post workshop rants

Here's the moment that I blog again. Here's the time that I try to make sense (though really, when I read any of my entry, " nothing seems to make sense!) It's just made of all blah feelings, "i dunno" statements or some random, again, "blah" things.

I envy those people who are quick to point out their feelings, or quick to know and say what they feel. Me? I suck at that area. I'm a girl full of cliche...I try to be nice. I try to be optimistic, when in truth, I just feel sad, and I just don't want my posts to be full of crap rants that's why I make rather cliche ones, or those which contain lotsa motherhood statements.

I try to find my voice. I try to reveal my own pesona, but then again, I'm hesitant.

Reasons?

1. My own persona is a melancholic, whining one. I have nothing to write but my own angst and all...and maybe I haven't been writing frequently becaause I'm afraid for these rants to come out. And;

2. I'm afraid to look into my psyche because I find myself vague.

***

I just would like to tell somebody how I feel, but then, it feels disapointing when you try to rely on a friend just to release those emotions and then that person tells or reminds you that you are just "whining".

Really, it makes me feel sad, and alone (ok, OA) that whenever I try to talk about my feelings, one would just say that I'm whining.

LIKE DUDE! I don't whine in public (only in my blog and journals, and to my bestfriend Cze do I do that!) regularly. There are just times, and those times that I try to tell it out, I'm not even saying that "I'm in the pit of it!". I just want to simply talk it out.(I hope that makes myself clear. Well, to that person atleast. And I don't know if you (yes, you, insensitive, densed person!) ARE even reading this, or if you even know this exists!) Ok, I rest my case.

***

I'm on a quest to find my voice. And I do hope in the process, it's not a ranting one. I hope to be intelligent, I hope to be objective. Most importantly, I hope to be clear, and also in command (of the language, that is). SO MOTE IT BE!