch me to try a thing. Its like, to get a feel if water in a pool is cold, I just don't like to ask, "is it cold?", and when a person says "yes", I won't hesitate not to dip my feet in the said cold water and have a feel of it. Or when you ask if it's too deep for you, then when a person says it is, I won't go out, dive in the water to know if it's really deep.
Would it be stupidity if you jump into the water and have a feel if it's really cold, or if it is deep? I'd say, it's getting to know firsthand if it's really what the person described it to be. I need to try. I just can't go on and believe. I need to have my own stand. What if it's not deep? What If I can do it. We have different capabilities, different opinions, and just mere knowing another person's stand on thing will not convince to accept it the way he/she sees it.
Joey's stand: At the first stance, when people tell me about something and they have described how it is, and it doesn't appeal to me, I would much rather not attempt to do it myself. kasi, sinabi niya nang ganun, susundin ko pa. You've already known the consequences, then why attempt to do it? It is conformity, but atleast you are safe
My stand: We all know life's an adventure, it would be plain boring if you just adhere to what other people say, and accept, without you not knowing what the consequences are. For all we know, that one thing can have an adverse/negative effect, but for you, it's just okay, it seems nothing.
Ok...to explain things in simple matter, can anybody give me concrete examples, please?
Thursday, July 26, 2007
just trying
I am not a techie person, i just navigate much on the net that's why I'm able to get around on doing things. Now, don't laugh at me for not knowing how to post pictures on my blog, it's just one of the things that's been bugging me...what the heck i dunno how to post pictures
Luckily, i was able to know how...so here it is...
i captured this one while waiting for a friend to finish reading her mail at the office. This was taken one morning at our office's pantry...shows perspective, it's just basic, but I do have this "growing" interest in photography...
Luckily, i was able to know how...so here it is...
i captured this one while waiting for a friend to finish reading her mail at the office. This was taken one morning at our office's pantry...shows perspective, it's just basic, but I do have this "growing" interest in photography...
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
different strokes, different folks!
warning!...this is not a blog post in essay form!..wala itong kwenta...free writing kang ng isang taong wala na namang magawa!
I love my friends...naiinis ako pag di ko nasusuklian yung comfort/friendship/favor na binibigay nila sa akin!...kahit na short complement lang nila sa akin, I feel na im important pag ganun.
Kanina lang, porket sinabihan lang ako ni girlfriend A* na maganda ang buhok ko, at adviced niya na lagi dapat akong magpa-patreat ng hair, feeling ko, napaka importante ko na...ewan ko,,,basta, kahit na simpleng ganun lang, I feel grateful kasi napapaglaanan ako ng pansin, at ibig sabihin ay, I exist for them...babaw no?, pero basta, ang gaan sa feeling!
Tapos kanina, sabi pa ni girlfriend A, she's grateful kasi i took her advice/pangaral, coming from an ate. PAno ba naman, I was feeling burned out already, to the point that I already wanted to quit my job and search for a new one. My reason is, I feel na walang nangyayari sa kin!,what I'm doing is not exactly the career i want to have, at kahit na mababa ang sahod sa job description na gusto ko, at the very least, i know i will be enjoying.
Girlfriend A told me that she has gone through the same period, as what I'm going through now. Wag daw ako padalos dalos, kasi the job that we have is one na "super okay na" compared to others...San ka ba naman nakakita ng "underworked, overpaid job" that we have....dial-dial lang, tapos ayun na, you get your pay at the end of the month...
Then nakwento ko pa na the reason why Im staying is that I want to save something for myself,before ako magdelve sa career path na gusto ko(gusto kong maging journalist, magsulat, pero getting it started is not that easy, lalo na pag dating sa sweldo), ad to that the fact that I stillowe the university in w/c I graduated frm, some left balance, hindi ko makuha ang diploma ko and t.o.r...so I need to stay in the current job I have, para makaipon agad.
Girlfrend A told me na iyon nga, konting tiis pa, kailangan mo muna mag ipon para makuha mo yung transcript mo...she told me...
Now that I'mfeeling much better na, she felt good kasi, naipabago niya raw yung pagtingin ko sa work namin. At the very least, nagkaroon uli ako ng motivation...
******
nag message sa kin sa friendster si tito barkada*, asking kung kelan kami magj-jamming. Nakakatouch kasi kala ko nung una, biruan lang ang plano naming pag-gitara,,,yun pala totohanan..so yun, mags-skedyul kami ng aming jamming day!
*****
Si Girlfriend B* gustorin magjamming at magbanda...kaya ayun, plano kami kung ano pangalan ng band namin, at nagplano ng pag-aaral ng instrumento para we can perform on our own, nang hindi malakihang banda, yung kaming 2 lang!
*****
Si Girlfrined C*, bratty!...minsan asar ako sa kanya, kasi nga may pagkabratinella, pero ewan ko ba, masaya pa rin shang kaibigan...yung hindi ka entirely maiinins sa kanya...you can get along well with her, naasar sa kanyang pagiging prinsesa, pero hindi mo pa rin maalis yung frinedship niyo...that, I don't know kung bakit nga ba frineds pa rin kme!...siguro, ganun talaga, pag friends, friends!
***
Si Acquaintance 1, madalas lang bumili ng nags sa kin nung christmas, pero ngayun, napaka warm ng pagbati niya sa akin...yung para bang tuwang tuwa sha pag nakikita ako!....ewan ko rin ba! Sabi ni girlfriend D*, pareho daw kami ng features...para kaming mag ate...well, maybe, she's supposed to be the ate I never had...
******
Si Will*, nakakasundo ko talga, pero, bangayan kami mag usap...para kaming Will and Grace,,,siguro kaya kami nagkakasundo kasi pareho kami ng passion...sa craft na guso naming pagalingin ang mga sarili nmn...siguro, pareho kaming frustrated ngayon, pero alam ko unti unti kaming magiging fablous someday!
*****
Si Girlfriend D*, ateng ate, super accomodating...napakabait!...hangang hanga ako sa logic powers niya! Dahil dun, siya ang second na pinagkakatiwalaan ng team pag dating sa work at sa mga process nito. Super jolly din sha, komik ang buhay, parang walang inaalalang problema...
isa pa, mababaw!, nawawala agad ang galit niya sa isang tao, basta pa bigyan mo lng sha ng something na ikakasaya niya, nakakalimutan niya ang galit sayo...
o sha...pagod nako...basta masaya ako sa iba't ibang friends na meron ako...I do appreciate all the things that they have given to me...and I do appreciate them for what they trully are...ewan ko b, pero special sila sa kin...and they're one of my gems that I will always treasure!, naks, a basta salamat!
* names are not given to protect their real identity..
I love my friends...naiinis ako pag di ko nasusuklian yung comfort/friendship/favor na binibigay nila sa akin!...kahit na short complement lang nila sa akin, I feel na im important pag ganun.
Kanina lang, porket sinabihan lang ako ni girlfriend A* na maganda ang buhok ko, at adviced niya na lagi dapat akong magpa-patreat ng hair, feeling ko, napaka importante ko na...ewan ko,,,basta, kahit na simpleng ganun lang, I feel grateful kasi napapaglaanan ako ng pansin, at ibig sabihin ay, I exist for them...babaw no?, pero basta, ang gaan sa feeling!
Tapos kanina, sabi pa ni girlfriend A, she's grateful kasi i took her advice/pangaral, coming from an ate. PAno ba naman, I was feeling burned out already, to the point that I already wanted to quit my job and search for a new one. My reason is, I feel na walang nangyayari sa kin!,what I'm doing is not exactly the career i want to have, at kahit na mababa ang sahod sa job description na gusto ko, at the very least, i know i will be enjoying.
Girlfriend A told me that she has gone through the same period, as what I'm going through now. Wag daw ako padalos dalos, kasi the job that we have is one na "super okay na" compared to others...San ka ba naman nakakita ng "underworked, overpaid job" that we have....dial-dial lang, tapos ayun na, you get your pay at the end of the month...
Then nakwento ko pa na the reason why Im staying is that I want to save something for myself,before ako magdelve sa career path na gusto ko(gusto kong maging journalist, magsulat, pero getting it started is not that easy, lalo na pag dating sa sweldo), ad to that the fact that I stillowe the university in w/c I graduated frm, some left balance, hindi ko makuha ang diploma ko and t.o.r...so I need to stay in the current job I have, para makaipon agad.
Girlfrend A told me na iyon nga, konting tiis pa, kailangan mo muna mag ipon para makuha mo yung transcript mo...she told me...
Now that I'mfeeling much better na, she felt good kasi, naipabago niya raw yung pagtingin ko sa work namin. At the very least, nagkaroon uli ako ng motivation...
******
nag message sa kin sa friendster si tito barkada*, asking kung kelan kami magj-jamming. Nakakatouch kasi kala ko nung una, biruan lang ang plano naming pag-gitara,,,yun pala totohanan..so yun, mags-skedyul kami ng aming jamming day!
*****
Si Girlfriend B* gustorin magjamming at magbanda...kaya ayun, plano kami kung ano pangalan ng band namin, at nagplano ng pag-aaral ng instrumento para we can perform on our own, nang hindi malakihang banda, yung kaming 2 lang!
*****
Si Girlfrined C*, bratty!...minsan asar ako sa kanya, kasi nga may pagkabratinella, pero ewan ko ba, masaya pa rin shang kaibigan...yung hindi ka entirely maiinins sa kanya...you can get along well with her, naasar sa kanyang pagiging prinsesa, pero hindi mo pa rin maalis yung frinedship niyo...that, I don't know kung bakit nga ba frineds pa rin kme!...siguro, ganun talaga, pag friends, friends!
***
Si Acquaintance 1, madalas lang bumili ng nags sa kin nung christmas, pero ngayun, napaka warm ng pagbati niya sa akin...yung para bang tuwang tuwa sha pag nakikita ako!....ewan ko rin ba! Sabi ni girlfriend D*, pareho daw kami ng features...para kaming mag ate...well, maybe, she's supposed to be the ate I never had...
******
Si Will*, nakakasundo ko talga, pero, bangayan kami mag usap...para kaming Will and Grace,,,siguro kaya kami nagkakasundo kasi pareho kami ng passion...sa craft na guso naming pagalingin ang mga sarili nmn...siguro, pareho kaming frustrated ngayon, pero alam ko unti unti kaming magiging fablous someday!
*****
Si Girlfriend D*, ateng ate, super accomodating...napakabait!...hangang hanga ako sa logic powers niya! Dahil dun, siya ang second na pinagkakatiwalaan ng team pag dating sa work at sa mga process nito. Super jolly din sha, komik ang buhay, parang walang inaalalang problema...
isa pa, mababaw!, nawawala agad ang galit niya sa isang tao, basta pa bigyan mo lng sha ng something na ikakasaya niya, nakakalimutan niya ang galit sayo...
o sha...pagod nako...basta masaya ako sa iba't ibang friends na meron ako...I do appreciate all the things that they have given to me...and I do appreciate them for what they trully are...ewan ko b, pero special sila sa kin...and they're one of my gems that I will always treasure!, naks, a basta salamat!
* names are not given to protect their real identity..
Saturday, July 21, 2007
im not against the gay community
I just recently found out that my crush is gay, and that he's (i assume) getting it on with my gay "brother"...darn it.
papatol na lang sha sa kamukha ko pa...at sa lalaki pa.
but, well, it could be more paibful kung pinagpalit niya ko sa girl..mai-insecure pko.
But with what i've found out....
well, it turned me off..
I accidentally told joey....(him, my crush) being gay is an imbalance in the ture order of nature...
then he blurted out: " TEKA, NAKAKALIMUTAN MO YTANG BADING DIN ANG KAUSAP MO!
I wasn't generalizing things...but
ang guwapo guwapo mg crush ko pra maging bading!
i hate him!
papatol na lang sha sa kamukha ko pa...at sa lalaki pa.
but, well, it could be more paibful kung pinagpalit niya ko sa girl..mai-insecure pko.
But with what i've found out....
well, it turned me off..
I accidentally told joey....(him, my crush) being gay is an imbalance in the ture order of nature...
then he blurted out: " TEKA, NAKAKALIMUTAN MO YTANG BADING DIN ANG KAUSAP MO!
I wasn't generalizing things...but
ang guwapo guwapo mg crush ko pra maging bading!
i hate him!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
One Hectic Day
I availed two days of vacation leave. My reason, I was getting burned out already. I felt that I needed time for myself, away from the pressure of working at something I'm not really good at, or something that is not really in my forte. (Honestly, I would not have stayed if not for the good pay I'm getting). I didn't want to wake up just to go to work-dial, collect debts, reason out against delinquent Americans who don't know how to pay for their fnck!ug#@ debts!
It was also a time away from "reklamador" and "tsismosa"officemates, with whom I need to deal with sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos! Now i realize how office gossip and office social relations are one of the issues that can stress you out, kahit sabihin mong hindi ka nagpapaapekto, or eventhough you are not really involved in it. Anyway, elaborating on it more would be part of another blog topic/post.
It was "supposedly" a time for me to think about my other career plans. I really wanted to focus on writing, go back to school (I wasn't a really good student back then, so it's actually one of my frustrations to work well and focus on studying), and have a business.
Unfortunately, I didn't even feel the vacation, and as usual, I still don't have concrete plans on what to do. So I guess, I have to bear with the pressure I have on myself. Konting tiis pa sa call center.
I spent my "supposedly" vacation by going to the office to meet Joey and submit our Mad Dash application, which we seriously wanted to join (after all our too much efforts, I'm really seriously praying that we get picked for the game, Lord help!).
As Ive said before, wala pa kami sa competition, ang dami na agad obstacles. I almost did not make it to meet the doctor who was going to give us our medical certificates. She was only up at the office until 10 am. It was already 9:30, and I was stil out in the street, caught in traffic! I felt Joey's fury in his text mesage as I've read it while on the road: Hoy bruha! asan k n? Hanggang 10am lng and duktor!
Well, I can be like The Flash sometimes, so I made it to the doctor.
***
After that, we still had to have our pictures takenOthe requirements for the contest was a 3r full body photo. because we are a resourceful tag team, and the idea of having a full body shot, studio picture didn't sound appealing to us (and we didn't want to have lots of copies of it), we decided to take pictures ourselves, coming from my really handy cellphone camera. Atleast, we will only be getting the no. of pictures we need.
Just then, I realized that I didn't have my USB connector with me,"so papaano natin ito ipapadevelop?" I asked Joey. (God, another hurdle!, when will this end, gusto lang naman namin sumali sa mad dash, is that bad?)
Of all times, bakit ngayon ko pa nakalimutan ung usb connector, samantalang araw-araw ko yun dala? I asked myself.
Anyway, we got past that, dahil posible palang mag blue tooth galing sa computer. Sorry, but I'm not a techie, and I'm not really updated with technology, so bear with me, and cut the laughter!
We were able to submit the application. Hurrah! What an achievement!
"O ayan ha, pag may aberya pa at hindi pa tinanggap yan, ayoko na talaga!" I freaked out in front of Joey, pulling my hair, at the same time.
Hopefully, wala nang aberya....Thank God.
***
People who know that we are going to join the game were already givng their well wishes. Joey said, "I can feel it. Sign ito, mabubunot tayo. Makakasali tayo!"
Silently, deep in my heart, I was having my doubts. What are the chances of getting picked in a raffle out of the many people, yuppies, and teenagers from the whole Metro Manila who might have joined the game?
Still, I didn't want to crush Joey's excitement...
***
When I went home, My mom and our maid were busy sorting out old things stuck in our bodega that needs to be thrown away. (It's a good thing na wala silang nakitang ahas at tinuklaw sila, or maybe, hindi lang nila nakita...)
My mom asked if I can give them a hand.
Because I'm such a sweet, hardworking, "non-reklamador" daughter, I did help them.
So that's how my day went. I am tired.
I just wish all my efforts will pay off....
It was also a time away from "reklamador" and "tsismosa"officemates, with whom I need to deal with sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos! Now i realize how office gossip and office social relations are one of the issues that can stress you out, kahit sabihin mong hindi ka nagpapaapekto, or eventhough you are not really involved in it. Anyway, elaborating on it more would be part of another blog topic/post.
It was "supposedly" a time for me to think about my other career plans. I really wanted to focus on writing, go back to school (I wasn't a really good student back then, so it's actually one of my frustrations to work well and focus on studying), and have a business.
Unfortunately, I didn't even feel the vacation, and as usual, I still don't have concrete plans on what to do. So I guess, I have to bear with the pressure I have on myself. Konting tiis pa sa call center.
I spent my "supposedly" vacation by going to the office to meet Joey and submit our Mad Dash application, which we seriously wanted to join (after all our too much efforts, I'm really seriously praying that we get picked for the game, Lord help!).
As Ive said before, wala pa kami sa competition, ang dami na agad obstacles. I almost did not make it to meet the doctor who was going to give us our medical certificates. She was only up at the office until 10 am. It was already 9:30, and I was stil out in the street, caught in traffic! I felt Joey's fury in his text mesage as I've read it while on the road: Hoy bruha! asan k n? Hanggang 10am lng and duktor!
Well, I can be like The Flash sometimes, so I made it to the doctor.
***
After that, we still had to have our pictures takenOthe requirements for the contest was a 3r full body photo. because we are a resourceful tag team, and the idea of having a full body shot, studio picture didn't sound appealing to us (and we didn't want to have lots of copies of it), we decided to take pictures ourselves, coming from my really handy cellphone camera. Atleast, we will only be getting the no. of pictures we need.
Just then, I realized that I didn't have my USB connector with me,"so papaano natin ito ipapadevelop?" I asked Joey. (God, another hurdle!, when will this end, gusto lang naman namin sumali sa mad dash, is that bad?)
Of all times, bakit ngayon ko pa nakalimutan ung usb connector, samantalang araw-araw ko yun dala? I asked myself.
Anyway, we got past that, dahil posible palang mag blue tooth galing sa computer. Sorry, but I'm not a techie, and I'm not really updated with technology, so bear with me, and cut the laughter!
We were able to submit the application. Hurrah! What an achievement!
"O ayan ha, pag may aberya pa at hindi pa tinanggap yan, ayoko na talaga!" I freaked out in front of Joey, pulling my hair, at the same time.
Hopefully, wala nang aberya....Thank God.
***
People who know that we are going to join the game were already givng their well wishes. Joey said, "I can feel it. Sign ito, mabubunot tayo. Makakasali tayo!"
Silently, deep in my heart, I was having my doubts. What are the chances of getting picked in a raffle out of the many people, yuppies, and teenagers from the whole Metro Manila who might have joined the game?
Still, I didn't want to crush Joey's excitement...
***
When I went home, My mom and our maid were busy sorting out old things stuck in our bodega that needs to be thrown away. (It's a good thing na wala silang nakitang ahas at tinuklaw sila, or maybe, hindi lang nila nakita...)
My mom asked if I can give them a hand.
Because I'm such a sweet, hardworking, "non-reklamador" daughter, I did help them.
So that's how my day went. I am tired.
I just wish all my efforts will pay off....
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Universe make way!
Paolo Coelho, in his book. "The Alchemist" once said, "when you want to achieve something, the whole universe conspires for you to achieve it."
I say, THE WHOLE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES....
against you,
against all the things you want to do.
It plots hurdles so that you'll have the difficulty of going through
And ditches, so that you'll fall and get stuck in the ground.
You get tired and disheartened
Until you feel weak and decide not to push through the race and say, "I quit. It's over"
THE WHOLE UNIVERSE REQUIRES YOU
to grab your whole strength, your whole efforts, (even if that means fighting fatigue)
before it gives you the sweet apple of success.
As Joey will describe it, the thing that you want is laid in front of you. You marvel at it, excited at the thought of having it, almost within reach of having it, until the Universe grabs it far from you and tells you ops, patikim lang iyan. Uh-uh, not that easy!!!! I'll make it hard for you.
***
"I told you so, tried and tested ko na ito, pag may gusto akong gawin, ang dami-daming balakid before mo makuha iyo!" Joey ranted one afternoon as we were finishing our own cups of Mcflurry, (wading off frustration)after tiringly trudging the street of F. Ortigas Jr. Road, and heading over McDo to submit our fully-accomplished Mad Dash application, another local version of Amazing Race, wherein you have to find the 24 McDo branches in Metro Manila, and in there, meet the tasks you need to win the game.( anyway, needto elaborate more on that some other time)
Anyway, back to my story, we were about to submit the application until...
McDo Manager: Sir, maam, along with the app. form po, you have to submit also a 3R (full-body) photo, proof of identification, particularly a birth cert., and a med cert. to state that you're physically fit for the game....
Me and Joey (with an impending gray cloud, and rant over our own heads): WHAAAAAAAATTT!!!!
Our worlds, once again, crashing down into us.
***
Even before that happen, I have already sensed impending obstacles. As I've said, things aren't all that easy to achieve. We can't get away just like that, na kailangan mo ipasa yung isang bagay, tapos, ok na, kasali ka na. No, no, no, no.
1. "Joey, kailangan ng 1 x 1 picture para ipasa ito. Ako meron na, siguro naman meron ka diyan naitatago sa wallet mo" I told him. Joey fished down over his wallet, "A, meron yata, wait lang." After some moments of waiting for him to find a picture, he said, "ay wala pala."
2. The next day, Joey was able to bring his picture. And so, we happily filled-up the application forms. I told him, "sige, ako na magp-pass niyan tomorrow morning."
As we are on an 8pm-4am shift, I decided to sleep first at the office's sleeping quarters before going to McDo to submit the application, as they still open at 6am.
I was at Mcdo already and ready to hand in the form, until I noticed that we haven't signed at the waiver at the back of it. "Shit, wala pang pirma si Joey" I told myself.
I was on vacation leave the next day, but that means I have to go to office again to meet Joey just to ask him to sign the waiver. Para lang doon, pupunta ako sa office...para sa pirma lang...grrr! The next day's going to be another tiring day of commuting, facing the traffic and all that heat, para lang maipasa ang application.
Grabe, pahirap. Just for that.
3. And on the third day, that mighty demand for those three requirements were asked from us!
Grabe na ito ha! If by tomorrow, and they still ask something from us, like "we need your birth cert. copy", ...I don't have that copy, and it takes a week before it get's processed....and by that time, tapos na ang application...
Or if, (knock on wood that it won't happen) something happens with the application form, like it get's eaten by the dog, or get's lost or something...I'm sorry, but that's the ultimate, ewan ko na lang, grabe na ang pahirap ng universe!
***
"No, Ganito naman talaga parati. Ibig sabihin makukuha tayo. Makakasali tayo sa MAd dash. Lagi tong nangyayari sa akin. Pinahihirapan talaga ako, tapos in the end, makukiuha ko siya." Joey reassured himself, uplifting his spirits, and mine as well.
And thus, the start of our again-never ending conversation on failrues, frustrations and hurdles on the things we wanted to achieve.
***
Joey describes himself as a frustrated artist. He dreams of one day creating a comic book, get it published and amass money (as fruit of obtaining readers that will gorge over his comic book). But, still now, at age 25, he is still not able to do that.
Me, a frustrated writer. Struggling to create better compositions, attempting to string together ideas that will someday be readable, with the description of each words, each action, un-confusing. Still, at age 21, after four years of majoring in Journalism, I'm still at a loss for grouping ideas properly, and creating sound compositions, one that is hindi kalat-kalat ang ideas, at hindi alam kung ano ang unang sasabihin.
***
Joey says, "Life is so unfair! Yung ibang tao, ang dali-dali lang para sa kanila para makuha yung gusto nila, kahit kaunti lang ang effort. Kaunting drawing lang, kaunting talent, ayun, may comic book na! Samantalang yung iba, (katulad ko), ang dami0dami pang kailangan gawin!
I provide him with a statement. "It's because they have the resources, wala silang ibang kailangan pagkaabalahan kundi mag focus dun sa gusto nilang gawin."
But I can't help but to think as well, that for me, there are a lot of distractions. There are a lot of things that I want to achieve, that i don't know what to do first.
I have a cluttered mind, I have cluttered ideas, that I can't seem to organize.
To start my journey to achieve my dreams, I told myself, basta, tuloy-tuloy lang. Try to set a goal everyday, eventhough it's just a menial task, just so I won't feel frustrated or unaccomplished at the end of the day.
One step at a time. WHen you achieve things one at a time, you'll be surprise to find out that you're already at the top.
Patience, my dear, I tell myself.
***
Joey and I started our walk back to our office building, to ask if we can readily obtain a medical certficate, and to have our ID photocopied.
"Basta, ha tomorrow, kailangan natin ng full body picture...basta yun na lang, tapos submit na. !"
It was a tiring day.
I don't know where we are heading at, if we're gonna get picked for the game or not, at the very least, we took every step to join the game.
Yes, we are getting past the fnck!ug#@ hurdles presented to us. It's our challenge against the Universe.
I say, THE WHOLE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES....
against you,
against all the things you want to do.
It plots hurdles so that you'll have the difficulty of going through
And ditches, so that you'll fall and get stuck in the ground.
You get tired and disheartened
Until you feel weak and decide not to push through the race and say, "I quit. It's over"
THE WHOLE UNIVERSE REQUIRES YOU
to grab your whole strength, your whole efforts, (even if that means fighting fatigue)
before it gives you the sweet apple of success.
As Joey will describe it, the thing that you want is laid in front of you. You marvel at it, excited at the thought of having it, almost within reach of having it, until the Universe grabs it far from you and tells you ops, patikim lang iyan. Uh-uh, not that easy!!!! I'll make it hard for you.
***
"I told you so, tried and tested ko na ito, pag may gusto akong gawin, ang dami-daming balakid before mo makuha iyo!" Joey ranted one afternoon as we were finishing our own cups of Mcflurry, (wading off frustration)after tiringly trudging the street of F. Ortigas Jr. Road, and heading over McDo to submit our fully-accomplished Mad Dash application, another local version of Amazing Race, wherein you have to find the 24 McDo branches in Metro Manila, and in there, meet the tasks you need to win the game.( anyway, needto elaborate more on that some other time)
Anyway, back to my story, we were about to submit the application until...
McDo Manager: Sir, maam, along with the app. form po, you have to submit also a 3R (full-body) photo, proof of identification, particularly a birth cert., and a med cert. to state that you're physically fit for the game....
Me and Joey (with an impending gray cloud, and rant over our own heads): WHAAAAAAAATTT!!!!
Our worlds, once again, crashing down into us.
***
Even before that happen, I have already sensed impending obstacles. As I've said, things aren't all that easy to achieve. We can't get away just like that, na kailangan mo ipasa yung isang bagay, tapos, ok na, kasali ka na. No, no, no, no.
1. "Joey, kailangan ng 1 x 1 picture para ipasa ito. Ako meron na, siguro naman meron ka diyan naitatago sa wallet mo" I told him. Joey fished down over his wallet, "A, meron yata, wait lang." After some moments of waiting for him to find a picture, he said, "ay wala pala."
2. The next day, Joey was able to bring his picture. And so, we happily filled-up the application forms. I told him, "sige, ako na magp-pass niyan tomorrow morning."
As we are on an 8pm-4am shift, I decided to sleep first at the office's sleeping quarters before going to McDo to submit the application, as they still open at 6am.
I was at Mcdo already and ready to hand in the form, until I noticed that we haven't signed at the waiver at the back of it. "Shit, wala pang pirma si Joey" I told myself.
I was on vacation leave the next day, but that means I have to go to office again to meet Joey just to ask him to sign the waiver. Para lang doon, pupunta ako sa office...para sa pirma lang...grrr! The next day's going to be another tiring day of commuting, facing the traffic and all that heat, para lang maipasa ang application.
Grabe, pahirap. Just for that.
3. And on the third day, that mighty demand for those three requirements were asked from us!
Grabe na ito ha! If by tomorrow, and they still ask something from us, like "we need your birth cert. copy", ...I don't have that copy, and it takes a week before it get's processed....and by that time, tapos na ang application...
Or if, (knock on wood that it won't happen) something happens with the application form, like it get's eaten by the dog, or get's lost or something...I'm sorry, but that's the ultimate, ewan ko na lang, grabe na ang pahirap ng universe!
***
"No, Ganito naman talaga parati. Ibig sabihin makukuha tayo. Makakasali tayo sa MAd dash. Lagi tong nangyayari sa akin. Pinahihirapan talaga ako, tapos in the end, makukiuha ko siya." Joey reassured himself, uplifting his spirits, and mine as well.
And thus, the start of our again-never ending conversation on failrues, frustrations and hurdles on the things we wanted to achieve.
***
Joey describes himself as a frustrated artist. He dreams of one day creating a comic book, get it published and amass money (as fruit of obtaining readers that will gorge over his comic book). But, still now, at age 25, he is still not able to do that.
Me, a frustrated writer. Struggling to create better compositions, attempting to string together ideas that will someday be readable, with the description of each words, each action, un-confusing. Still, at age 21, after four years of majoring in Journalism, I'm still at a loss for grouping ideas properly, and creating sound compositions, one that is hindi kalat-kalat ang ideas, at hindi alam kung ano ang unang sasabihin.
***
Joey says, "Life is so unfair! Yung ibang tao, ang dali-dali lang para sa kanila para makuha yung gusto nila, kahit kaunti lang ang effort. Kaunting drawing lang, kaunting talent, ayun, may comic book na! Samantalang yung iba, (katulad ko), ang dami0dami pang kailangan gawin!
I provide him with a statement. "It's because they have the resources, wala silang ibang kailangan pagkaabalahan kundi mag focus dun sa gusto nilang gawin."
But I can't help but to think as well, that for me, there are a lot of distractions. There are a lot of things that I want to achieve, that i don't know what to do first.
I have a cluttered mind, I have cluttered ideas, that I can't seem to organize.
To start my journey to achieve my dreams, I told myself, basta, tuloy-tuloy lang. Try to set a goal everyday, eventhough it's just a menial task, just so I won't feel frustrated or unaccomplished at the end of the day.
One step at a time. WHen you achieve things one at a time, you'll be surprise to find out that you're already at the top.
Patience, my dear, I tell myself.
***
Joey and I started our walk back to our office building, to ask if we can readily obtain a medical certficate, and to have our ID photocopied.
"Basta, ha tomorrow, kailangan natin ng full body picture...basta yun na lang, tapos submit na. !"
It was a tiring day.
I don't know where we are heading at, if we're gonna get picked for the game or not, at the very least, we took every step to join the game.
Yes, we are getting past the fnck!ug#@ hurdles presented to us. It's our challenge against the Universe.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
lessons on working and getting motivated
We expect ourselves to become great....but sometimes our expectations fall short - Miranda, Grey's Anatomy
Last night, I was halfway thru watching one episode of Justice. Actually, it was my first time to watch the legal drama. The show is somehow a crossbreed of csi and this certain legal drama i used to watch at ch. 9 back then (of which, the title, i have already forgotten!, and no, it's not Ally Mcbeal).
As one of the movie critics have said, it is a fast paced drama about a team of lawyers getting the job done. It focuses not so much about the case presented at hand, or before the court, it focuses more on the drama of how lawyer try to win a case. It presents the lawyers, not only as a group of intellectual individuals investigating, making queries and presenting evidences but as individuals who have emotions, beset by difficulties such as disappointments and frustrations.
Anyway, the drama last night was about how the young lawyer, Tom tries to win a case of a teenager charged for murdering a man, who at the scene of the crime was seen crucified. Tom believes that the teenager is inncocent, and thus tried to prove this at court.
Tom is an idealist lawyer, and being one, he only defends those persons who believes is innocent. He works hard for the case, his emotions get by his way at times, and this sparks small argumentations and confrontations between the lawyers themselves. Tom seems transparent and sensitive to his emotions (or rather, it is part of the drama that he shows it). He can be seen disappointed, frustrated and even nervous, especially when verdict is already presented.
Ron, the veteran lawyer, seem to act as the consultant, having been to a lot of trials. He advices the group on what to do next, and what to think about the case. Somehow, he seem to be an adviser, especially for Tom who can get emotional about a case he works on. He motivates Tom to move on after a case, and get on with another one. Things can get frustrating, but those are the things that lawyers need to go through, and not to wallow upon.
On the certain episode, Tom wasn't able to win the case, the teenager was proven guilty. In the end, Tom is seen mulling over it, alone at the office building, thinking about how things went, and what he could have done more. Ron comes over and tells him, "the press is looking for you downstairs, you need to face them" Tom feels hesitant, but Ron reminds him: "One lesson you need to know about us laywers, you need to face the press, tell them it's not yet over!"
****
In Grey's Anatomy, the chief of surgery, was about to resign, and thus finding someone to replace his post. Three resident doctors, Dr. Preston, Derek, aspire for the position and each find their own means on how they will be able to tell this to the outcoming chief. Unfortunately, the three approached the doctor all at the same time, each yapping about their own concerns and interests for the position. Dr. Richard Webber, the chief surgeon got irritated about their rush at him and raised his voice: "You know what, I just had a beautiful morning. I happily walked in this building, handed my resignation papers, and is about to buy flowers and visit my wife. It was a beautiful morning, not until you three come yapping at me!"
The three realizing about their overeagerness was caught in a silence.
Miranda, another resident doctor who was going around the hospital gathering signatures for her petition to have a free clinic, appeared. She was surprised to hear about the chief's resignation. When she asked about this to the chief, he immediately told her: "Yes, I'm going to resign. You're one of the potentials for my post, but you were so busy persuading me and everybody else for your free clinic. And for you three, you approaching me like lost kids just showed me your overeagerness..."
The chief surgeon's disappointment can be sensed.
With that, he walked away, again leaving the doctors stunned.
In the end, the three realized the immaturity they have shown for their sudden approach, as well as the ir overeagerness.
Miranda, however, continued for her signature campaign. One sure thing, she knows what she wants, and its not about the highest position, it's still about having her free clinic, one that can minimize the unnecessary surgeries, thus increase the hospital's capability to save lives.
**********
It was true what Miranda said, we do have expectations for ourselves. We wish to do whatever we want to do, achieve the highest achievement that we can achieve. But things are not that easy. In our quest to fulfillment, moreover personal success, obstacles are met, challenges are ever-present. At times, the challenge can be discouraging, as if telling us that since we are met with hurdles, maybe, the things we are trying to have our not meant for us, and it's better to leave it that way; but sometimes, these pose as motivators, pressuring us to do more, be more.
**********
One time, an officemate approached me, asking me why I haven't hit quota for a long time, was I having problems, are the standards unreasonable?
I told her, we all have different capabilities. Maybe for some, reaching the goal can be just a piece of cake, but for some, it can get really tasking. Now, we have our own strategies, and we use whatever ounce of mental strength and persuasive skills we have in order to meet expectations at work, but sometimes, it's just hopeless.
It's not that we are laxed at work, it's just that we don't have that enough power, enough strength to meet the goal. It can be embarassing, but this doesn't mean that we do not apreciate our work. It doesn't meant that we are just there waiting for our salaries every pay day.
We work, we try to be productive, but not on the same level as hitting the quota. For one thing, I am proud that I adhere to rules, and quality at that. I don't cheat, I don't falsify accounts, and I work adhering to the rules imposed on us. I would like to say I have the value of integrity.
I'm not like any other officemates who will do whatever means just to hit quota and having those extra money. One thing, extra money is good, that's why it's called a bonus, but this doesn't mean that you are required to hit that! (of course, you try, because it's a goal, but if you don't hit it, it doesn't mean that you're a useless worker!)...It's in one's prerogative if he/she wants to hit that every month.
But the thing is, you should ALWAYS try to achieve. But, no one should be harsh enough to tell you that you are not doing your job.
***********
It is one life's reality that expectations fall short. But what we can do will be to keep expecting and keep creating standards. If you are not able to meet them, then, it's one part of our experiences, thus we should be more forgiving, and not something to be mulled over about and make us feel too frustrated.
Expectations give us a purpose to keep on doing things. It is a drive that keeps us living and going through whatever situation or project we delve ourselves into. It is just like a journey.
That being said, It's not the destination (success) that keeps us going, it's the journey towards it.
***********
Last night, I was halfway thru watching one episode of Justice. Actually, it was my first time to watch the legal drama. The show is somehow a crossbreed of csi and this certain legal drama i used to watch at ch. 9 back then (of which, the title, i have already forgotten!, and no, it's not Ally Mcbeal).
As one of the movie critics have said, it is a fast paced drama about a team of lawyers getting the job done. It focuses not so much about the case presented at hand, or before the court, it focuses more on the drama of how lawyer try to win a case. It presents the lawyers, not only as a group of intellectual individuals investigating, making queries and presenting evidences but as individuals who have emotions, beset by difficulties such as disappointments and frustrations.
Anyway, the drama last night was about how the young lawyer, Tom tries to win a case of a teenager charged for murdering a man, who at the scene of the crime was seen crucified. Tom believes that the teenager is inncocent, and thus tried to prove this at court.
Tom is an idealist lawyer, and being one, he only defends those persons who believes is innocent. He works hard for the case, his emotions get by his way at times, and this sparks small argumentations and confrontations between the lawyers themselves. Tom seems transparent and sensitive to his emotions (or rather, it is part of the drama that he shows it). He can be seen disappointed, frustrated and even nervous, especially when verdict is already presented.
Ron, the veteran lawyer, seem to act as the consultant, having been to a lot of trials. He advices the group on what to do next, and what to think about the case. Somehow, he seem to be an adviser, especially for Tom who can get emotional about a case he works on. He motivates Tom to move on after a case, and get on with another one. Things can get frustrating, but those are the things that lawyers need to go through, and not to wallow upon.
On the certain episode, Tom wasn't able to win the case, the teenager was proven guilty. In the end, Tom is seen mulling over it, alone at the office building, thinking about how things went, and what he could have done more. Ron comes over and tells him, "the press is looking for you downstairs, you need to face them" Tom feels hesitant, but Ron reminds him: "One lesson you need to know about us laywers, you need to face the press, tell them it's not yet over!"
****
In Grey's Anatomy, the chief of surgery, was about to resign, and thus finding someone to replace his post. Three resident doctors, Dr. Preston, Derek, aspire for the position and each find their own means on how they will be able to tell this to the outcoming chief. Unfortunately, the three approached the doctor all at the same time, each yapping about their own concerns and interests for the position. Dr. Richard Webber, the chief surgeon got irritated about their rush at him and raised his voice: "You know what, I just had a beautiful morning. I happily walked in this building, handed my resignation papers, and is about to buy flowers and visit my wife. It was a beautiful morning, not until you three come yapping at me!"
The three realizing about their overeagerness was caught in a silence.
Miranda, another resident doctor who was going around the hospital gathering signatures for her petition to have a free clinic, appeared. She was surprised to hear about the chief's resignation. When she asked about this to the chief, he immediately told her: "Yes, I'm going to resign. You're one of the potentials for my post, but you were so busy persuading me and everybody else for your free clinic. And for you three, you approaching me like lost kids just showed me your overeagerness..."
The chief surgeon's disappointment can be sensed.
With that, he walked away, again leaving the doctors stunned.
In the end, the three realized the immaturity they have shown for their sudden approach, as well as the ir overeagerness.
Miranda, however, continued for her signature campaign. One sure thing, she knows what she wants, and its not about the highest position, it's still about having her free clinic, one that can minimize the unnecessary surgeries, thus increase the hospital's capability to save lives.
**********
It was true what Miranda said, we do have expectations for ourselves. We wish to do whatever we want to do, achieve the highest achievement that we can achieve. But things are not that easy. In our quest to fulfillment, moreover personal success, obstacles are met, challenges are ever-present. At times, the challenge can be discouraging, as if telling us that since we are met with hurdles, maybe, the things we are trying to have our not meant for us, and it's better to leave it that way; but sometimes, these pose as motivators, pressuring us to do more, be more.
**********
One time, an officemate approached me, asking me why I haven't hit quota for a long time, was I having problems, are the standards unreasonable?
I told her, we all have different capabilities. Maybe for some, reaching the goal can be just a piece of cake, but for some, it can get really tasking. Now, we have our own strategies, and we use whatever ounce of mental strength and persuasive skills we have in order to meet expectations at work, but sometimes, it's just hopeless.
It's not that we are laxed at work, it's just that we don't have that enough power, enough strength to meet the goal. It can be embarassing, but this doesn't mean that we do not apreciate our work. It doesn't meant that we are just there waiting for our salaries every pay day.
We work, we try to be productive, but not on the same level as hitting the quota. For one thing, I am proud that I adhere to rules, and quality at that. I don't cheat, I don't falsify accounts, and I work adhering to the rules imposed on us. I would like to say I have the value of integrity.
I'm not like any other officemates who will do whatever means just to hit quota and having those extra money. One thing, extra money is good, that's why it's called a bonus, but this doesn't mean that you are required to hit that! (of course, you try, because it's a goal, but if you don't hit it, it doesn't mean that you're a useless worker!)...It's in one's prerogative if he/she wants to hit that every month.
But the thing is, you should ALWAYS try to achieve. But, no one should be harsh enough to tell you that you are not doing your job.
***********
It is one life's reality that expectations fall short. But what we can do will be to keep expecting and keep creating standards. If you are not able to meet them, then, it's one part of our experiences, thus we should be more forgiving, and not something to be mulled over about and make us feel too frustrated.
Expectations give us a purpose to keep on doing things. It is a drive that keeps us living and going through whatever situation or project we delve ourselves into. It is just like a journey.
That being said, It's not the destination (success) that keeps us going, it's the journey towards it.
***********
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Homecoming
Alas onse ng umaga. Nakatayo sa tapat ng pintuan ng arts studio si Jeremy. Tahimik na humihithit ng sigarilyo, nagmamasid masid at nakatingin sa malayo. “Pare, pag dumating si Sheena, sabihin mo wala ako ha, absent at hindi niyo alam kung nasaan” paalala niya sa ka-opisinang si Bobby na kasalukuyang nirerepaso ang sketch na kaninang madaling araw pa niya ginagawa.
Napatingin sa kanya si Bobby. “Nagbago yata ang ihip ng hangin at iniiwasan mo siya ngayon! Pare, kung ayaw mo na sa kanya, call it quits, hindi yung ganyang nagtatago ka!” Pangaral nito sa kanya.
Nanahimik sandali si Jeremy. Mangha sa mga huling salitang binitawan ni Bobby.
Si Bobby na kilalang lapitin ng mga kolehiyala sa kanilang lugar. Astigin itong pumorma, long-haired, tumutugtog ng gitara para sa isang banda, gumagawa ng mga kanta at tula para sa mga babaeing nakikilala. Isa rin itong 2d animation artist na kamakailan lamang ay nabuntis ang siyotang nursing student na nakatira malapit sa kanilang opisina.
Naiisip pa rin ni Jeremy si Sheena. Nakilala niya ito sa isang jamming session sa banda ni Bobby kung saan siya ay naimbitahan, isang gabi nang wala siyang magawa at kakatapos lamang ng project na ginawa nila para sa isang kliyente.
Naimbitahan lang din noon si Sheena para kumanta sa banda nila Bobby. Piyesta kasi noon sa kanilang lugar, nangangailangan nila Bobby ng bokalista dahil last minute na nag back-out ang orihinal na bokalista nito.
Kabado din noon si Sheena. Unang beses niyang kakanta sa isang banda, kung kaya’t hindi mapigilan na ang daming sablay at paulit ulit ang praktis nila noon sa jamming studio. Nakikita sa mga mata niya ang pagkahiya at panghihina. Nanlalamig ang kanyang mga kamay, at kapag sisimulan na ang kantahan ay parang nawawala at nakakain ng ugong ng gitara at drums ang kanyang boses. Parang hindi ko yata kaya ito ha! Pansin niya sa sarili.
“Sandali lang ha, hihinga muna ako, nanginginig pa kasi talaga ang boses ko e, pasensiya na!” paumanhin nito sa banda.
“Ayos lang yan, wag kang kabahan. Full band naman tayo e, lakasan mo lang ang boses mo!“ pangaral ng isa nitong kabanda. “Wala na tayong oras, last na ito, sige na kaya mo yan!“
Nakaupo lang sa isang ampli sa sulok ng studio si Jeremy, habang pasimpleng kumakanta at nakikisunod sa tugtugan ng nage-ensayong banda. Naiiyak na ang bokalista, pansin nito. At ilang minuto pa ay tuluyan nang mawawalan ng hininga at kakainin ng takot sa harap ng dalawang gitarista at drummer na kinukuyog siyang tapusin ang last round ng praktis.
“Uy pare, papatayin niyo ba bokalista niyo? Magpahinga nga muna kayo, di naman maton yang kasama niyo no!“ paliwanag nito sa grupo nila Bobby.
Nagpahinga ng ilang minuto ang grupo. Nagsilabasan muna ng studio ang miyembro ng banda para magyosi at para magpahinga ng kaunti. Naiwan sa loob ng studio si Sheena na mukhang buringot at nagbubuntung hininga. Nilapitan siya ni Jeremy nang nakangiti at nagsabi, “Uy, pasensiya ka na sa mga iyon ha! Ganyan lang talaga yan pag nagp-praktis, gusto nila walang pahingahan. Kaya nga siguro mas ginusto na lang sumali sa sagala at hindi sa kantahan yung una nilang bokalista, pahirapan kasi kung magtugtugan yung mga kumag na iyon e!” kuwento nito sa babae.
Sabay inom naman ng tubig si Sheena habang nagkukuwento ang lalaki.
“Ayos lang! Nahihiya nga ako sa kanila e. Napapatagal lang ang praktis nila dahil sa kin! Gusto ko rin nama toh e, inuunahan lang ako ng kaba! Alam mo na, ngayon lang kasi ako kakanta sa banda ” kuwento nito kay Jeremy.
Doon nga nagsimula ang pagkakaibigan ng dalawa at matapos noon ay madalas na silang magkausap at magkita Madali rin silang nagkasundo dahil mahilig mag-asaran at magpatawa sa isa’t isa.
Madaling pumuna at gawing katatawanan ni Jeremy ang mga bagay-bagay sa paligid. Bungis-ngisinin naman si Sheena at madaling mapatawa. Kahit na anong biro o pang-aasar sa kanya ni Jeremy ay ngingiti lamang ito, ngunit maya maya pa ay makikipagsabayan na rin sa mga hirit ng lalaki.
Madalas tawaging “sunog na otap” si Sheena dahil noong araw na tutugtog na ang banda sa piyesta ay kumakain ito at nag-aalok pa ng otap, “sunog” dahil madalas ding tuksuhin ni Jeremy ito sa kanyang kulay morenang balat.
Tutuksuhin siya pabalik ni Sheena. “Akala mo kung sino manglait. Di naman ka-gwapuhan at medyo may katabaan pa. Parang si Mojacko na binasa !” Pansin nito kay Jeremy na kung mapapansin nga ay may pagkalapad ng kaunti ang katawan, at kabilugan ang mukha, pansin ang matambok nitong pisngi.
Lumipas ang mga buwan at napansin ng dalawa na nahuhulog na pala ang loob nila sa isa’t isa. Naging magnobyo at madalas magkasama, sa pamamasyal man, sa paglabas kasama ng mga kaibigan o sa pagpapalipas ng sariling pribadong oras.
Masaya sila sa piling ng isa’t isa. Parang heaven, kung baga. Parang walang problemang magpapahiwalay sa kanila. Kadalasan may problema ang babae ukol sa kanyang pamilya dahil gusto nitong matapos ang pag-aaral ng dalaga at maging sobrang galing sa klase. Mamanahin niya kasi balang araw ang negosyo ng mga magulang.
Ang lalaki naman ay may pagkamoody. Minsan mapang-asar at makuwela, ngunit minsan ay dumarating ang mga araw na seryoso ito at hindi na lang nagsasalita. Madalas siyang inaalipunta ng inis, lalo na sa mga araw na hindi niya masimulang gawin ang isang sketch o drawing na kailangan sa trabaho.
Sa mga ganitong panahon ay alam ng bawat isa kung kailan dapat lumayo at magbigay ng sariling pribadong panahon. Pagbibigay ng distansya para mag-isip ng mga pansariling gawain, at hindi nangungulit o humihingi ng oras. Marunong magbigayan, ika nga.
Handa nang ipakilala ni Sheena si Jeremy sa mga magulang bilang isang nobyo. Paanong hindi, tiwala siya kay Jeremy, masaya siya at sa tingin niya ay aalagaan siya nito.
Sa kasamaang palad, hindi sang-ayon ang pamilya kay Jeremy. Isang hamak na
“artist” na nagtatrabaho sa isang maliit na arts studio sa loob ng kanilang subdibisyon. Isang “artist ” na maraming mood swings, at di alam kung ano ang susunod na proyekto o kung meron mang susunod pa rito.
Nabubuhay lamang siya sa mga katha at sketches na pinagagawa sa kanya ng iba’t ibang kliyente.
Mapapakain ka nga ba ng mga larawan ?
Lumipas ang ilang buwan at hindi nagpakita ang dalaga kay Jeremy. Marahil, panahon ito ng pag-iisip kung kailangan ba niyang ipagpatuloy ang pagmamahal sa dalaga. Matagal-tagal ring hindi bumibisita si Sheena sa studio. Malamang na-brain wash na nga ito ng mga magulang, at napaisip na marahil dala lang ang lahata ng bugso damdamin. Reality check, mga bata pa sila at marahil, may iba pang pagmamahal na darating, mas maayos, mas karapat-dapat.
Ano rin nga naman ang mapapala niya sa isang artist ?
Ngunit sa loob-loob rin ng binata, ni hindi man lang siya naipagtanggol ng dalaga. Matino naman ang ginagawa ko, nabubuhay naman ako sa talentong mayroon ako, bakit ko ito ikakahiya ?
Huling balitang narinig niya tungkol kay Sheena ay aalis na ito patungong Australia, kung saan balak niyang ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral ng kursong business management. Balak na ring manirahan ng pamilya doon.
Isa lamang akong artist. Kaya ko lamang magpasaya ng tao dahil sa mga imahe at malikhaing katha na nagagawa ko. Nakaguguhit ako ng magagandang mukha, lugar at paraiso, ngunit hindi ko ito maibibigay sa kanila. Makaguguhit ako ng nakakaaliw na imahe, ngunit hindi ng pangarap. Hindi makukuntento ng guhit ko ang mga naisin nila sa buhay.
At ang pag-ibig ay tulad ng pagguhit ng larawan. Ang isang larawan, magandang tingnan, nakakaaliw sa paningin ; ang pag-ibig nakakamangha at masarap sa pakiramdam. Ang larawan kapag nasira, nadumihan at di na maibalik sa dating ganda, hindi na kagigiliwan ng tao, gayundin ang pag-ibig kapag nahaluan ng gulo, kalungkutan at komplikasyon, nagiging mahirap.
Ngunit ang larawan may pagkakataon pang ulitin at iguhit muli ng artist. Ngunit may pagkakataon kung saan ang pangalawang gawa ay hindi na kasingganda at kasing pulido ng naunang larawan.Llalo na kung ang orihinal na gawa ay dala pa ng aktibo at sariwang imahinasyon…dala ng isang musa na minsan lamang kung dumating. ...mahirap nang muling ulitin, mahirap na uling gawin. Wala na ang inspirasyon
Ganoon din ang pag-ibig. Puwedeng simulan muli. Puwedeng bigyan ng pangalawang pagkakataon. Ngunit, paano kung wala na ang unang mahika na dala ng unang pag-iibigan? Nagkakaroon ng kawalang tiwala, ng pag-iisip kung tama bang ibalik ang pag-ibig. Naipagpapatuloy nga ba ito dahil sa pagmamahal o sa pangngailangan na lang ng karamay, o di kaya’y pagkasanay sa taong pinag-alayan ng pag-ibig, panahon at oras?
Itinapon ni Jeremy ang nalalabi sa kanyang yosi. Lumapit siya sa kanyang art desk at tinitigan ang sketch na kanya pang ginawa mula kagabi habang hinihintay niyang matapos ang sketch na ginagawa ni Bobby para sa tinarapos na comics.
Ilang sandali pa, narinig niyang nagtatakbo patungo sa loob ng studio si Bobby, mukha itong nagmamadali at balisa. Nilingon siya ni Jeremy mula sa kanyang art desk.
“Je, si Sheena paparating !..Nakasalubong ko siya sa daan kanina at hinanahanap ka !” sumbong ng kaibigan.
Dali-daling naghanap ng taguan si Jeremy. Sa kanyang pagkatuliro ay nabangga niya ang lalagyang bote ng tinta ng felt-tip pen at pati na ng lalagyan ng mga lapis. Nahulog ito sa sketch na kanina lamang niya tinapos at ngayo’y nakatimbre sa art desk ni Jeremy. Nabasa ito ng tinta at nadumihan. Sketch ito ni Sheena, hawak ang isang gitara habang nakatingin sa malayo, malungkot ang mga mata at ang buhok nitong mahaba animong iniihipan ng malakas na hangin at mariing tumatama sa kanyang mukha.
Napatigil sumandali si Jeremy at napatitig sa nasirang larawan. Ngunit hindi rin nagtagal ay nagmadali itong muli at nagmadaling kumaripas sa likod na pintuan ng arts studio. Mula rin sa bintana, nakikita niya ang paparating na pigura ni Sheena na papalapit na sa pinto.
Pagdating ni Jeremy sa likod na pintuan ay napansin niyang naka-lock pala ito. Bumalik siya sa harap ng studio at naisip na lamang magtago sa palikuran.
Walang silbi rin ang planong pagtatago ni Jeremy dahil pagbalik nito ay tumambad na mula sa kanyang harapan ang malungkot na mukha ni Sheena.
Ang mga mata nitong malungkot, at mugto sa luha na animoy galing sa isang buong gabi ng pag-iyak. Nagkaharap ang dalawa at nagkatitigan. Sa ilang saglit, walang nasabi ang bawat isa. Parang isang eksena mula sa pelikula.
Ilang saglit lang ay nagising mula sa pagkatitig si Jeremy. Nagbigay ng isang malungkot na ngiti at dumeretso papaalis ng arts studio. Naiwan ang isang malungkot na Sheena. Tuloy-tuloy siya sa kanyang paglabas at di na muling lumingon. Plano na niyang huwag nang magpakitang muli.#
Alas onse ng umaga. Nakatayo sa tapat ng pintuan ng arts studio si Jeremy. Tahimik na humihithit ng sigarilyo, nagmamasid masid at nakatingin sa malayo. “Pare, pag dumating si Sheena, sabihin mo wala ako ha, absent at hindi niyo alam kung nasaan” paalala niya sa ka-opisinang si Bobby na kasalukuyang nirerepaso ang sketch na kaninang madaling araw pa niya ginagawa.
Napatingin sa kanya si Bobby. “Nagbago yata ang ihip ng hangin at iniiwasan mo siya ngayon! Pare, kung ayaw mo na sa kanya, call it quits, hindi yung ganyang nagtatago ka!” Pangaral nito sa kanya.
Nanahimik sandali si Jeremy. Mangha sa mga huling salitang binitawan ni Bobby.
Si Bobby na kilalang lapitin ng mga kolehiyala sa kanilang lugar. Astigin itong pumorma, long-haired, tumutugtog ng gitara para sa isang banda, gumagawa ng mga kanta at tula para sa mga babaeing nakikilala. Isa rin itong 2d animation artist na kamakailan lamang ay nabuntis ang siyotang nursing student na nakatira malapit sa kanilang opisina.
Naiisip pa rin ni Jeremy si Sheena. Nakilala niya ito sa isang jamming session sa banda ni Bobby kung saan siya ay naimbitahan, isang gabi nang wala siyang magawa at kakatapos lamang ng project na ginawa nila para sa isang kliyente.
Naimbitahan lang din noon si Sheena para kumanta sa banda nila Bobby. Piyesta kasi noon sa kanilang lugar, nangangailangan nila Bobby ng bokalista dahil last minute na nag back-out ang orihinal na bokalista nito.
Kabado din noon si Sheena. Unang beses niyang kakanta sa isang banda, kung kaya’t hindi mapigilan na ang daming sablay at paulit ulit ang praktis nila noon sa jamming studio. Nakikita sa mga mata niya ang pagkahiya at panghihina. Nanlalamig ang kanyang mga kamay, at kapag sisimulan na ang kantahan ay parang nawawala at nakakain ng ugong ng gitara at drums ang kanyang boses. Parang hindi ko yata kaya ito ha! Pansin niya sa sarili.
“Sandali lang ha, hihinga muna ako, nanginginig pa kasi talaga ang boses ko e, pasensiya na!” paumanhin nito sa banda.
“Ayos lang yan, wag kang kabahan. Full band naman tayo e, lakasan mo lang ang boses mo!“ pangaral ng isa nitong kabanda. “Wala na tayong oras, last na ito, sige na kaya mo yan!“
Nakaupo lang sa isang ampli sa sulok ng studio si Jeremy, habang pasimpleng kumakanta at nakikisunod sa tugtugan ng nage-ensayong banda. Naiiyak na ang bokalista, pansin nito. At ilang minuto pa ay tuluyan nang mawawalan ng hininga at kakainin ng takot sa harap ng dalawang gitarista at drummer na kinukuyog siyang tapusin ang last round ng praktis.
“Uy pare, papatayin niyo ba bokalista niyo? Magpahinga nga muna kayo, di naman maton yang kasama niyo no!“ paliwanag nito sa grupo nila Bobby.
Nagpahinga ng ilang minuto ang grupo. Nagsilabasan muna ng studio ang miyembro ng banda para magyosi at para magpahinga ng kaunti. Naiwan sa loob ng studio si Sheena na mukhang buringot at nagbubuntung hininga. Nilapitan siya ni Jeremy nang nakangiti at nagsabi, “Uy, pasensiya ka na sa mga iyon ha! Ganyan lang talaga yan pag nagp-praktis, gusto nila walang pahingahan. Kaya nga siguro mas ginusto na lang sumali sa sagala at hindi sa kantahan yung una nilang bokalista, pahirapan kasi kung magtugtugan yung mga kumag na iyon e!” kuwento nito sa babae.
Sabay inom naman ng tubig si Sheena habang nagkukuwento ang lalaki.
“Ayos lang! Nahihiya nga ako sa kanila e. Napapatagal lang ang praktis nila dahil sa kin! Gusto ko rin nama toh e, inuunahan lang ako ng kaba! Alam mo na, ngayon lang kasi ako kakanta sa banda ” kuwento nito kay Jeremy.
Doon nga nagsimula ang pagkakaibigan ng dalawa at matapos noon ay madalas na silang magkausap at magkita Madali rin silang nagkasundo dahil mahilig mag-asaran at magpatawa sa isa’t isa.
Madaling pumuna at gawing katatawanan ni Jeremy ang mga bagay-bagay sa paligid. Bungis-ngisinin naman si Sheena at madaling mapatawa. Kahit na anong biro o pang-aasar sa kanya ni Jeremy ay ngingiti lamang ito, ngunit maya maya pa ay makikipagsabayan na rin sa mga hirit ng lalaki.
Madalas tawaging “sunog na otap” si Sheena dahil noong araw na tutugtog na ang banda sa piyesta ay kumakain ito at nag-aalok pa ng otap, “sunog” dahil madalas ding tuksuhin ni Jeremy ito sa kanyang kulay morenang balat.
Tutuksuhin siya pabalik ni Sheena. “Akala mo kung sino manglait. Di naman ka-gwapuhan at medyo may katabaan pa. Parang si Mojacko na binasa !” Pansin nito kay Jeremy na kung mapapansin nga ay may pagkalapad ng kaunti ang katawan, at kabilugan ang mukha, pansin ang matambok nitong pisngi.
Lumipas ang mga buwan at napansin ng dalawa na nahuhulog na pala ang loob nila sa isa’t isa. Naging magnobyo at madalas magkasama, sa pamamasyal man, sa paglabas kasama ng mga kaibigan o sa pagpapalipas ng sariling pribadong oras.
Masaya sila sa piling ng isa’t isa. Parang heaven, kung baga. Parang walang problemang magpapahiwalay sa kanila. Kadalasan may problema ang babae ukol sa kanyang pamilya dahil gusto nitong matapos ang pag-aaral ng dalaga at maging sobrang galing sa klase. Mamanahin niya kasi balang araw ang negosyo ng mga magulang.
Ang lalaki naman ay may pagkamoody. Minsan mapang-asar at makuwela, ngunit minsan ay dumarating ang mga araw na seryoso ito at hindi na lang nagsasalita. Madalas siyang inaalipunta ng inis, lalo na sa mga araw na hindi niya masimulang gawin ang isang sketch o drawing na kailangan sa trabaho.
Sa mga ganitong panahon ay alam ng bawat isa kung kailan dapat lumayo at magbigay ng sariling pribadong panahon. Pagbibigay ng distansya para mag-isip ng mga pansariling gawain, at hindi nangungulit o humihingi ng oras. Marunong magbigayan, ika nga.
Handa nang ipakilala ni Sheena si Jeremy sa mga magulang bilang isang nobyo. Paanong hindi, tiwala siya kay Jeremy, masaya siya at sa tingin niya ay aalagaan siya nito.
Sa kasamaang palad, hindi sang-ayon ang pamilya kay Jeremy. Isang hamak na
“artist” na nagtatrabaho sa isang maliit na arts studio sa loob ng kanilang subdibisyon. Isang “artist ” na maraming mood swings, at di alam kung ano ang susunod na proyekto o kung meron mang susunod pa rito.
Nabubuhay lamang siya sa mga katha at sketches na pinagagawa sa kanya ng iba’t ibang kliyente.
Mapapakain ka nga ba ng mga larawan ?
Lumipas ang ilang buwan at hindi nagpakita ang dalaga kay Jeremy. Marahil, panahon ito ng pag-iisip kung kailangan ba niyang ipagpatuloy ang pagmamahal sa dalaga. Matagal-tagal ring hindi bumibisita si Sheena sa studio. Malamang na-brain wash na nga ito ng mga magulang, at napaisip na marahil dala lang ang lahata ng bugso damdamin. Reality check, mga bata pa sila at marahil, may iba pang pagmamahal na darating, mas maayos, mas karapat-dapat.
Ano rin nga naman ang mapapala niya sa isang artist ?
Ngunit sa loob-loob rin ng binata, ni hindi man lang siya naipagtanggol ng dalaga. Matino naman ang ginagawa ko, nabubuhay naman ako sa talentong mayroon ako, bakit ko ito ikakahiya ?
Huling balitang narinig niya tungkol kay Sheena ay aalis na ito patungong Australia, kung saan balak niyang ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral ng kursong business management. Balak na ring manirahan ng pamilya doon.
Isa lamang akong artist. Kaya ko lamang magpasaya ng tao dahil sa mga imahe at malikhaing katha na nagagawa ko. Nakaguguhit ako ng magagandang mukha, lugar at paraiso, ngunit hindi ko ito maibibigay sa kanila. Makaguguhit ako ng nakakaaliw na imahe, ngunit hindi ng pangarap. Hindi makukuntento ng guhit ko ang mga naisin nila sa buhay.
At ang pag-ibig ay tulad ng pagguhit ng larawan. Ang isang larawan, magandang tingnan, nakakaaliw sa paningin ; ang pag-ibig nakakamangha at masarap sa pakiramdam. Ang larawan kapag nasira, nadumihan at di na maibalik sa dating ganda, hindi na kagigiliwan ng tao, gayundin ang pag-ibig kapag nahaluan ng gulo, kalungkutan at komplikasyon, nagiging mahirap.
Ngunit ang larawan may pagkakataon pang ulitin at iguhit muli ng artist. Ngunit may pagkakataon kung saan ang pangalawang gawa ay hindi na kasingganda at kasing pulido ng naunang larawan.Llalo na kung ang orihinal na gawa ay dala pa ng aktibo at sariwang imahinasyon…dala ng isang musa na minsan lamang kung dumating. ...mahirap nang muling ulitin, mahirap na uling gawin. Wala na ang inspirasyon
Ganoon din ang pag-ibig. Puwedeng simulan muli. Puwedeng bigyan ng pangalawang pagkakataon. Ngunit, paano kung wala na ang unang mahika na dala ng unang pag-iibigan? Nagkakaroon ng kawalang tiwala, ng pag-iisip kung tama bang ibalik ang pag-ibig. Naipagpapatuloy nga ba ito dahil sa pagmamahal o sa pangngailangan na lang ng karamay, o di kaya’y pagkasanay sa taong pinag-alayan ng pag-ibig, panahon at oras?
Itinapon ni Jeremy ang nalalabi sa kanyang yosi. Lumapit siya sa kanyang art desk at tinitigan ang sketch na kanya pang ginawa mula kagabi habang hinihintay niyang matapos ang sketch na ginagawa ni Bobby para sa tinarapos na comics.
Ilang sandali pa, narinig niyang nagtatakbo patungo sa loob ng studio si Bobby, mukha itong nagmamadali at balisa. Nilingon siya ni Jeremy mula sa kanyang art desk.
“Je, si Sheena paparating !..Nakasalubong ko siya sa daan kanina at hinanahanap ka !” sumbong ng kaibigan.
Dali-daling naghanap ng taguan si Jeremy. Sa kanyang pagkatuliro ay nabangga niya ang lalagyang bote ng tinta ng felt-tip pen at pati na ng lalagyan ng mga lapis. Nahulog ito sa sketch na kanina lamang niya tinapos at ngayo’y nakatimbre sa art desk ni Jeremy. Nabasa ito ng tinta at nadumihan. Sketch ito ni Sheena, hawak ang isang gitara habang nakatingin sa malayo, malungkot ang mga mata at ang buhok nitong mahaba animong iniihipan ng malakas na hangin at mariing tumatama sa kanyang mukha.
Napatigil sumandali si Jeremy at napatitig sa nasirang larawan. Ngunit hindi rin nagtagal ay nagmadali itong muli at nagmadaling kumaripas sa likod na pintuan ng arts studio. Mula rin sa bintana, nakikita niya ang paparating na pigura ni Sheena na papalapit na sa pinto.
Pagdating ni Jeremy sa likod na pintuan ay napansin niyang naka-lock pala ito. Bumalik siya sa harap ng studio at naisip na lamang magtago sa palikuran.
Walang silbi rin ang planong pagtatago ni Jeremy dahil pagbalik nito ay tumambad na mula sa kanyang harapan ang malungkot na mukha ni Sheena.
Ang mga mata nitong malungkot, at mugto sa luha na animoy galing sa isang buong gabi ng pag-iyak. Nagkaharap ang dalawa at nagkatitigan. Sa ilang saglit, walang nasabi ang bawat isa. Parang isang eksena mula sa pelikula.
Ilang saglit lang ay nagising mula sa pagkatitig si Jeremy. Nagbigay ng isang malungkot na ngiti at dumeretso papaalis ng arts studio. Naiwan ang isang malungkot na Sheena. Tuloy-tuloy siya sa kanyang paglabas at di na muling lumingon. Plano na niyang huwag nang magpakitang muli.#
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