looking back, and saying hello!

hello blog! I have just survived 2009:) A year, which for me, had been really adventurous. It was something way too different from the past years. Two years ago, it had been a happy, carefree and wild time--being with friends whom I have shared my so-called "philosophical thoughts", bringin out my wacky and outspoken side, and hoping that someday, I would be able to fulfill my dreams...well, during those times, the opportunity to follow my real career path.

2009 was a year of finally fulfilling the dream:) I thank my new workplace for trusting in my capabilities, allowing me to write, and learn the ropes of the kind of work I have dreamt of doing. Along the road, I have experienced a hell of setbacks, which shook my emotions, questioned if I'm on the right environment. I have planned of leaving..go away and find a better environment.

But then, things changed. Just when my mind was set to leave, here comes the opportunity for a better kind of work.

I am grateful for being given the opportunity to travel, for bringing out the passion to explore places, and organizations, as well as meet people.

Another thing, I am blessed for meeting new people--both wacky, problematic, out of this world, "ranters", as well as positive people. Because of them, I was able to look at life from both directions. Thank you, thank you so much!

I was blessed to have rekindled old friendships before the year ended. It was both a happy and sad experience. Happy because I was able to see them again, and be with them...sad...err...for some reasons which is better remain unsaid from the cyberworld*wink,wink*

2009 was also a year of being brave. To let things happen, you have to step out of your comfort zone, learn to be assertive, work hard, or simply having the strength to experience and encounter different challenges.

I am not saying goodbye to 2009. It had been a part of me. I just pray that whatever things I have experienced from 2009 will help me to become better, and stronger to face 2010. I'm starting the year different from the past years.

Back then, I have tried to "reinvent" myself. Now, I acknowledge everything that has happened. Thank you 2009 for all the challenges, i know you will make me stronger, and more mature to face my life ahead.

Hello 2010. I don't know what's in store for me...what other experiences I may encounter..but I just pray that I will be better, be more brave, be more "out there" for other people:)

A toast to old friendships, and having new ones this new year, too!

just some points...

have read noemi-lardizabal dado's entry on blogging..

just some points:

A personal blog is personal. I go out of my way to relate relevant experiences and include the advice, lessons or gifts learned from it. If my readers didn’t care about my opinion , would they be reading my blog? If they didn’t care, they’d hop on to the next blog. Reading the human emotions associated with the blogger and the interactive discussions is what separates blogging from traditional media.

Aside from common-sense , avoidance of personal attacks and posting non-bloggable items, how personal should a personal blog be?

1. A blog with emotions has a soul. Bear your heart a little. Show your personality. We all have good and bad days. Whenever I paint a picture of a bad day, I try to look for the silver lining. Remember feelings are very universal. At one point in our life, we all faced some sort of loss. Writing about my painful feelings connects me to my readers.

2. Impart valuable lessons. I put off writing a blog because I lacked the writing abilities. I know I had a lot of lessons to share but I was insecure of my writing. I was so concerned that I won’t be able to tell my story the right way. I feared the grammar whores or nazis would start throwing potatoes at me, but I started one anyway. My first few entries contained less than 100 words yet I wanted to improve somehow. I read a few tips from “Make your Words Work- by Gary Provost”, a book I picked up from Lauren’s book shelf. I continue to hone my writing skills every day.

3. The act of writing is basically an act of conversation. You will see that I often use conversation or story telling in my blog posts. I want to talk to you as if you were with me in a coffee shop. Tell your story. Talk to me. Each one of us has something valuable to say and the blogosphere benefits with all our contribution.

Just you know, I obtained Lauren’s permission on the A Daughter’s Crush and Fears entry because she knows a few parents who are still control freaks. Though the original intention of the entry is for lessons learned, the “crush” engaged the imagination of the readers. It intrigued readers to the extent that I received 40 comments , emails and IM’s on queries over the identity of her crush. Stories in an entry are the most powerful ways of engaging and impacting readers. Use first person blogging more often than third person in a sentence .

(follow up post to the “crush entry” might just happen. Keep tuned)

4. Balance success and failure stories with a bit of humor. There is nothing as inspiring as reading how one survived shortcomings or failures. Show the lessons learned or the gifts derived from each of these failures, mistakes or shortcomings. It’s not that readers like to gloss over our failures. To err is human and it’s natural that people love vulnerability. Showing readers that I makes mistakes helps to show I am real. They just need a little inspirational boost.

5. Involve your readers. Using “you” creates discussion and ignites interest in your entry. It also makes readers connected with you and give them the feeling of importance.

Some fine examples of personal blogs are found at the Pinoy Moms Network that Connie and I started. Remember these moms are raising the children of the future. We have close to 70 amazing mothers ranging from 21 to 65 years old whose blogs provide a lot of insights on breastfeeding, wellness, single parenting, raising special children and kids of all ages.

Even reading tech blogs, photo or lifestyle blog with that personal touch makes it a more interesting read.

***

Free weekend

It's the start of the weekend. And so far, it's somehow going "worry-free", it feels different. Hmm, I miss these kinds of days when you can just lounge around, or surf the net (which I'm actually doing everyday of the week, but doing it on a weekend, and at home where no one bothers you is...bliss), or feel like watching movies, or listen to music...and knowing that you can freely do them NOW is LIBERATING!!!

***

had a drinking spree last night with officemates at 121...too bad, pictures aren't with me, so I won't be able to share them right now...plus me and a friend had to go home early because of the long commute home...

starbucks after...and yes, I'm collecting stickers for the planner...it looks really, really cool. I've told an officemate that having the similar planner will remind us of our friendship...hahaha, yeah, I know, sounds cheesy, but, you know, the emo in me...so yes, having the same starbucks planner will definitely remind us of the "craziness" and all other crap we have all experienced! hahaha! whatever those are, I cannot expound..since..you know..office stuff are involved..ok..can't go into further explanations! hahaha!:D

***

that's it for now...just updating about some stuff...hopefully, when things have fallen into place...again, I'll be able to blog something better..hahaha..

ooppss..just to tell...

filmshowings are in the city...

anvil at cubao x...you can catch them until the seventh this nov...at 9pm m0gwai

then there's the cinema one originals, here's the schedule..for anyone who's interested:

CINEMA ONE ORIGINALS 2009
Cinema 9, Gateway Cineplex 10, Araneta Center, Cubao, Quezon City
November 13 to 17, 2009
Ticket: P120

For block screenings and discounts, please email Jeng Encabo at
jeng.encabo@ gmail.com

November 13, Friday

TIME FILM
11:50 AM YANGGAW Best of Cinema One Originals

2:00 PM DEAR HEART Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: DANNY ZIALCITA

4:30 PM KINATAY Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: Brillante Mendoza

7:00 PM MAXIMUS & MINIMUS PREMIERE, Official Entry

9:20 PM WANTED: BORDER PREMIERE, Official Entry

November 14, Saturday

TIME FILM
12:30 PM DOSE Best of Cinema One Originals

2:30 PM GAANO KADALAS ANG MINSAN? Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: DANNY
ZIALCITA

5:00 PM SI BANING, SI MAYMAY, AT ANG ASONG SI BOBO PREMIERE, Official Entry

7:30 PM PAANO KO SASABIHIN? PREMIERE, Official Entry

9:15 PM BALA BALA PREMIERE, Official Entry

November 15, Sunday

TIME FILM
12:30 PM CONFESSIONAL Best of Cinema One Originals

2:30 PM NAGALIT ANG BUWAN SA HABA NG GABI Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original:
DANNY ZIALCITA

5:00 PM SERBIS Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: Brillante Mendoza

7:30 PM LOLA Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: Brillante Mendoza

9:55 PM MAXIMUS & MINIMUS Official Entry

November 16, Monday

TIME FILM
12:30 PM TAMBOLISTA Best of Cinema One Originals

2:30 PM PALABRA DE HONOR Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: DANNY ZIALCITA

5:00 PM TIRADOR Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: Brillante Mendoza

7:15 PM WANTED: BORDER Official Entry

9:10 PM PAANO KO SASABIHIN? Official Entry

November 17, Tuesday

TIME FILM
12:15 PM ALTAR Best of Cinema One Originals

2:00 PM BAKIT MANIPIS ANG ULAP? Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: DANNY
ZIALCITA

4:30 PM MASAHISTA Tribute to Philippine Cinema Original: Brillante Mendoza

5:50 PM HIMPAPAWID SPECIAL SCREENING

8:00 PM BALA BALA Official Entry

9:50 PM SI BANING, SI MAYMAY, AT ANG ASONG SI BOBO Official Entry

Awarding ceremonies on November 15, Sunday at 4 p.m., Dolphy Theater Studio 1 ABS-CBN Main Building.

***

happy weekend everyone!

random

Yeah, i know I haven't blog for a really long time. Colleagues are already telling me that. "Sayang daw" I've heard one blogger say.

Hmm...I'm not really planning on putting this out or anything.

The real reason?

Caught up in the reality of life.

When I say reality...I guess this is what I'm really trying to say "nagpakain sa makina" (from an indie song I have in my song list)

Anyway...yes, I do miss really writing down my innermost feelings and thoughts. I admit, for a time, I dismissed delving into my "psyche".

For what reasons?

Fear, I guess. Fear of realizing that I have to again make another revamp, in terms of leading my life.

Well, weird and really emo I may seem, but then, that's how I can explain the reason for not really writing.

Vague?

Yeah, i know. Think this is the result for not blogging--not being able to organize my thoughts.

(but anyway, this is free writing, so what the hell)

Also, another reason for not blogging?

Well, as you all know, I am emo.

And when you are oing through emotional changes...writing it down, especially through blogging is not really a wise thing to do.

It's best to keep things to yourself first. before blogging it down, and letting the whole world know about it. YOu can be out in danger, what with the writings you do, and once it's out there in the world, there is no taking back.

So, I'm just saving myself from future harm from the netizens...and for people out there who can get affected by the things or stuff which I may say.

So, there you go...

I will be blogging once in a while...

kailangan lang humupa ng emo attacks and all, and look at life once again, in a brighter light.

Positive sharing of ideas through blog is better than all those rants, right?

life

when i was younger, i used to chase my dreams. I used to get anxious, realizing that i eed to take actions in order to fulfill what i want to fulfill. I used to be an ideal person, thinking ahead of what she needs to do .

But as time went by, I realized that life shouldn't be seen that way. To chase and chase dreams, and not have time to "smell the flowers"...that is to look theother way, go slow, meet people, and simply enjoy life as it unfolds.

NOw, I realized that it is good to acknowledge your dreams, and that they are always with you...and whatever it is you are experiencing today, leads or attracts opportunities you like, or that is in your favor.

Life is good. There might be bumps and obstacles, but all are part of it. Think of how boring life be if it's just one fast lane.

Goodbye and thank you

even the skies are saying goodbye. Yet this rain aren't tears, but the angels' way of coming down, touching her, and sending her up into the high heavens.

***

The world mourns, and they shed tears
for the loss of a woman who touched the lives of many.
Yet,
let hearts not be saddened.
For we haven't lost a gem
but gained one instead.
One,
who in the heavens will look down,
hover and guide us,
bring us all together.
That for once,
we break free from chaos and indifference.

***

A yellow star in heaven she will be
and she will look down upon us
from the night skies,
she will be a bright star
which will remind us
of courage, faith,
peace and love.
For the family,
for the society,
for the country.

careful...

meeting people, trusting again, and once again opening up to enjoy life-that is, to look at life in a more sun-shiney manner, recognizing opportunities, and seeing the goodness in every people I meet.

I'm in a current attempt to revive this feeling I used to have...the kind of positive energy which people have known me for...

Because as of the moment, I'm caught in a state of vulnerability.

I try to be careful of meeting people: of knowing my allies and the people whom I need to distance myself with...

I try to be careful of the things I say: because I still don't know if people wil understand, if they will be more forgiving of the things I say, or open to the ideas which I have.

I try not to be too overwhelmed: because i don't know if I''m directing my energies and efforts on the right stuff, where things and decisions will lead me.


And so now, I wait...become observant of the different things revolving in this state, this situation.

At the same time, I try to enjoy, cherish the people whom I meet, because when the time comes that I become, or feel "whole" again, I know whom to thank, whom to look back to, whom to trust!

***

NOte to self: follow te sherm's advice: "Do not burn bridges"

***

lately, the waters seem rough and restless,
waves getting thicker, more agitated...

and here I am, flowing through the waters of my life,
trying not to drown.

-nyanya

***

the daily grind

Remembering the first time I got into the writing career, I felt so psyched, like I'm on top of the world. I felt that eventually, and slowly, I am getting what I've been praying for such a long time. However, the more I get into the flow of everyday work in the office, I begin to feel the difficulites--not only of those times when I find it really hard to prcoess and get my thoughts in logical order and write, but to relate with people, to stand out, feel worthy, and feel that I am able to contribute something and not just a mere robot employee, doing only the assigned tasks, or a salingpusa who still has a lot of things to learn, or whose menial tasks are given to.

A lot of times, my strength gets depleted. And at the end of the day, instead of feeling successful, I feel that I'm not doing enough. I wanted to be a woman of action, but I am limited to the things I'm grasping to learn.


I just do pray that I surpass all these things, because, really, I'm just starting, and I have a whole lot of things to learn.

It's just that I miss feeling positive that I can do things, to feel that I am on my ground, and be in charge.

This reminds me of what Chan said a few years ago: "Stand your ground!"

And I do hope I can!

***
Dealing with jaded people

I am just new at work. At first, I was really enjoying the tasks given to me, but as time went by, I have encountered people who have been feeling the burn-out. Specifically, there is this one person who I'm forced to see day-by-day, that person* with the far-away, stressed. let-me-out-of-here look zaps the energy of other people.

I know that one shouldn't let these kinds of things get in the way of one's happiness of doing things, but then again, seeing that person everyday doesn't help much.

The person* continues to be a major de-motivator.

I don't blame that person for already feeling burned-out, but as a message: at least find the little strength to inspire people around you--to while away the time, why not train people, why not savor the last moments with the people around you.

***

Incidentally this post co-incides with today's celebration of Labor day. Do pray that for all of us working people, may we find the strength to find enjoyment in what we do, feel inspired that we are able to contribute or skills to society.

*The author refuses to name the person being mentioned here*

Enjoying life's simplicity

There are times when we think of wanting to live a grandiose, fabulous lifestyle, where schedules are jampacked with various functions, where we think of improving our social status, of wanting to feel on top of things. We think of posh, rich lifestyles where we visualize ourselves to be worry-free of spending, where acquiring material things will be easy.

But then, at times, its nice to take pleasure in the simplicity of things, of feeling content of what we have--our family, our nice little homes, the kind of entertainment that we can easily afford, like catching up on movies, and tv shows that we git behing with, catching up on the latest "usapan" with our families, wandering and taking a walk within the neighborhood or one's backyard, playing with our pets which we haven't tended with for the most times (maybe due to our busy schedules, and usual tiresome days), and listening to some old stacks of cds, or song collections we haven't played for a while.

It's nice to wander an wonder upon the things within reach. It sort of gives a contented, worry-free vibe. These simple things prevent you from feeling anxious, or thinking about the things we need to acquire.

There is a relaxing feeling in reveling in the simple things in life.

The holy week has given me this time to reflect, and to enjoy in the simplicity of things. For two days, i resisted the urge to think about life's complexities, or rather prevent myself from the usual, everyday worries, and the result was indeed relaxing.

Times like this is sort of a recharging state, a time to reflect on the things we have accomplished, to feel content in the things we have acquired over time.

This is bliss.

Hope you guys enjoyed your holy week as well:) Happy easter everyone!:)

killing time

this is what boredom does:

Paghihintay

Nung bata pa ako, madalas akong dalhin ni Mama sa ospital. Hindi dahil lagi akong may sakit, kundi dahil walang magbabantay sa akin sa bahay.

Isang med-tech ang aking ina, at nagtatrabaho sa ospital.

Kadalasan, nakaupo lang ako sa isang gilid ng kuwarto, kung saan siya nagtatrabaho—nagmamasid-masid, nakikinig ng kanta sa radio, nakikinig sa usapan ng kanyang mga ka-opisina, o kung kapag sinuwerte, nakapapanood ng telebisyon sa isang silid kung saan andun ang mga pasiyente, o yung mga blood donors, ika nga.

Minsan din, inuubos ko ang oras ko sa pagguhit—pagguhit ng mga bagay na namumuo sa aking kaisipan. Karaniwan lang naman ang mga bagay-bagay o lugar na naiguguhit ko—mga bundok, puno,sakahan o karagatan.

Masaya ako pag dinadala ako ni mama sa ospital na kanyang pinagtatrabahuan. Ito kasi ang panahon kung saan binibili niya ako ng pagkain, paborito ko man o hindi; nililibre din ako ng kanyang mga ka-opisina ng iba’t ibang bagay, na kadalasan,ay pagkain din!

Hindi ako madalas makipag-usap. Hindi dahil sa ayaw ko, kung hindi dahil busy ang karamihan. Bilang isang bata, kinokontento ko na ang sarili ko sa pagmamasid at panonood sa mga tao at tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na nag-ookupa ng kanilang panahon, at mga bagay na kailangang gawin.

Ang mga panahong iyon ay panahon ng paghihintay kay mama, hanggang sa matapos ang araw niya sa kanyang trabaho. Buong walong oras ay ginugugol ko sa paghihintay, hanggang sa mag alas-singko na at oras na ng kanyang uwian.

Ang mga panahon ng paghihintay noon na yata ang nagturo sa akin upang maging pasensyoso.

Hindi madali ang paghihintay. Mag-iisip ka ng mga bagay na pwede mong gawin upang maubos ang oras. Kadalasan nakakainip ito, nakakapagod, at nakasasakit ng ulo.

Sa aking pagtanda, marami pa ring oras ang nauubos ko sa paghihintay—kadalasan ang paghihintay na ito ay konektado sa pagdating—pagdating ng isang bagay, pagdating ng katapusan, o pagdating ng isang pangyayari.

Gumugugol tayo ng panahon sa paghihintay. Ngunit ang paghihintay na ito, hindi rin naman kailangang sabayan nng pagkabagot, o pagkainip. Lalo lang nitong pinapalala ang inis o pagod na dulot ng paghihintay.

Marami rin namang pwedeng gawin habang naghihintay. Maraming bagay na pwedeng pag-ukulan ng panahon, at pwede ka pa ring maghintay habang nagsasaya ka sa mga bagay-bagay na iyong ginagawa sa kasalukuyan.###

treading the waters

After the jump, I have to get used to the waters. At first, it was an unfamiliar feeling, or a new initial emotion to a new surrounding, a new part of the seas. BUt after some time, I get used to the waters, and Ive been creating patterns, style, and I have learned to adjust.

Now, I'm loving the waters, enjoying the newfound coolness, surfing in new waves.

It's nice, and yes, I'm loving it!

my apologies...

I owe people a visit..big time...tsk, tsk, tsk