darkness

The sun sets.
And we both sit here.
Waiting.

We wait for the darkness
to set in
and fill us.

A darkness
We cannot comprehend.
We cannot grasp.

We let this darkness
Embrace us.
Unfold before us.

Like any other day
We used to have...

I took this photo during my vacation in Bicol, early this year...

stumbled upon...

guess what, I was mindlessly clicking on some news on yahoo, when I stumbled upon a picture of Charlize theron, with her hubby Stuart Townsend....


siyyeeeettt...pagmamahal..

I so love him. Have watched him for the first time as the vampire lezstat on Queen of the damned...

grabeh na itooo...sigh

Just a tidbit...

He was supposed to play the part as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings, but was replaced by Viggo Mortensen. Those who work on the casting say he's too young for the role

haaay..if Townsend was cast even for another role in the movie, I would have loved it...I would have been a fan...


He has an up and coming film, which will be released this September. He directed the movie as well...

Galing!, Astig!:-)

Transparency

Not so long ago, a friend told me that I am a transparent person. This means that my gesture, or expression is immediately shown in my reactions. I cannot hide my feelings. If I feel elated, expect me to become really happy to the point of...smiling most of the time. The aura of happiness is immediately seen. Or if I feel sad, gloomy or negative, expect a dark cloud over my head. You can see from my face that gloomy expression, you can see that a lot of things has been bothering me.

In a way, this attitude has its upsides and downsides. For one, transparency presents genuiness, no matter how good or bad one's expression is. People appreciate true reaction at the onset. On the other hand, transparency, on the part of the person who has this attitude can try very hard for others not to see this expression. They may want to try to hide it, to prevent over reaction. However, at times a transparent person wants to hide the expression, what comes out is a blank, stoic expression. You end up being poker-faced.

In the end, the more one tries to hide the transparency, all the more is it shown.

Thank you, thank you!!!!

When you are at a surge of emotions, and if you have been feeling down for some time,, little complements can flatter you to a point wherein you will ask yourself, "totoo kaya yung sinasabi niya, or she's just saying that to make me feel good?"

But then, simple complements are something to thank for. At one perspective complements make you feel good. It gives you a certain motivation, helping you to think clearer, and help you feel much better, more trustful in yourself, if not purely bringing back the confidence, it fills up your cup of confidence that nourishes you even more.

At another perspective, the cynical would say "Uy, bola".

But it's up to you what perspective you'll believe.

If you believe that the complement is true, you'll feel better. If you believe that complement is a nonsense word that, err, gives out euphemism or such by other people so as not to hurt your feelings, it's still your choice.

I choose to feel better.

I choose such, because, it makes me feel good. It boosts me to do more. Again, it's about perspective. It's about looking at things with rose-tinted glasses.


****

crush...

I find this woman really pretty. Astig.

She's Leryn Franco, the 26-year-old javelin thrower from Paraguay.

Siya ang bagong hearthrob sa Beijing Olympics. She's currently capturing the hearts of people from different countries. Inabangan siya ng mga spectators, writers, cameramen, etc.

Take note, sabi ng isang writer:

Ms. Franco became the object of our attention after she was noticed by NBC cameras during the Parade of Nations at the Olympic Opening Ceremony...and since then our schoolboy crush blossomed into unrequited love.

When lightning strikes

Some time ago, two friends had a conversation about their lives, their dreams, their attitudes toward things, how they perceive people coming into their lives and about relationships.

Friend 1: Siguro the reason why I'm not capable of having a long term relationship is because, I can handle myself, my moods alone. Sanay akong mag-isa. Ako kasi, when somebody gives me attention, I feel really elated, and I gain ground. It's a good thing, although, I hate the idea of gaining that ground because you know there is a certain person who stands beside you. What if that person leaves you? E di you'll fall to the ground, di ka na magiging stable. Before you go into a relationship, kailangan stable na paninidigan mo sa sarili mo. It's one of the factors that will help a relationship grow, and help you grow individually as a person. If you feel unstable or uncomfortable with who you are and go into a relationship, then brace yourself for an emotional whirlwind. But if you know what you want and you handle your emotions well, a relationship can toughen you up.

Friend 2: Ako naman, I know what I can do, and I know my limitations. Alam ko kung hanggang saan lang ako dapat. Tsaka, hindi ko priority ang love, I mean relationship, kasi I have this feeling na pe-perahan ka lang, or someone will just take advantage. About intimacy, ayokong mangyari yun, kasi, pag gusto ko ang isang bagay, hahanap-hanapin ko. Just the same with going intimate with another person, ayokong masanay, ayokong hanap-hanapin yun. Ika nga, once you pop, you can't stop. Ayoko nun.

****

Sabi na kasing wag nang mag-invest ng feelings e.

Meron kasing mga taong takot magsabi ng mararamdaman hanggat hindi sila nagiging sure na reciprocated ang feelings nila. Magiging close kayo, maghihintay ka ng pagkakataong magsabi shiya, pero hindi naman darating. Aasa ka ng aasa hanggat sa marealize mong wala ka na palang dapat pang asahan kasi bumalik siya sa iniwan niyang girlfriend.

Badtrip. Confused lang pala si lalake, at naghahanap ng kapalit.

So. ayan, ikaw, at a loss ka. Bakit mo pa kasi inentertain ang hudas. At bakit mo pa kasi hinayang kiligin ang sarili mo sa mga bagay-bagay na ginagawa niya para sayo.

So, naisahan ka na naman.

Kala mo you are getting even by being passive and not showing your feelings, though you went out with him for a time.

So paano nang gagawin mo? Nasaan na ang ere ng confidence na ipinakita mo dati nung nandyan pa siya sa tabi mo?

Tongerks ka kasi. So, ayan, tinamaan ka ng kidlat.


*****

At sa munting @ssH)0Le! na duwag, karmahin ka sana. You are not worthy of anything, even friendship....Asa ka pang bumalik ang pagkakaibigan ninyo. Hindi na pwedeng mangyari yun. Things have to change, dahil kung hindi, pareho lang kayong nagpapakatanga at nagpaplastikan!

Tamaan ka rin sana ng kidlat!

ofis ramblings

Office burn-out is not something uncommon. It happens to anyone working, and has been employed for a company or workplace for a long time. It gives you this feeling of being..inefficient, stupid, or simply tired of thinking...or of not thinking..or of getting used to the everyday pattern, routine.

There comes a time when you are at a loss for words, or at a loss of expressing yourself, or at things you want to share. It's a feeling that robs you out of your creative juices, well, either work-related, or socially.

That's why a certain part of the brain needs to be exercised, needs to be used.

Suggested topics to exercise a part of your brain is to play sudoku, scrabble, crossword puzzles and other games that involve thinking.

In short, don't succumb to the pattern. Hindi ka robot. Find ways to think.

taking a breather

I'm keeping myself busy these days. I have this feeling that at some point I need to be anxious and focus on things that I want to achieve. Been a happy-go-lucky person for a long time that I forgot to be prim and proper. I don't know if it's just me and because I become neurotic and paranoid at some point, or it's just a normal mood swing undertaken by a lot of people?

These times, I find it difficult to express myself. Maybe because I feel that I have to behave. I need to focus on more important things or else be branded as the stupid, careless girl.

But I do know I have to chill, and I need to enjoy whatever is happening to me.

But there is this part of me that says, "hey, you need discipline, hey you need focus"

Take a break. That is.

Need to release this burn-out. Need to release the negativity...

*****

Bakasyon, bakasyon, kailangan ko nang bakasyon!!!!

*****

Pag nakakaumay na ang mga bagay-bagay kailangan nang gumawa ng something para magchange ang pattern.

Haaay, lahat ng iyan, nagsisimula sa isang bakason, tapos nun, bongga na...recharge na uli!:-)

random posts

Busy with some articles for a writing stint. I somehow managed to post something and share some new thoughts on whatevers...

Recently realized the effect of brain drain in our country, and how it has been ailing our country...

Recently realized how much I take pride in still working in our own grounds, though people would prefer to work for other countries==Study in our country, for the reason of getting out of here...how sad:(

Recently realized how much amount of pride is needed to work for yourself..without asking for anybody's help... It's still pride, but in the end, if you achieve what you want, without needing for help, working on your own present great rewards. Truly, it makes you more confident with your own powers, your own capability.

Recently realized how much it needs to stay focused, in order for you to achieve what you want.

Had a bit of regret for not being that much disciplined, but still just realizing that you need discipline, and you act about it, (though at times, you give in to your comforts, yet still you try hard not to give in too much, or not as often as before)is rewarding in itself.

****



Ayun, so hiwalay na si Jennifer Aniston at John Mayer. I like them as a couple, because I like them as individuals. Jen as the actress I have loved in Friends, and John Mayer for his superb talent in composing songs and playing for the guitar.

But then, as John Mayer would put it, people come to a point when they realized they have different chemistries. Well, that's just how it is with being involved with someone. Either for a short term or long term relations, when you realized this point, it's either you try to save it, or you treat is another one of those "love-relationship-experience" and move on to better things.

Hopefully for John Mayer, it's another experience that will be much more heart fully rendered on one of his future lyrics.

John Mayer has been a gentleman for saying these words. Very well said, that is:

"(on Being with Jen, and splitting up)It's the most normal thing in the world,"... "There's no lying, there's no cheating. ... It's about going out with somebody, being truthful on the way in, being truthful in the middle and being truthful on the way out.

The love of siam

for all the loves we have in our life...



How can we show love when it is bound by gender? How can we show love again, when we have lost someone ? How can we show love when it seems unreciprocated?

These are just some of the conditions presented in the movie from Thailand, The Love of Siam.

The story starts with two boys Tong and Mew who were childhood friends. Tong, being older, seems to play the big brother role to Mew.

However. the two had to be separated after a mishap on Tong's family wherein they lost Tang, Tong's older sister, during one of their family trips.

Over time, they lived their own lives. Mew, became a young musician, who wrote songs and performed for their band., while Tong became a simple high school student, and lived the life of being an only son to a family who still bereaved over the loss of their other daughter.

It is with Mew's music that the two were able reunite and continue their friendship.

The two were beset with issues on how they show their friendship with one another, and thus in time was questioned or looked down for having a gay relationship and how a family tries to critique and even "stop" this kind of friendship from going deeper.

Also, it tackled on losing a loved one in one's life, and how a family tried to cope with it. After the loss of Tang, Tong's family had been living a sad life, regretting over the loss and blaming themselves for this loss. A stranger entered their life, who seem to remind them of this family member, and with this, the stranger was able to create an impact on their life.

Lastly, it dealt with unreciprocated love. Yin has been harboring hidden feeling for Mew. She makes moves for him to notice her. However, Mew cannot seem to give back this love as how she wants it to be, because, Mew has this other,stronger love...well, for Tong that is.

I find the movie really inspiring and touching. It transcends gender, and shows love amid criticism. It shows how we can still love, although it seems that we cannot have the kind of love we have been asking for. Or for treasuring and cherishing the love which we had once, and for accepting the friendship we can only have from a person. It's a story about loving and giving way. For hoping, continuing to love and always feeling special, and always loved.


****
There was this one conversation that I feel really striking:

Tong (to Mew): I'm sorry if I cannot be your boyfriend...but it doesn't mean that I don't love you.

****

I find Ying's character very sacrificial. She had to give way to her love, because she had to accept that her two friends, Mew and Tong have a more, stronger love for one another.


aawww...:=(
****

I find this scene meaningful:

It was christmas time. Tong was helping her mother set up the christmas tree. He asked her mother what would be a nicer design for the tree, would it be the girl ornament, or the boy ornament?

Her mother who seemed irritated said, "you can put whatever you like."

Tong told her: "but what if I choose one and you don't like it. You'll get upset at me again."

The mother meaningfully gazed at his son and said: "Choose whatever you like. What you think is best for yourself"

*****

I find the songs here really upbeat as well!

****

I highly recommend for you to watch this film:=) Not only is it nice, it will change your perspective on finding, appreciating and accepting love. I can't find words to bash this film kasi hindi naman sha karapat dapat i bash. Love the movie, really, really love it!


****


I find the characters really cute. Hmm..boy love...wahaha...but it seems really nice. It's not disgusting to look at. It's...heartwarming!:=)

ang g-gwapo ng mga batang ito dito..at yung girls, they seem really chic...katuwa!:)

****

some tidbits regarding the movie:

The movie is described as a multi-layered family drama (true, it's a film for all ages, and as Ive said, it won't disgust you at all..)

Bangkok Post film critic Kong Rithdee called the film "groundbreaking", in terms of being the first Thai film "to discuss teenagers' sexuality with frankness".

The Love of Siam dominated Thailand's 2007 film awards season, winning the Best Picture category.

"happy na...birthday pa"

Recently celebrated my birthday in the midst of officemates, who, made a countdown and as soon as the clock stroke 12, cheered and gave me batches and batches of warm birthday greetings and all. I assume it was even heard by other departments near our area.

Yes, I'm 23. A year older. As many of my officemates tell me, bata ka pa.

It's kind of an assurance for me na, yes, I'm still young and there are a lot of things in store for me. Though at times, I really feel like, I'm getting slow in terms of moving forward and doing what I want. I'm still young, and starting to create a happy, and hopefully stable future for me personally, career-wise and financially.

I am happy this day, not because I was able to celebrate it materially. To admit, I didn't have any celebration. Well, except dining out with my family.

Hmm...there are a lot of people I would like to thank this day. (Naks, feeling artista, may pa-thank you pa...pero pagbigyan na, birthday ko ngayon...hehe)

Specially:

amg buong Pep squad! (officemates): na sabado pa lang ay gini-greet nako...

si bro: na kahit kaaway ko at lagi akong inaasar at inaalaska ay nang-greet pa din

si grace: na kahit na tga kabilang ibayo ay dumayo pa pra manggreet

mga ka-friendster ko, including college friends, dating officemates, cousins: na nagpost ng comment para sa kin:-)

sa parish-mates including kasamahan sa lectors' grp, at choir: for not forgetting!

kay chrissy: nagiging haggard na kakamanage, at nag-isip pa talaga habang hinu-hug ako...nag-iisip kung kelan ang bday ko...basta alam niya augus...hehe: aus lang yun, friend!

kay trisha: na nagpasimula ng countdown!, luv u friend!

si "@ssho--e! (ops, bawal ang mura) na nakuhang magtext, kahit na hind nmn practical na magtext sha, at kahit pa nagtatanong siya kung may nagawa ba siyang kasalanan sa akin: magaling ka rin pumili ng araw para magtanong niyan...sa birthday ko pa...

lay linajob alert: infairness, di niya nakakalimutan ang birthday ng lahat ng taong kilalla niya! hahaha!!!!!!!!

kay abi: na two years ago, on this same day ay pinaghintay ako sa taxi dahil sabay kaming papasok sa ofis, at it turned out na sumakay siya ng ibang taxi. Pero nakita niya ako, lumabas siya ng taxi na sinakyan niya, at lumipat sa taxi na sinasakyan ko. Dahil sa insidenteng ito, pareho kaming late for work. Tandang-tando ko...naka pink ako non!!! hahaha!

siyempre, sa lahat ng kamag anak ko: na nagtext ng greetings nila at email! yey!!! Pasensiya na kung di ako nagpaparamdam..haay..

Ayun, masarap mag thank you sa mga tao. Masarap maging center of attention, even just for a day. I miss the feeling of "owning a day" wherein you are given a break, you are free to do what you want, and people won't bother, why: kasi araw mo ngayon.

Anyway, I think that this should be an everyday feeling. It's a feeling of being comfortable with yourself, you acknowledge your want, a feeling of appreciation for the big and small things other people do for you.

Yun lang.:-)

*********


******

ang conference ng mga taong nagpapakasaya!

Roxanne> 3 mins till nina's bday!!!
ako> ahaha..oo nga!
James> 2 MINS
Roxanne > 2 mins!
ako> countdown?
Roxanne> yeah!
Roxanne> countdown to libre!
Roxanne> haha
Roxanne> joke
Roxanne>
Mat> hapi n b-day pa
Trisha> 2mins and 20 sec
Trisha> 19
Trisha> 18
Trisha> 17
Trisha> 13
Trisha> 1
Trisha> mins
Gelo> wow,libre,c nina n tlg pnkamabait s lht,cryoso
Roxanne> true true
Roxanne>
Mat> hapi na b-day pa
ako> wow...aus ha....
Ann> c gelo tlga wlng hilig s fud
Roxanne> seconds na lang!!!!
ako> uu nga, c gelo, basta fud...nagigising!,
Mat> b day na
ako> cryoso un kht wlang libre,unang kta ko plng mabait n naicp ko
Roxanne> happy bday nina!!!!!
ako> salamatz!!!!!!!!!!
Mat> kulit ni gelo
ako> uu, ngaun lang ako hiniritan ni gelo ng ganun a!
sir pep> happy bday nyanya-chase


ahaha!!!!

*****


ka-dramahan! (advice ko lang...don't be too hard on your life...)

Ann> rox..nanu2od kp dn b ng mr. bean?
Roxanne> hinde
Roxanne> coz i find it utterly stupid
Ann> gnun?
Roxanne> yes
Roxanne> ever since
Sir Pep> i used to find it stupid when i was a kid
Mat> MR. BEAN IS DA BEST
Ann> ay..mtaas nga pla iq mo..pang masa kc un e
Sir Pep-> pero gusto ko na rin sya
Roxanne> ganon??
Sir Pep> ay..mtaas nga pla iq mo..pang masa kc un e
Sir Pep> huwaw
Ann> yap
Roxanne> nonsense kasi sa kin. sorry naman
Sir Pep> saan galing yun
Roxanne> di ko maappreciate humor nya
Roxanne> kung humor man un
Ann> ibg lng sbhn nun,dpt mga ktangahn s buhay,tnatawanan n lng,,gnun lng un..
Sir Pep> exactly
Roxanne> branded mga pinoy sa mga ganyan
Roxanne> puro tawa
Ann> korak!\
Roxanne> in short
Roxanne> they deny the existence of the prob
Roxanne> kala nila
Roxanne> nadadaana lahat sa tawa
Ann> no..
Sir Pep> hhahaha
Ann> positive kpa dn dpt
Ann> d dpt patinag s problem..simple
Roxanne> yes positive
Roxanne> but not
Roxanne> too humorous
Roxanne> to the point
Roxanne> of denying the existence of the prob
Roxanne> para sa kin
James > kapag sineseryoso ang problema lalong lulaki..
Roxanne> ung ibang tao na sobra na ganun paniniwala
Roxanne> baliw
Sir Pep> laughing doesnt make the problem go away
Mary Ann Sabaybay> nu kb?mr bean lng cnsb ko nuh..

Let me just give my own take. I didn't want to join in on the conversation. Because I didn;t want to explain much. But here's my two cents worht of explanation.

True, the problem doesn't go away when you merely laugh about it. BUt laughing lightens up your mood. It's a big help. Some kind of relief.

BAkit, kung idadaan mo ba sa pagkaseryoso angmga bagay bagay nawawala ba ang problema?

No. So, in a way. It's just right the stupidity, the mistakes we experienced or have done in our lives are things to be laughed about. Kasi nangyari na e. Dwelling on it, not feeling better, and regreting just make you feel worse...


haaaaay...langya, kay Mr. Bean lang nagsimula ang usapan ha...hehe

********

Ayun, o sha, birthday ko, since I should "go out and smell the flowers"...time to mingle with other people nmn!:-)

Jay...and me

Wednesday Night, me and my friend headed over at UP film Institute to watch "Jay". It won as best film for this year's Cinemalaya 2008.

The story was sort of a docu-drama , tackling the life of a certain person named Jay. A homosexual, wose mysterious death was the topic of a TV show, entitled "The Dearly Departed" (which is sort of a crossbreed of SOCO, and Wish ko Lang...hmm...goodluck on imagining or thinking about the comparison)

The team which documented on the drama, who was named Jay as well, portrayed by actor Baron Geisler interviewed the family and loved ones of the victim. It documented the drama and impact of his death to them.

It showed how media manipulates the drama, in order to show the emotion, and thus appeal to the emotions of its viewers.

What's funny to note is how they show this drama, in an exaggerated, but well..funny manner. Jay asks a family member to reenact a scene or to deliberately mourn over or wail when they see "Jay's" body. The family member will then act, even check herself in the mirror, re-touch, and even say, "ok, take na"

The use of the name "Jay" in the story shows the comparison between the two persons with different personalities, but share the same name. Both are homosexuals. But "Jay" who was murdered by another person was dearly loved by his family and even say he hasn't done anything wrong, or that he was a nice, reserved type of gay. On the other hand, "JAy", the one who documented his death knew he had persoanl issues to resolve. He may be fulfilled career-wise and in financial terms, but then again, he might not be relating well with his own family.

The film is simple in its plot, and it mere shows the comparison. BUt it was effective, since it was a movie that can be enjoyed, and deserves to be watched.

It is also effective to note about the flow of the story, using documentary drama as its treatment in the start, but as the film went through, it shows how the "docu drama" was made, showing the reenactments of scenes, how media tries to make a story out of the murder, and how the media brings together key loved ones in order to build this story.

******

drama ko: I went to this another job interview who are in need of "workers" for their office. I tried my luck, though I was still having second thoughts of leaving my current work. But I was merely trying my luck, if I get the part good, but if not, well, maybe it's not my time yet. If this has happened some time ago, I might have wallowed on, ehem..emoness, but then again, why bother on dwelling on that. If I don't get the part, that means I still have a lot of things to learn...and well, lots of experience and times to cherish with the current people I'm dealing with, the work I have, and in helping people I need to help...(naks!, o sha, tama na!)

******

Matapos ang isa na namang araw sa sakahan, nagawa ko rin ang dapat kong gawin. Sana ngayon, maachieve ko na ang monthly goal. O kung hindi man, mas mataas o mas okay kesa sa lagpak kong performance last month.

*******

Anyway, over lunch, was able to be in the presence of some friends I have been ignoring for some time. Wala lang, pagod na kasi akong uminom o gumala maghapon after work. Just now that I had spent some time with them, and catch up with sharing jokes with one another. Bitter kasi ako recenlty. BUt I guess, it's fading now, and I'm beginning to appreciate them once again.

Siguro nga,there just comes a time when you get tired of dealing with the same people you have been dealing with for such a long time.

Yun lang.

********

I was clumsy this afternoon. I was with a new friend whom I just met at the job interview. Turned out we had some common friends back in college, and we sort of talked about some blah, blah, blahs. I got engrossed with the conversation that I forgot to get down my station. Instead of "alighting" the MRT at Shaw, sa Cubao nako bumaba. Worst, I forgot that there was a one peso fare difference between staions. Again, I was caught in our talking that I forgot to pay for the additional fare, hayun, di ako nakalabas sa station.

Bad trip. Clumsy me. Wala ako sa sarili. Grrr,

Just had a lot of things in mind. Hmmph, bahala na , i'll get through...:-)

emo na naman...

"There’s nothing wrong

With my door.

It works perfectly fine.

It opens and closes still

But on its own now.

No longer according

to your whims.

The hinges have learned

To say, “Enough!”"

from Sherma Benosa

-Something to relate with. *Sigh!*

Haaay, looks like the rain triggers me to be emotional once again...keri lang....

naaliw sa singkit

Recently heard and watched Richard Poon on TV as he rendered "Sway with me", popularized by yet another jazz-crooner, Michael Buble.

It was just this afternoon that I was able to really appreciate his music, and well, his celeb-package, which I found really different.

Also, it was just now that I was able to blog about him, so, anyway, bear with me as I give my own take about this artist.

"Fresh, old-school", that's how he best describes his music. He may swoon you over with his romantic voice and his own renditions of timeless romantic classics from Harry Connick, Frank Sinatra and Rod Stewart, but wait, there's more! He can give those pop songs a new, jazzy twist!

And this is what's amazing with his music. He gives out this, cool, fresh vibe versions, may it be one gotten from the classics, or even from the recent, pop ones usually heard over your favorite pop radio stations!

Hear his versions of "Way Back into love", "umbrella", and yes, even "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce.

His not all-out classic, all-out pop image makes him likable. It only shows his flexibility and his adaptability to any kind of music genre.

It just seems funny, thinking...what if he gives out a version of "Low" by Flo-Rida?

Wala lng, nakakatawa lang...hahaha!






I like this shot...


Aside from having that voice that sweeps women, and well, even men off their feet, is his good, "baby-boy", clean-look, add to that his being chinito, which is an "uso" look" nowadays, with the popularity of yellow-skinned, chinky-eyed men seen on korean and japanese telenovelas.